I hate my gay dads. Am I a bad person?
Hi...I'm a boy of 14.
I live with 2 dads...one of them is my biological dad and one of them isn't.
My biological mother (who gave my dads her ovum for my birth...) comes my house often. She's 38 and my dads' long time best friend...I want to call her my mom but my dads always get mad when I try...actually I've already call her mom when my dads are not around and she liked it...she and I have lots of connections with each other.
I hate my dads so much...WHY didn't they just adopt some baby instead use ovum donor and surrogate mother? Don't you think gay people who want to get a baby by ovum donor and surrogate mother are horrible? I think they are horrible as hell...even my biological dad is being gay. She's a mother of mine, even my surrogate mother also exist, but dads don't want me to get so close to my biological mother...
What do you think? Don't you think it's normal to hate my dads? But must I be their good son cos they actually decided to get me? I don't hate gays but hope my parents are heterosexual... am I a bad person to feel this way? what should I do...? I'm still so young but everyone wants me to accept everything that I can't and don't want...
- JoshLv 68 years agoFavorite Answer
The way you feel is perfectly normal, tell you Dad's how you feel.
- PhilLv 68 years ago
YEAH! See it is possible to raise a very well adjusted, and articulate child in a gay household. Just look at his sentence structures! Also lots of self-doubt and questioning. Further he took to time to make sure it was spelled correctly. Sure he missed a slight article here or there and used cos instead of because, however, that can be put down to the heat of the moment.
Now the self-realization going on here is incredible. He knows were it not for the intentional actions of his parents that he would not exist. This child was no accident and was planned. Further, it appears he has his original parents all these years and they had no messy breakup. They have obviously been together at least about 16 years or more.
Okay so we can be pretty sure this young man will soon be off to college and from there grad school. One small concern I have is he will qualify at 16 for undergraduate school That I think is just a little early for him based upon his maturity level. Therefore, perhaps starting him on AP courses now and college at 17 would be better.
Some more structuring in music...and not only the violin mind you...would probably be best. Reading in between the lines in his rebellious nature I think a good jazz sax might be suitable.
I think others have done enough to encourage him to confront his parents and inform them he wishes to associate more with his mom, and they shouldn't feel threatened by that. Further if he wants to call her mom that is his perfect right. I know he is seeking outside approval around his parents at this point, however, I tend to agree. In my book it takes a village to raise a healthy child. Even if he wanted to spend some weekends with her that is fine too if it is in the cards.
Yes, I'm speaking in a fashion where it may appear that I know this young man, perhaps I do, or one that certainly sounds identical.
I'm particularly interested in his lament about the fact his parents could have adopted. Since had they done that, he would not have existed. Further neither of his dads would have been his biological dad. Somehow he seems to be indicating this might be better.
Now along this thought, I'm beginning to smell a slight odor of troll. Is this a for real posting, or is this just an elaborate attempt to have someone show that a child brought into to a gay couple by this method has adjustment issues? A trick of the hand perhaps?
Well I like to think people are not that sneaky and would rather think we are dealing with what we see at face value. A healthy rebellious teen. Cool.
Life is not to your choice kid, play the hand you are dealt.
- 5 years ago
First off.... you are so obviously a troll and a liar. You are no "boy of 14", who the h*** talks like that? Certainly not a "boy of 14". Nor do 14 year old boys say things like "I'm still so young...".
I'll tell you who does talk like that. Some adult with an agenda whose completely lost any touch with what a REAL 14 year old would sound like, and what they would say, and how they would say it.
What a very specific and arbitrary fact to throw in that the biological mother is 38. Furthermore the alleged facts of this story don't add up. You claim the dad's don't want the boy to get so close to the biological mother, and yet she's the father's life long best friend who is clearly welcome over often. If they didn't want the kid to be so close to the bio-mother then why maintain such close contact with her for 14 years?
The entire post sounds exactly like some imagined idea about kids of gay parents that someone from the fundamentalist anti-gay anti-marriage-equality anti-reproductive-assistance crowd would cook up.
