Why are my kids rebelling?
I am a mother of three children. My oldest is a 16 year old son, then a 14 year old daughter, and an 12 year old daughter. They were all homeschooled up until last year when my husband lost his job and we had to move into an apartment and I had to get a job along with my husband looking for another job. So we had to send our kids to the local public school. My oldest, who was then 15, went into the 10th grade. Our middle child, who was 13, went into 8th grade. And our youngest, who was then 11, went into 6th grade.
Now, we are a very religious Baptist Christian family, and our daughters are not allowed to wear skirts or dresses that are exposing the knee and are not permitted to wear shorts or pants at all. No jeans or tight pants for our boy, and no "sagging". T-shirts are also not permitted for either. The girls' wardrobe consists of khaki and dressy skirts, modest dresses, polos (all buttons done up and collar down), modest blouses, pearl jewelry, and modest flats. The boy's consists of khaki pants, polos, dress shirts, and polished dress shoes. They are not permitted to wear makeup. Both of our girls, at the beginning of the year, had very long curly hair so that they could almost sit on it. It was parted in the middle and naturally brown. Our boy had short and neatly combed and parted hair, again naturally brown. They were all wonderful children, but about a month into the school year they all started rebelling.
First, my son refuses to get haircuts as well as refusing to brush his hair. Then my older daughter comes home from school with her hair cut to her shoulders and parted on the side with bangs. Then I catch my other daughter sitting outside our building talking to a boy! This boy looked about my older daughter's age and had long, messy hair and wore tight, cuffed jeans with checkered slip on shoes and a v-neck t-shirt under a zip up hoodie. It gets worse.
My older daughter made some...interesting new friends at school and she asked if she could go out to a party with them. My answer was a firm no. Later that night, I was reading in bed and waiting for my husband to get home and I heard the door slam. I got up and, seeing that my husband was not home, checked the kids' rooms. My son and older daughter were both gone and my youngest was sleeping (or possibly faking sleep) in her bed.
My oldest children got home sometime that night and I woke up and saw them both in the kitchen, chatting about whatever went on the previous night. My daughter was wearing black eyeliner and had a large purple bow in her hair. She had, however, changed into her nightgown. My son was sporting black and red hair, subtle black eyeliner, a white dress shirt, black skinny tie, a black vest, and tight black jeans covered in chains. He was wearing similar slip on shoes to the boy my youngest was talking to.
Then my youngest came out with bangs and layers cut into her hair. It also looked like she had somehow bleached blonde into her bangs. I was furious! That following Monday, I looked through their rooms before I went to work (the boy has his own room and the girls share one). I looked through the computer they share and found many counts of unacceptable music under each of their music files. Under Kenneth, my son's, I found bands such as The Cure, Korn, The Cult, The Sisters of Mercy, Linkin Park, and Rites of Spring. My older daughter, Olivia, had bands such as Black Veil Brides, Blood On The Dance Floor, Jeffree Star, I Set My Friends On Fire, Parkway Drive, and Brokencyde. My youngest, Andrea, had music such as Bob Dylan, Death Cab for Cutie, Modest Mouse, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Neutral Milk Hotel, The Shins, Galt Aureus, and The Doors. All of this music is unacceptable, as it is all Satanic and poisonous to young minds such as theirs. And in my youngest daughter's clothes, I found ripped and cuffed jeans, v-neck t-shirts, converse, fashion scarves, and eyeliner! My older daughter had jeans, Hello Kitty jewelry, t-shirts with those vulgar bands she listens to on them, converse, neon ballet flats, shirts with skulls and robots, mini skirts, and many unacceptable t-shirts. I found no bottoms that were not denim! And as for my son, everything at the back of his closet (where they all hid their clothes) was either black, white, or red. He adorned everything with chains and safety pins, with the occasional Cure t-shirt. He had large skate shoes and a pair of combat boots. I also found piercing needles and tongue jewelry!
I went through the older ones' texts (youngest doesnt have a phone) and they're both dating someone! I also caught my youngest kissing a boy! What is wrong with my kids and how do I fix them?
- KarolinusLv 48 years agoBest Answer
Read the following passages from the New Testament and determine for yourself the emphases of the Baptist dress code:
I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (NIV, 1 Timothy 2:9-10)
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. (NIV, 1 Peter 3:2-5)
"I want women to dress with modesty... with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."
"[Your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."
And where do you see "No skirts or dresses that are exposing the knees", "No Hello Kitty jewelry", "No Bob Dylan"? Christianity is a belief system of acceptance, forgiveness, and Love; its holy book, the Bible is not a book of rules, but a text of goodwill. Besides, it has been two millennia since the time of Jesus! How are we to abide to dress codes of wool cloth with three holes nowadays?
If this is a question of parenting, I have seen worse from teenagers. Back in the 60s, entertainment in the eighth grade was girls in "decent" blouse-dresses jumping rope. Earlier today, I've seen three teenagers- two girls and one boy- no older than the age of 14 go inside a bathroom stall together at a McDonald's. That and taking racy photos of themselves in front of a mirror are no doubt what children today find fun.
What can I say? It is not easy to make the transition from home-schooling to public-schooling to begin with, and what they are now doing is simply assimilating. Believe it or not, alienation by all your schoolmates for "decent" and "outdated" clothing is not easy on any teenager.
Melissa, they are not rebelling against you. They are only being who they are- teenagers. This is normal behavior.
I'd suggest you try to understand their behavior, rather than try to mold them into your standard of "good". Unconditional Love is what only God and parents can offer. Talk to them about their limits, but don't push the children too far.
