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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 9 years ago

How to deal with inconsiderate friends?

A friend of mine (let's call her Jane) has a habit of bringing strangers (her other set of friends, but we don't know them) to our gatherings. She would either just bring the person along, or more often she would ask in a last-minute fashion if she could bring the person and and would give us a rationalization. Example: I made a reservation for a somewhat-fancy afternoon tea at an upscale hotel in the city for Jane, myself, and a friend who will be leaving the city shortly. We all have really busy schedules, and I have a 14-month old, so it took a lot of coordinating to finally agree on a time. Several hours before the reservation, I got a text from Jane asking if she could bring a guy who was a coworker/friend of Jane's and my friend's, because he would be leaving the city in a few months also and he wanted to have tea. She rationalized it further by saying "he's like one of the girls anyway." I gently told her no (I was expecting just a couple friends, didn't want to entertain a stranger), but this was not the first time Jane has done this to me and other people. (Example #2: One of our mutual friends, Amy, invited Jane and one other woman to vacation in a tropical paradise. Jane ended up inviting 4 other women; Amy knew all of these people, but didn't want them to go, but she was too nice to say no. Amy is now really sad about it and really not looking forward to this vacation.

Jane is a few years younger than me, and I have certainly gone through the phase in my young adult life when everyone wants to meet new people, we want to see ALL our friends whenever we have a party even if they might not know each other but they probably wouldn't mind, etc. I must admit I've committed the same crime in my younger days, but I've quickly learned and moved on. Jane will be joining me back at my workplace in a few months. Should I say something now and what should I say?

2 Answers

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Tell Jane that when a few people are invited then that is the plan. Tell her what you have written here. You explained this very well. The vacation, tell Jane that the vacation is for the few people originally invited. Just pull Jane aside and tell her. Your explanation here is very well said. I think Jane will get it if you explain it in this manner and nicely.

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  • 9 years ago

    First of all you should have a private meeting with Jane and tell her exactly how you and the others feel about her inconsiderateness. When reservations and plans are made for certain people then that's who they are for. If Jane continues her rude behavior then don't include her in your future plans. That settles that

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