nicole asked in HealthMental Health · 8 years ago

how to be yourself around people?

This is killing me so much. there came to a point to where I felt dumb just talking to people because I don't feel like my self, so latley I've been really quiet. I've always tried to please people and I'm tired of it. I'm different around EVERYONE, depending on who it is. Like I'm never the same character and I wish I could be..please help me

8 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You know, I did the same thing, and I really think everyone does at one point in their life or another. I was an only child, I had really crappy social skills all through high school. In elementary and middle school I was so shy, then in high school I was very hyper and talkative, my best friends loved me but sometimes I just say stuff that made no sense then wonder what the heck I was doing then get embarrassed. For me, I just started to chill out, and do more LISTENING. You would be surprised what you can learn about how to conduct yourself by just LISTENING and then after someone else is done talking go ahead and put your thoughts in there. To effectively communicate, you need to be actively listening, thinking about what you should add to the conversation without actually talking and then knowing what to say when it's your turn.

    It may feel like you don't fit in with people depending on their group, like skaters and jocks and whatever. But you'd be surprised how similar people are. Effectively communicating with people involves getting on their side (as well as your own) and observing/listening to their thought process and where they're coming from so that you can really be understood when you're talking back to them. You are only as powerful as you can believe in yourself to be. You are who you are, and people perceive you as you want them to perceive you believe it or not. I thought I was doomed to always suck at communicating with people without feeling kinda stupid. But it just takes a little patience. I learned to observe people and how they act and talk and interact, especially older people. The main thing is I talked about stuff I had no idea what I was talking about. So I just started talking about what I knew about for real, then listened to others, and just learned. It has to do with growing up. But me and my mom had a huge generation gap and no brothers and sisters running around so you can imagine how awkward I was growing up.

    You actually will spend the whole first 25 years of your life (so crazy but true) just figuring out who you are, and what you are here to do. For me, I'm almost 25, and just now starting to grasp what life really is about. You think, hey I'm in high school I got it all under control, but those are the years you ought to be working on your self esteem and really (like I wish I had) that you're somebody and people will listening to you as long as you assert yourself and not worry about what people think. Care about others, but don't put them first when it comes to your self esteem. I'm not saying be a snob, but know that you are someone and who cares if they don't like a few things about you. It's not the end of the world, and believe me you will have plenty of that for the rest of your life and it's just life. So what! lol In high school, I remember that was the MOSt stressful time of my life, just trying to understand people and the crewl games they can play and the drama of it all. Just try to hold out and your self confidence is the single most important card you have to play right now as far as communicating with others. And just remember, people are people are people, they are nothing more and nothing less.. I promise! I'm about to go to a reunion and people that used to bully me now wanna be buddies. It's just cause they were learning who they were too. So don't sweat it :)

    Just takes time, don't feel dumb, you're not always gonna feel like that, a lot of it is just building your confidence and knowing, people are just people just like you. They have the same worries and anxieties and lessons in life to learn that you do. So don't worry so much and it'll all come if you just chill out a little :)

    • Nico3 years agoReport

      thanks for that reply. Six years later and it's still effective.

  • 4 years ago

    For the best answers, search on this site

    I don't know. I don't think anyone. When I'm with my friends, I am a different person then. When I'm with my family, I am another person then too. I feel like I am actually 3 or 4 different people, and I just don't know what to do. Like the real me is out there somewhere, but I just have to find it. I guess I will keep on looking and searching. I feel like I am a chameleon. You know? The one that can change and adapt to their surroundings? I guess I'm weird because of that

  • 4 years ago

    I am actually going through the same thing. So first find someone who you can tell everything to and come up with a code word for when you act different. Next, try to be more quiet and listen. DONT TRY TO PLEASE OTHERS! I still try to do this and it does NOT help especially if you are trying to get attention. Lastly, have conversations with you friends about important stuff going on in the world, your school, or just history.

  • 3 years ago

    How To Be Yourself

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    This can be difficult, especially when others are not themselves. There's many people for every person there is, there is the person they are, the person they want to be, and the person they think they are.

    If you want detailed help with this, send me an email, I'll help you to this.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    lesson number 1. stop worrying about what others think of you. it doesn't matter. lesson number 2 stop pleasing others, an lesson number 3. start pleasing your self

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Hang around people who have your persona.

    Source(s): I used to do that and it ended up being skaters and cool kids with another group of annoying kids that were creative and wierd
  • 8 years ago

    my self, Troll

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