God bless, and watch "The Virgin Suicides" when you have the time,
- Anonymous3 years ago
It seems as if you are in a rock and hard place. I think she is trying to test your love for her. I really do think so. Sometimes women will let you run after them to prove your love, but you are the one who should know her best since you both spent two years together. Read here https://tr.im/FT7kf
On the other hand, she may have already started a relationship with someone else and don’t want you to know. Is that an option? There is also a possibility that she just needs time to sort out her life. Apparently, you may not have reassured her that you have the same goals as she does in the past two years and that would be your task to prove to her that you want the best for her. So you don’t need to be too clingy.
She does not want that. She is seeking her independence from you and so she needs a little time. I would suggest giving her about 30 more days and then if no response write her a short note telling her how you feel about her without appearing desperate and let her know that you would love to talk – just talk so you can understand how she is really feeling. If you get an answer, that is your first indication that there is still some interest. Let her know that you would like to keep in contact with you whatever she decides. This will let her know that you care about her well being.
- Anonymous5 years ago
There "rebelling" because you gave them a very sheltered life and as far as the music they are listening to it is not satanic I listen to Blood On The Dance Floor, Black Veil Brides, and Jeffree Star, Blood On The Dance Floor gave money to orphanages and bought stuff for one of their fans that was a burn victim, and if you even listened to Black Veil Brides you would know that there songs are telling people to be them selfs and what there wearing it could be worse they could just walk around in underwear and your daughters talking to boys that's what they're suppose to do what do you expect them to die alone
- Anonymous8 years ago
I'm sorry, but you can't "fix" your kids. They have obviously chose what they want. I think their clothes are perfectly appropriate. The bands are far from satanic, I listen to Black Veil Brides and it is all about being yourself and expressing who you are. They are perfectly normal kids. The other stuff you made them wear is NOT cool for public school. Everyone wears jeans! What you made them wear would make it very hard for them to fit in, causing emotional problems. Many kids in high school and middle school are superficial and judgmental. I had a lot of problems because I wore corduroy pants! I was bullied so bad that I never wore them again. I can only picture what your poor son went through. It seems as if you told them who they were, but now they are getting the chance to finally see who they are for themselves. Let them figure it out. Just tell them to stay away from drugs, give the sex talk to each of them, give them curfews, and ground them if they do something REALLY bad. Like steal from a store or your wallet, get a tattoo, that sort of thing that a parent these days would ground their child for. I am positive that God won't love you any less if you let your kids have fun and be themselves. They are old enough to decide who they want to be.
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- 5 years ago
It's the Illuminati ,bro
think about it.
People can graduate from Highschool without knowing Algebra, Little kids are bringing guns to school & the teachers are sexing em up, People have their butts hanging out of their pants and there's SKULLS everywhere! Skull Hats, skull shirts, Skull pants, Skull book bags, Skull designs on clothing even for little.
kids! T.V. shows and movies brainwashing everybody.... It's the Illuminati.
- MarciaLv 44 years ago
Wow I your just mean no self expression I'm 14 an I love my chemical romance and black veil brides you need to lightin up so what if they like those bands did you even take time to listen to the epic bands they listen to the screamo bands express them becuease you hold them down and that's what there doing inside(for the record blink-182 ,and my chemical romance is not screamo) my parents like my chemical romance,motley crue,the ramones as do I you need to chill .they are not satanic either and even if they are so what who cares! And this is comein from a guy who goes to a catholic school hey I wear convers to band tees lots of bracelets eyeliner black tight pants and I have extremely long hair to but you know what it's called being yourself and that is something you can't take away know matter what now stop your complain and go do whatever it is that you do and chill out okay?enough said .
- 8 years ago
You can't fix them, the best way to make them stop lying to you is to let them have some freedom. I am religious myself, but it's not a sin to have fun.
All of your children sound awesome, and sound like the type of kids I would hang out with.
As for clothes, let your kids be who they wanna be, and dress the way they want. If it doesn't hurt anyone let them wear it.
Having a boyfriend is normal for girls starting around age 11. They usually kiss them too (who would have ever guessed) Your son is 16, most people would pick on him for never having a girlfriend. It's also very common for guys to wear eyeliner in the style of clothes/music he is going for. I know a lot of guys who wear it (I borrow my boyfriend's all the time).
If you don't let your kids go out, be normal, and have some freedom, they will lie and sneak behind your back. They will also start to hate you. Trust me.
When my mother doesn't let me do something I usually do it anyways, weather it's sneaking out to a party, wearing certain clothes, or dating certain boys or girls.
Just please give your children some freedom.Source(s): I am a 14 year old girl. I love to listen to the bands Black Veil Brides, Blood On The Dance Floor, Jeffree Star, I Set My Friends On Fire, Parkway Drive, and Brokencyde (they are amazing!). I wear skinny jeans, ripped clothes, eyeliner, dye my hair weird colors, and pierce my face. I am bisexual, and have had many boyfriends and girlfriends. I would also love to meet your kids.
- Anonymous6 years ago
Cause ur too strict! They r kids and ur making them act like the elderly! They have their own lives and guess what u have 2 live with it. If u do this all their life, then when they grow up they r gonna say that u were an uptight and rubbish mum.
That's the harsh truthSource(s): Mom of 6
- 6 years ago
Melissa, I am a preteen and I listen to Black Veil Brides, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with Sirens, and more. You can't control them. they are growing up, and it is okay for them to rebel. If you had ever listened and paid attention to Black Veil Brides lyrics, you would notice they're all mostly about being yourself. Let them be theirselves. Your son apparently posted a question on here, too.
- 5 years ago
You're way over reacting. Let your kids express how they feel and listen to the music they like. Its not satanic