Secondly.... in the event that I am wrong about you being a troll (which I doubt I am but nevertheless), would you rather to have not been born? Of course you've probably thought that. Because EVERY person EVER in existence has thought that at least one or more times in their life. Particularly during the teen years or other times of hardship or regret, which everyone has. Until you come to appreciate the fact that you WERE born and have gotten to experience life. The odds of any single one of us having come into existence is astronomically unfathomably low. And yet... here we are. That is something amazing which anyone who's not legitimately suffering ought to appreciate.
In any case. As others have pointed out, teenagers frequently decide they HATE their parents for one reason or another. So that's perfectly normal. You want to blame them for being gay and having you born via surrogacy, though that's not the real reason you are angry. You've probably experienced much of the discrimination and denigration that those who would oppose your family over religious hatred and bigotry, have inculcated into society toward gay people. That's not your parents' fault. But fortunately that is rapidly changing, so the children of gay parents in coming years will have it much better insofar as others being less judgemental and more accepting of such families. Not to mention gay headed families having the safety and security of legally married parents.
Well sooner-or-later you will grow up and begin to appreciate all the things you DO have, including having two loving parents (something many kids don't have or have abusive parents), rather than griping about trivialities and the inevitable difficulties of a child growing into their own person and the parents needing to loosen their well-intentioned grip and let the adolescent be their own person.
And as for the religiously motivated anti-gay haters who would revel in, and work toward making, you feel bad about having gay parents who brought you into the word intentionally but by unconventional means, ignore them. They are a dying breed, and the world will be a much better place for it.
- xxx000auLv 78 years ago
You cant help the way you are. You are not like this by choice.
In fact if you are honest, they must be doing a good job as most kids now days by 14 are so full of them self they wont even have the conversations that you and your dads have had.
I find in life, rather than crying poor me, I am grateful for what i have in life as I know many others have a much harder life. At least you get a meal each evening and you have clean clothing to wear etc etc. Lots of kids now days are neglected even in our wealthier countries.
So in answer to you question. Q) Are you a bad person?
A) No, just self centered like so many other children.
Don't worry as one day you will grow up and become a man.
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- 8 years ago
Ray, I feel you.
I'm not in your situation, but I have often wondered what it would be like. (Just because I like to think.)
It's normal for you to be heart-broken. I'm guessing that your friends and classmates and school all have regular heterosexual moms and dads. Not two dads and two moms, one mom whom you aren't even supposed to meet.
You have a lot of stuff to deal with because of the choice that your dad made. You didn't have any say in the matter. Your parents made the choice to, well, make you. And that's a wonderful thing! You just wish that, instead of making you and then sticking you with the two gay dads, that they would have taken care of you the way that other people get to be taken care of as children.
But remember. While you do not get to choose your parents, you do get to choose what you think, what you feel, and what you do with your life. You get to control your own destiny.
You can be happy. You will be happy! Just try. :-)
Do the things you love. Find good friends, ones you can trust. Maybe you have a youth counselor at your school. Go find him or her, because counselors will listen to you and help you figure out what to do. Talk to the people you can trust about your feelings. Talking about it help you understand yourself. And it always helps when other people understand you, too.
Your parents have caused you a lot of problems that, right now, are hard to deal with. But you CAN deal with them. It might take time, maybe a long time, to truly understand it all. But someday, it will all make sense to you, and the fact that you have two dads and two moms will not cause you pain anymore. :-)
Remember that your parents all love you.
Don't try think of your parents as "real, biological mom," "real, biological dad," "stepdad," or "birthmother."
If you think of your parents that way, it will get way too confusing! As you have already experienced.
Your parents are people just like you.
Yeah, they were born like way before you. And, yeah, some of them share your genes. And, yeah, somehow you all ended up becoming a family.
But, guess what? In the end, your parents are just like you! And everyone in the world is just like anyone else. We all feel the same emotions: love, anger, sadness, happiness, pride. These are just of few of the things that make us fellow human beings.
In the end, it doesn't matter who your parents are. Because, someday you will know for sure, everyone is good on the inside. All that matters is how much love and happiness you can create out of what life has given you.
One day, as you mature and become an adult, you will come to understand all of this. It will become clear to you. But it takes time. So, don't worry about it too much. :-)
For now, just focus on understanding that you control your own life. Really! You do. Choose everyday to feel grateful for what you have, to accept what you don't have, and always work hard and be determined to live the best life that you can live.
