Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 8 years ago

How can I stop being scared of sex?

I'm 17, and honestly, I'm a little scared to have sex. :/ I'm scared of pregnancy, STDs, but mostly I'm scared I'll be bad at it (virgin here, as you might be able to tell), I won't enjoy it, and that it'll leave me too attached to someone. Plus, I grew up in a religious household. I've been hearing my whole life that sex is bad, and people (especially girls) who do not remain "pure" until marriage are bad.

My last boyfriend was my first boyfriend. We didn't date for very long (about 2-3 months), and broke up at the beginning of summer. But he was really experienced and made me feel so awkward about giving him hand and b l o w jobs that I was so nervous to do it. He would just tell me to watch porn to get better and it just made me so uncomfortable with it. :/

Advice? Am I just a normal teen with healthy reservations about sex? Because I used to not be scared of it at all. Now I'm kinda terrified.

11 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    First there is nothing wrong with you being nervous or scared and "waiting" until it's the right time for "you".

    I think it's very natural to be worried you won't do it right or well, but it is also a very natural act and most of it comes natural. The rest you will work out with your partner. That won't be a bad thing either if you have the right partner for you.

    Anyone telling you you didn't do it well is concerned with only themselves. Especially if he tells you to watch porn to get better when it's something you should be doing together. A boy/girl who has only been around 2-3 months you owe nothing to and sex doesn't even need to be part of the equation. You don't need to watch porn to learn anything. I am quite sure that isn't how most of us learned.

    It's something special, not something you should be made to feel bad about or inadequate with. There really is no wrong or right way to have sex, it's all dependant upon each couple and person. Just so you are aware you don't need to perform sex acts for anyone unless it's what YOU want to do. Just because you don't want to have sex doesn't mena you have to give BJ's or hand jobs in place of it. You do not have to particiapte in any sexual activity that you don't wish to. Sex is not something your suppose to need talked into. If you do then it's a clear sign your not ready for it ywt. There is no set time to be ready but doing it to young can be damaging. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can chose to have sex when your ready and it's something you want to do. There is not a thing wrong with waiting for marriage. It's admirable. It's something very special you are saving for that one right person. That's always ok. This is your body, your biggest gift in life. Take very good care of it and don't let someone toss it around like a toy. Would you a prize posession? Make you the prize posession. Honor yoursef.

    You should be afraid of STD's. You are not exempt from them and some do not go away...ever. The same with pregnancy. Once it happens it's happened. You can't change it. There are options but they dont change the fact you got pregnant. This is your body. Your prize. Don't just reward anyone with yourself just because of a natural desire they feel. If it isn't what you feel then don't. You owe no one your body sweetie.

    Would you think it to be ok if you forced yourself on a boy? When he said no you said then he must perform oral or hand sex? Would it be ok for you to push him and push him until he did? Once he did you told him how bad he did and he needs to learn to do better? No it wouldn't and the exact same is true for you to. Remember that. If you don't feel something would be right for you to do then you need to also realize it isn't right for others to do either. Don't let guilt rule you.

    Honey one day a guy will come around who won't expect or make you feel what this one has. Then you won't feel as you do now. This guy wasn't and isn't the right choice for you. If he were he'd support you, not do as he has.

    Put your shoulders back and your head up and know you are worthy of more. With that said keep them shoulders back and head up and be a strong 17 yr old woman who knows what she wants and is confident with her choices not others for her. One who will know when the time and person are right for her. Not when someone tells her it is. Stand on your feet, not his. Learn from this experience. Allow it to make you a stronger woman not a weaker one. You can do this and you are strong and worthy enough. Stand up for you and what your ready for. It's your life and your body. Your going to have the control over them your whole life. Start with that now and get good at it first. Then you will be better prepared for all the rest that comes in life.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago


    1. Your previous boyfriend was a douche for making you feel awkward. He should have been more supportive!

    2. Ignore all that stuff about "purity". It's just silly.

    3. The first time will probably hurt a bit, but as long as you are careful and use proctection(!!!), then nothing bad will happen to you.

    4. You need to make sure that the person you are with is someone you can trust to be supportive and understanding. If he loves you then he'll be totally stoked that you chose to share the moment with him.

    5. Don't worry about being bad at it! You'll pick it up as you go along and it's something you can work on with you partner as you learn about each other.

    6. Be safe!!

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    and that it'll leave me too attached to someone.

    That's a pretty strong clue that you have fear of intimancy. Honor it. Talk to it. Find out why. In the way of tossing out wild possibilities you could be lesbian and not know it yet. Accept that too, if that's who you are. You can't change it anyway.

    If you're afraid of intimacy and plunge into a relationship anyway, it's likely to lead to an early separation.

    Traumas of various kinds can cause this fear, including PTSD, which you may not know you have until you're tested. There are free online tests. They're not very credible, but if you take three and they all indicate the same thing, could mean something.

    As for sex with yourself, it's the safest thing there is. You can do it as much as you want. There are a plethora of aids and devices on the market to help you achieve climax. Once you've had, say, 1,000 orgasms I'll bet you'll be much less afraid of sex.

    Source(s): Former nurse
  • Lauren
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    1. I was scared until I fell in love, and wasn't that scared when my man and I lost it to each other

    2. yes, you become very attached to whomever you have sex with- emotionally and obviously physically- you literally give yourselves to each other.

    3. never, ever, do anything you don't feel comfortable. He should've understood that

    4. you're way too young, I was 24 when I lost gave myself to my soul mate. And I'm so glad I waited this long. My man never pressured me into it. Well, I felt pressured to give him a bj, but when I told him it was turning me off, he backed off some. And I gave him some this past weekend.

    5. maybe the fact you felt pressured with your ex has something to do with you being terrified. You sound mature for your age. :)

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    How can I stop being scared of sex?

    I'm 17, and honestly, I'm a little scared to have sex. :/ I'm scared of pregnancy, STDs, but mostly I'm scared I'll be bad at it (virgin here, as you might be able to tell), I won't enjoy it, and that it'll leave me too attached to someone. Plus, I grew up in a religious...

    Source(s): stop scared sex:
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    You shouldn't have sex if you're still scared of it, it means that you're not ready. Everyone is nervous their first time but not terrified! Maybe masturbate so you are more comfortable with the idea of sex

  • 8 years ago

    if your really that scared then dont have sex. Its not a need at your age and besides you should get a boyfriend who isnt forcing you to watch porn to get better at sex.I think its normal your scared. My advice is to wait till your older sex is actually making love and what kind of love would it be if you fear it and it aint with someone special.

    Source(s): me
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Why do you want to force yourself? Your body is obviously telling you it doesn't want to have sex yet. You won't be scared of sex when you meet the right person. If they care about experience than they aren't in the first place.

  • 8 years ago

    You'll get use to it. Everyone is nervous for there first time . I promise that .

  • 8 years ago

    you have to stop listening to too much advice and just see sex for what it is ! look after yourself with protection and do it with someone who loves you and the rest will look after its self !.

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