Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 9 years ago

Here's a detailed discrition of a character in my book I'm writing, please tell me if it is good or not?

I have already done a brief discrition of this character in another question, which might be good if you have a quick look at. This character is called Kit, his full name being Kit'a'ran Vestiogon, just in case no one read it in my last question. He is a demon in my story. A demon is a animal like creature in my story that are able to live for about 10000 years tops and are basically what we would be like if we reached the peak of our evalotion. They can turn into their animal selfs one commard. There are many types of demons, all based on diffrent animals. Kit is a tigon demon so he is able to turn into a large 11 foot white tigon, his parents are a tiger demon and a lion demon. Hybrids are not meant to happen, if a mating between two diffent types of demon happen the offspring will be ether one or the other, so Kit is increadibly rare.

Kit is only very young for a demon, bascially on in his three hundreds although he only looks like he's in his mid twenties. He is roughly 6 foot 6 and had light blonde hair that naturely spikes and actually gets spikyer when he's alarmed. He had bright green eyes that are slitted like a cats and hands that end with slightly retractible claws that he will leave uncovered because gloves make them irrating. He wears mostly pale cloths, usually wearing a long slightly tattered duster coat and a top underneth that has a large incigina on it, it has no meaning at all to him. His ears are slightly tipped and he had 2 straps or belts that criss cross over his chest from his shoulders to his waist, which are also held there by another belt. He uses his claws as his primary weapons, often going for the face or neck if he wants to kill, going for the legs and belly when he is trying to keep them alive. He had another weapon that he will only use as a last resort, it is a five foot long double ended spear of a sort or a axe. Thats why he had the straps over his chest and back, to hold it in place on his back. When using this he will ether behead someone with a single blow, or jam them against the ground with the staff in the middle, using the weight of the axe heads to hold down his victim.

Kit has a quiet disintersted demenor, often he won't talk for days on end if he can help it. His voice reflects his nature, often sounding bored and disintersted. Even so he is very loyal, when he gets involed with something he will keep pursueing it till its done. And even though it is hard to make friends with this demon he will be a trust worthy for the rest of his or hers life. He was disowned by his oldest brother and forced into banishment on acount of be falsely acused working with humans to kill their sick father. Kit who was only a hundred at the time took out his anger on a village of humans, killing and eating over half the humans in it, causing a disorder that makes it that he can only eat meat and when he is hungry will make him go into a mad frienzy that causes him to kill and eat anything or anyone around him, even friends. When he realise he had it he took to attacking livestock to avoid killing inocents once he realised that it wasn't the humans fault. Its the main reason he doen't usually get to know others. In the main story he almost kills the main characters when he goes into one of his hunger attacks. Later the main characters, who are only 12 years old at the time realise they are sharing the same inn with him. He later is indeted to the main character after she saves his life after he fell into a river, he can't swim and has a horrible fear of water.

What do you think of this character, it took me a long time to come up with him, if you want to rate him 1-10 I would appreacte it. And just to make it clear to some people, THIS IS A BOOK, IT ISN'T A ANIME!

Update:

Well he's scared of water because when he was young his older brother, a lion demon tried to drown him, plus he is naturally unsure about water because of his lion side. His brother oviously didn't suceed in trying to drown him but the fear is still there, and obviously when your too scared to going into water you can't learn to swim, although he doen't like the rain much ether.

Update 2:

I need to point this out, he isn't the main character, at first he is more the enemy because basically the real main characters catch him at a bad time, then he goes into a place between unknown bad guy and anti hero to the main characters. The water thing is his flaw for a reason, he needs a bit of a enrational fear, and part of his plot is to beat it. He is the usual size for a demon and a little on the small size for his Tigon form, and demons are not built like humans, when a demon gores themselfs it can trigger this disorder and make it go feral explaining the frensy. He is young for a demon and they live that long because of how their bodies are built, they even have three hearts that allow them to have several diffrent beats to their hearts, including a very slow beat to one, if you read in to it animals with slower heart beats live longer then othe animals.

He is not all powerful and he tries not to get to know people because he isn't allowed near other demons, he had to

Update 3:

He was five years old when he was almost drowned, untill their about 16 they develop pretty much like a normal human does, then their other hearts kick in. Heis almost never happy, when he is he won't usually show it, but he will smile sometimes when he thinks no ones looking. He does this odd little pet thing when he likes someone. He will place his hand on the person head when he passes them. A demon can't cry like a human, they don't have tear ducts, so when the mourn they will go to a quite place and howl in destress or simly go a little nuts and tear up the trees around there.

Update 4:

He was five years old when he was almost drowned, untill their about 16 they develop pretty much like a normal human does, then their other hearts kick in. Heis almost never happy, when he is he won't usually show it, but he will smile sometimes when he thinks no ones looking. He does this odd little pet thing when he likes someone. He will place his hand on the person head when he passes them. A demon can't cry like a human, they don't have tear ducts, so when the mourn they will go to a quite place and howl in destress or simly go a little nuts and tear up the trees around there.

I like to be able to anwser other questions people give me, its a habit of mine :) hope its good enough detail.

6 Answers

Relevance
  • Seal
    Lv 5
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I hope everyone else from his home has about two apostrophes in their names like Kit'a'ran :P

    No offense - and I don't know how you're going to write this - but he seems a bit overly powerful/Stu-like...

    -lives 10,000 years

    -very rare type of demon

    -his hair reflects how he's feeling when he's frightened

    -both powerful with claws he keeps about in 6 ft 6 human form and 11 ft tigon form

    -happens to keep a five foot long double ended spear strapped conveniently to his back

    ...and yet, he's afraid of water?

    ...he doesn't get to know other people because he might eat them all random times.

    Nor do I get why the frenzy/carnivore disorder has anything to do with eating too many humans, but if that's how it is I'd just advise you to keep it consistent with the rest of the story.

    His personality doesn't seem very fleshed out. He doesn't talk much and when he does he sounds bored. He sticks to what he does. When you describe someone you know well (or yourself), wouldn't you do more than a few sentences? What does he do when he's sad, angry, happy? How does he act in different situations?

    He may be a 'cool' character, but he sounds more like all-powerful live a long time and kill anyone at will than a hero we can relate to. You want a main character with the same flaws people have so we can understand him. I think he'll need a little more than trying not to kill everyone accidentally. I won't rate your character, though, I find it difficult to put a number on a character because there's a lot to consider. But right now, I feel like he could do some more developing. Try and make him more real, how rare he is and the powers he has aren't as important as the personality.

    EDIT - I just think it doesn't make sense that he's six foot six (and 11 ft transformed), goes on killing rampages and is very fearsome, yet he's afraid of water. If he's so tough, why didn't he pull himself together and 'conquer his fears' a few hundred years after the incident (I don't know what you mean by 'young' and you say he's already 300 years old)?

    Also, forgot to say - careful with the grammar and spelling. Don't forget to edit.

  • 9 years ago

    8/9. It would be a 9/10 if there was an explanation for why he is afraid of water, perhaps some kind of a river demon attacked him when he was a child. And Annie, lions actually can swim. Some lions in Africa are forced to swim as part of their seasonal migratory pattern.

  • 9 years ago

    10

    His character sounds very interesting to the point that I wouldn't mind reading about him. I like the idea that he has some aspect of the Lion in him by being afraid of water and not knowing how to swim since Tigers love to swim and love water.

  • 9 years ago

    9/10, not bad!

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 9 years ago

    Very good!

  • 9 years ago

    10!!! I would read it :)

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.