I can see from your words that you are a very smart young man. That is why I believe you will live a very, very good life! ;-)
Good luck from a loving friend <3
- Anonymous8 years ago
Well I wish they were okay with having them both be Dad & her be Mom too since its important to you! I don't think their horrible I think they loved you & planned you from the start! Your not a bad person but I think you should attribute some of your feeling to being a teen! All teens resent their parents @ some point or another. I would try & communicate to them that she is important to you as well! While remembering that while your annoyed on how you came to exist it came from a place of love because they wanted you that much!
- Anonymous8 years ago
No you are not... its horrific that you so-called father would get mad at you for calling ...wanting to call your biological mother mom. its beyond selfish and more than a little cruel that they tell you who she is and expect you to act as if she is not...
and you should speak up "despite" being a boy who is not "allowed" to be a victim.
- Anonymous8 years ago
Why do you want your parents to be heterosexual? It DOESN'T matter! Gay parents are just as capable of raising children as any straight parent. I agree with you that your two dads shouldn't try to come between a relationship between you and your biological mom(after all, she is your dad's best friend) but how dare you have a problem with having gay parents! At the end of the day, your GAY parents have sheltered you, fed you, clothed you and took care of you for 14 years, show a little more RESPECT and GRATITUDE.
I'm gay too and I have a boyfriend. But when I was in the closet, I impregnated a girl from having unprotected sex and now I have a three year old daughter. Again, I'm gay but I'm a DAMN GOOD DADDY. My daughter doesn't live with me but she sees me very often and I'm trying to show her from a young age that being homosexual is perfectly fine.
Okay, back to you, what you should do is let your dads know that you LOVE THEM and RESPECT THEM but you want also want a relationship with your biological mother. If they had half a heart(and I'm sure they do), they would understand. Best wishes Papi :)
- Anonymous8 years ago
if your trollin then this is a good troll, unfortunately i do not think you are a troll and i can tell you from personal experience you shouldnt feel bad that you feel the way you do, you are most likely a heterosexual male growing up trying to understand how your supposed to act as a young straight male in this world when your "dads" who are supposed to help you into adulthood are acting strange and desire something foreign to you (another man), my advice is that you demand to call you surrogate mother momand that you cant keep going through life acting like your own flesh and blood, your mother, whom you acquired half your DNA which is responsible for half your physical identity in this reality, yeah its a big deal, and yeah you need to force the issue with your dads and tell them you want to treat your real, living, breathing mother your MOTHER, and give her mothers day gifts and celebrate her existence which led to your own existence, you wouldnt exist without your mother so of course your gonna feel resent at your dad for being with a man and raising you with another man when your own mother is there for you and should be helping to raise you, her offspring, her baby, the new life she brought into this world (you), its a very significant event and it heavily influences your life because her genes and her history and her family history, YOUR FAMILY HISTORY, BY BLOOD, is being ignored by two men with psychological disorders most likely stemming from early childhood sexual trauma and or molestation by another man during their pubescent years, do not let this go on any further, you may end up regretting your entire adolescence if you dont insist immediately that you begin treating your mother as the extremely important person she is not only to who you yourself are as a person but your place in reality itself, the skills or personalities of your elder/distant/deceased relatives and ancestors, all of which also heavily influence your personality and even your level of intelligence.Source(s): similar circumstances growing up...
- Anonymous8 years ago
to me YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. THEY didn't rape or drug your mother to get you. And i am sure they all talk about it and your mother knew what she was getting into. And if she knew that she would want to keep in touch with the child. she should told your dads RIGHT from the start And let them take it from there So if they want to go ahead with it with her or should they find someone else SO if you hate your dads for that than it is only right that you hate your mon also. 3 OF them were in on it together not just your 2 dads your mom was to.' put your self in your dads shoes and think about it And talk to the 3 of them and see what they agree to do about the baby
And if they agree for her to not get in touch with the baby and she DOES than she is in the WRONG But if they agree that she can keep in touch with with the baby. and after the baby comes and they change their minds about the mother keeping in touch with the baby then they are in the WRONG
SO TALK TO THEM ABOUT WHAT THEY REALLY AGREE TO AND TAKE IT FROM THERE
Good luck on this