i love to write and want to be a writer. tell me what you think?
I found myself walking with my best friend, besides my sister, Vlad. He is really the only friend I have my age and the only person I can trust. He knows what I am. I told him last year. I decided that since we had known each other for five years that he deserves the truth. And he took it well. He told me that he knew there was something different about me. He has also told me I was beautiful and had a “one of a kind” color of eyes. It is true, my eyes are golden colored and I’m always having people I don’t know at school tell me this like I didn’t know or something. It annoys me that people who don’t talk to me tell me this. It’s like they pity me and have to say something encouraging. I don’t let my mind think about it too much.
Vlad is really popular at school. He’s on the football, basketball, and baseball team. Everyone knows I’m his best friend but it doesn’t matter because I’m still the pretty but strange girl. They think he only hangs with me because he also feels sorry for me. It’s nothing of the sort.
Vlad grabs my hand just then and pulls me closer to his side. I’ll admit I do have a crush on my best friend. I know he doesn’t like me, he just likes he just likes to flirt.
“What are you doing?” I say, laughing at him. He can be so silly at times.
“Well hugging the prettiest girl in the universe of course,” he says as if it’s obvious.
“Ha, that’s funny. If I really was the prettiest girl in the universe you wouldn’t ever let me go.” He hugs me tighter, and I laugh.
He lets go. “Yeah, I know. Seriously though, I wasn’t lying. You are really beautiful Neymet.” When he says my name it sends butterflies in my tummy. I have to stop feeling like this. There is no possible future for me and him. I am a sorcerer after all, and I need to be with another sorcerer. I’m not sure why I have to yet but, it just seems right. Like my destiny. I shouldn’t get butterflies also because he is my best friend. I should be used to him saying my name from knowing him so long but, with him I can’t help feeling like this.
“Thanks. Bet your girlfriend wouldn’t like hearing you say that.”
“I don’t care what she thinks,” he says, his handsome face grows serious; “I think I’m going to break up with her.” I don’t know what to make of this different side of Vlad. I surely have never seen it before, not until tonight.
“Because she’s not down to Earth, not as pretty as some other people I know,” he smiles at me, “not really a caring person either. She’s stuck up and bossy. You know I don’t like to be bossed around.”
I know you too well, I think. “Yeah, I know Vlad. But one of your reasons should not be about how she looks.”
“I know.” No he doesn’t, I think to myself. I always tell him this with every girlfriend but, after all, he is a guy. I don’t know why I stick up for his girlfriends when they hate me and tell Vlad to “lose my number.” I don’t like them either.
“So, when you break up with this one, who are you going after?” The sun was setting on the beautiful summers’ day. Soon the moon will be peeking out and the stars will shine of the past. I always love being with Vlad at night. We walk over to our hill side by our neighborhood to watch the sunset.
“Well, I guess I don’t really know yet. Maybe I’ll stay single for a while,” he finally says. This is hysterically funny to me. “What?”
“Nothing,” I finally manage to muster after all the laughing, “You just never stay single for long. You’re so popular Vlad.”
“Popularity isn’t everything…”
“Right. Why do you keep me as your best friend anyway?”
“You’re a sorcerer. You’ll kill me if I ever stop being your friend,” I look at him like I am going to smack him when he says; “I’m playing. Really because you’re down to Earth, smart, pretty, cool. I could keep going if you want.” By this time we’re laying on our bellies on the hill gazing at the sunset. I look over at him and smile.
Everything you’re looking for is in your best friend?” I say. He considers a moment, and then looks at me. His eyes are dark green and his face a creamy color. His hair dark whips around his face as the wind runs its fingers through it. He is so beautiful.
“Yeah, I guess everything wonderful is found in you, Neymet.” He reaches for my hand. His fingers are warm and sweaty. He twines our fingers together then looks back at the sun setting. Only a minute until night comes out to play. It feels weird holding his hand. He’s done it so many times before but, this seems different. Does he really have feelings for me? I scoot closer to him and lay my head on his should, still hand in hand.
The sun goes down after about another minute. I feel so calm and right laying here next to Vlad, my best friend, my crush.
“Neymet! Time to come home!” I hear my sisters’ voice. It scares me back into reality where I’m the pretty but strange girl and Vlad is my popular friend.
“Common, let’s get
let me know what you think & be honest. i want to omprove. & btw im changing the name neymet i was trying it out to see if i like it. lol.
-OutCast aka Brittany
- Anonymous10 years agoFavorite Answer
It was great. It really was. I love your style of writing, it's great. There would only be one change, and it's the last you'd expect: cut out the "besides my sister" part in the first sentence. It just doesn't work lol. Other than that....it's awesome.
I'd like to know if you're using this as the beginning of the story, if it's going to be a lot longer. If it is, you need to change it. It doesn't hook the reader's attention well at all--you need to start with something that startles the reader--the middle of a fight or something. Start with a quote that the reader won't expect, something that will scare them, make them angry, shocked, etc. I thought it was great, but I know a lot of other readers won't like it as the very beginning. It would work PERFECTLY as the beginning of the second chapter or something, but a lot of readers are judgemental based on the first few pages. A bad habit, but no one can change it, so you have to fix it to make it appealing. Make sure the beginning is the best part. Make a good impression.
- Anonymous5 years ago
I write just for me. The thing is, when I tell people I write, more often than not they'll ask if I've ever had anything published, because they seem to think that you're not a "real" writer unless you've made the big time as an author :) I just started doing it for the fun of it and I continue to do it for that reason though sometimes I let someone read it so they can give me feedback on how they think it is. I guess I would like it if someone read my story, it's not a need necessarily, but I feel like it would be fun to let someone read it just to hear their view. Basically, I know I'm far too obsessive compulsive to likely be a successful author because I'm rarely satisfied enough with my story to ever let it be seen by a large number of people. My stories tend to get revised a million times and drag on forever. Just so you know I'm not exaggerating, one of my stories has been in production since the early nineties :) I've written other stories in the meantime, but one of them has been changed a lot over the years and in its current revision, though the characters are generally the same as they've always been, the story itself is different than what it started out being.
- 10 years ago
I didn't read it all because it was extremely long, but what I did read was good! I have no clue whether or not you are good enough to be a writer, I just know that you are good! Period.
One thing, you say 'besides my SISTER, Vlad. HE is really the only friend I have my age and the only person I can trust. HE knows what I am. I told HIM last year.' I take it that Vlad is not her sister but is in fact her BROTHER! HAHA!
- Anonymous10 years ago
Brilliant! I am the same, I'd love to be an author. You should carry on with this story and get it published, you'll make big money out of that.
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- Anonymous10 years ago
That is a great piece of writing. Very cute!!! Good Luck.
- 10 years ago
You're very good! I'm also trying to be a writer :)