英文proofreading

以下句子在 grammer 及 logic 層面上犯下什麼錯誤??

摘自2009 HKCEE Eng marker's report:

............. in the following examples:

St.Kilda College aims to train students to be self-independent and obey to theschool rule. We hope students not only to rely too much on their parents andfriends, but be more self-assured. Despite being more self-independent, we aimto help the students not only get a good result in their academic performances;we hope that they can also achieve an excellent performance in other aspectssuch as sport.

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  • 9 years ago
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    (1) Grammatical error: wrong coordination with conjunction "and".

    St.Kilda College aims to train students to be self-independent (adj) and obey (verb) to the school rule. (wrong)

    St.Kilda College aims to train students to be self-independent (adj) and obedient (adj) to the school rule. (correct)

    (2) Grammatical / logical error: wrong use of correlative expression "not only ...but" instead of coordination.

    We hope (that) students not only to rely too much on their parents and friends, but be more self-assured. (wrong)

    We hope (that) students should not rely too much on their parents and friends, but (should) be more self-assured. (correct)

    (3) Grammatical error: fauty parallelism in correlative expression using "not only ...but also".

    we aim to help the students not only get (bared inf.) a good result in their academic performances; we hope that they can also achieve an excellent performance in other aspects such as sport.

    we aim to help the students not only get a good result in their academic performances, but also achieve an excellent performance in other aspects such as sport.

    2011-07-26 11:11:46 補充:

    "Despite being more self-independent, we aim to help..." has wrong logic. It is the students who are more self-independent but not we.

    2011-07-26 11:12:01 補充:

    Correction:

    "Despite the students' being more self-independent, we aim to help ..." or

    put the clause at the end of the sentence, "We aim to help.....as sport, despite their being more self-indepent." You may also replace the preposition "despite" by "regardless of".

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  • 9 years ago

    Kilda College aims to train students to be self-independent and obey to theschool rule. We hope students not (don't) only to rely too much on their parents and friends, but be more self-assured. Despite being more self-independent, we aim to help the students not (do not) only get a good result in their academic performances ; we hope that they can also achieve an excellent performance in other aspects such as sport.

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