My husband is a sex addict - what can I do?
I just found out some things about my husband, which have led us both to believe his is addicted to sexual activities.
We have been married for 3 years now, and ever since we have been married he has been responding to personal ads on craigslist, having sexual conversations with them and fantasizing about them. He would write anyone and everyone - women, men and couples. He has also met with someone twice and received oral sex - from a man each time - and he threw up afterwords because he was so disgusted himself.
He isn't gay.
He has an addiction.
Once I found out what's been going on, he told me everything and answered all my questions.
Since he was in 8th grade he has been masturbating several times a day. At first it was 8-9 times, but lately it has been more like 4-5 times in addition to any sex that we have been having.
He is addicted to watching porn, seeing pornographic images, talking and fantasizing about sex.
He is so ashamed of himself, and has a real problem trying to stop. He has tried, but he has become so addicted that, in his mind, he NEEDS it.
He has masturbated in all kinds of places - at work, at home when he says he has to go to the bathroom, in friends and families bathrooms, in all kinds of public bathrooms - restaurants, grocery stores. He says when he gets the urge he just has to do it.
He let me see all the emails he has sent and received over the last 3 years - there were thousands of them! Literally.
I don't know how to deal with this information. I love him and I want to be with him.
I don't believe in throwing away a marriage just because someone messes up.
We all make mistakes.
We have 2 daughters and of course that makes me want to make it work even more.
He is going to counseling at our church on Thursday, and I'm sure that will be helpful for him to deal with his addiction, but what can I do to deal with my emotions?
I'm hurt, sad, mad, disgusted, shocked, numb - I feel betrayed and like our married is a lie.
I don't see how he could have kept this from me for so long.
It makes sense though, why I have always felt a distance between us.
I know he wants to make it work and wants to get help and I'm willing to work with and help him, I just need to know what to do with myself, because I'm becoming a little depressed and I have no where to turn.
I can't just tell my friends or family what has been going on, and they are my usual support system.
Please help me.
Thanks in advance.
And you know what, I didn't believe that being addicted to sex was an actual thing until yesterday.
I always thought it was just an excuse for men to cheat, but I can see that this isn't necessarily the case.
Don't you think I've thought about our daughters' safety?!
Don't you think I've thought about who this man is that I've married?
He has held this secret for YEARS, trying to be normal and FAILING.
I want him to get the help he needs so he can be normal.
I'm just wanting to know if anyone has been through this and what helped them to cope.
Of course I will be seeing a therapist also, I'm just wondering what to do until then.
I told him if he's gay then it's fine and he can go and do what he wants, but he isn't attracted to men.
He said he thought it would be less like cheating if it was with a man instead of a woman.
While I think that answer may not be 100% the truth, there is still some truth to it.
He threw up because he was disgusted that he cheated on me at all, not because he thinks being gay is wrong.
I love how I ask for people to not be rude yet they are still rude.
This is my life, and I'm just looking for some advice from a man that has this problem or a woman who has gone through this.