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Short story to be read in the class, is this good enough?

Today I went to visit James. Early autumn leaves were falling everywhere as I walked my way to his home, awakening the haunting memories of our past. The place was pretty much the same as I remembered a few months ago, except for the trees which went from green to the shades of yellow and orange as fall takes over. I've never visited James during the summer and the guilt is killing me. John and I went to London where we spent our vacation with his family.His family were like the kindest people in the world, but a summer without James is still as cold as the winter in Southpole, if there's a winter in Southpole. In summary, I didn't quite enjoy my favorite season this year.

I took a long, deep breath as I entered the gates, the earthly smell of growing moss all over the place seeped in to my lungs. I turned by a corner and I saw Jame's house. It looked exactly the same as I remembered it, other than the white paint that seemed to peel off because of the summer heat.

Along with his favorite chocolates, I left him a letter.

Dear James,

I won't ask you 'How are you' because I know you'll never answer me back.I spent my summer with John in London and I just returned home. John is the most affectionate man in the world, next to you, and his daughters were the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my whole life, next to you. It's been a while since John and I never saw each other so I'm sorry for being absent the whole summer. I just missed my cousin so much and it was great seeing him happy. Helen survived the cancer and they were one, happy family again. It makes me even miss you more.

Steven will turn six next week so I'm preparing a little party for the little guy. I can't wait to send him to school. For the recod, he's beginning to identify the letters of the alphabet.Our son is smart and beautiful,he's got your eyes and lips.

I love you James, and that would never end. I'm keping my promises to you, remember the promise? I love you as much as I loved you three years ago. How I wish you'd come back...I'm writing this letter in a foolish hope of you to read it. I don't even know why am I even doing this, I believe thoughts are much better expressed being written.

Always and Forever,

Caroline

The golden rays of the orange sun is setting behind a group of trees behnd James' place, reminding me of our promise once again. Tears gently fell from my eyes as I slowly placed the letter beside James' tomb and left the graveyard.

PLEASE CORRECT IT. THANKS.

2 Answers

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  • waggy
    Lv 6
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm just making a few changes tot he text to help it flow a bit smoother for you as you read. It should also help you audience feel more engaged without giving the whole story away from the outset. Here goes ....

    Today I went to visit James. As I walked through the early autumn evening, leaves were falling all around me. Awakening the haunting memories of our past. What I saw around me was the same as I remembered a few months ago, except for the trees which went from green to the shades of yellow and orange as fall takes over. I'd neglected to visit James during the summer and I could feel the guilt seizing my heart with icy fingers of fire. John and I went to London where we spent our vacation with his family. His family were like the kindest people in the world, but a summer without James is still as cold as winter, making the summer feel soulless and empty.

    I took a long, deep breath as I entered the gates, the earthly smell of growing moss seeped in to my lungs. I turned by a corner and I saw James' house. It looked exactly the same as I remembered it, other than the white paint that seemed to peel off because of the summer heat.

    Along with his favourite chocolates, I left him a letter.

    Dear James,

    I won't ask you 'How are you' because I know you'll never answer me back.I spent my summer with John in London and I just returned home. John is the most affectionate man in the world, next to you, and his daughters were the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my whole life, next to you. It's been a while since John and I never saw each other so I'm sorry for being absent the whole summer. I just missed my cousin so much and it was great seeing him happy. Helen survived the cancer and they were one, happy family again. It makes me even miss you more.

    Steven will turn six next week so I'm preparing a little party for the little guy. I can't wait to send him to school. For the record, he's beginning to identify the letters of the alphabet.Our son is smart and beautiful,he's got your eyes and lips.

    I love you James, and that would never end. I'm keeping my promises to you, remember the promise? I love you as much as I loved you three years ago. How I wish you'd come back...I'm writing this letter in a foolish hope of you to read it. I don't even know why am I even doing this, I believe thoughts are much better expressed being written.

    Always and Forever,

    Caroline

    The golden rays of the orange sun is setting behind a group of trees behind James' place, reminding me of our promise once again. Tears gently fell from my eyes as I slowly placed the letter beside James' tomb and left the graveyard.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    It's very contrived. Why would she refer to his tomb as a house, other than because you're trying to hide that he's dead?

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