Should I stick to my choice for Special Forces?
I'm now 19 years old. In my country, males have to do obligatory service for about 9 months when we become 18 years old. You make your choice through a paper that get's mailed to you, asking to go and fill some forms about your preferences to a military office. Of course, I'm studying in University now so I postponed my service for until graduation - it is possible through a paper administered by the University, and besides my studies are my number one priority - but aside that, let me go on to my real question.
So, I'm a person that showed an inclination for the military from a young age. Aside playing with guns and toy soldiers and watching action movies (I know these can't make you a soldier!), I always were interested in that: I enjoy conversing with people involved in the military, watching deeper documentaries or movies with that theme, reading about weapons, international procedures, specific military forces etc. and I won't lie; since I'm studying Physics and am planning for a post-graduate degree in a technology/engineering field, I would mind getting a similar job in the military. But I was always more inclined to the 'special' side of the army; The Special Forces.
So that's what I chose when the time came. To be more specific, my country has 3 branches for Spec Forces: The Mountain Operations Unit (I think they are called 'Rangers' in the US), the Underwater Destructions Unit (the unit is designed with the US Navy SEALs standards in mind) and the Marines. Those have other sub-divisions too. I chose the first, leaving out the choice for Airborne Units since heights are not my thing.
Reminding that this is just a 9-month service, I'm not sure if I'm cut out for this. I'm a nice person, kind and friendly, but I understand I've got just so many weaknesses that would eliminate me as a choice for the army. While I'm in good physical shape and am working on it more, it's my inner fears/inhibitions that I'm afraid of. First of all, the fear of heights. Secondly, I'm rather sensitive and can take things very personally sometimes and this throws my confidence down all the time. And third of all, the fear of failure is always there for me. I understand that moving forward and recognizing my weakness is a good first step, but I'm very afraid that I'd be a 'total clown' in the army.
On the other hand, all those listed above are also the reasons I want to get in. I want to go to the Special Forces because I know I'll be tried very hard, I'll be pushed beyond my limits and get over my weakness. But the biggest reason I want to go is because I'm very enthusiastic about it. I know this will sound childish, but every day, I like to do things like a Spec Ops guy would; I like sneaking behind friends just to see if I can, I like playing 'war' sports like paintball and airsoft, I search the internet for military work-out routines so I can be on edge, sometimes I even day dream of operations I carry out with my friends just for fun!
On a last note, my inclinations are mostly mechanical/electrical stuff, so I would mind a position that would involve it, like a combat engineer but still in the special forces.
So, do you think I'm not cut out for it? Or can everyone surpass their fears and join the special forces? Do you think this experience will harden me and help me in everyday life? I want to be a mentally stronger and more courageous person, because sometimes I feel like I fear too much.
Thank you in advance!