My sons father is taking me to court for SOLE CUSTODY!!?

I am 22 years old (full time mother) to a 2 and half year old beautiful boy. I am on welfare and have a nice apartment (not housing) and I also get support from my mother she has been buying me groceries for 2 and half years since my sons father refuses to pay child support. My sons father is 23 years old and has A lot of money, he has a lawyer and I don't and HE FILED COURT ON ME! We both have shared custody since we are both on the birth certificate. I am a stay at home mom, I have been taking care of my child and so has he but he started paying me $198 a month for about 5 months because my social worker demanded it. in October my sons father put my son in daycare Without My Consent!!! and stopped paying me child support all of a sudden!! I went to my social worker and they gave me a paper to show me how much he owes me in child support including the times hes missed and including INTEREST! My sons father makes me have him on the weekends now but I personally think he is doing this because his girlfirend (That he has cheated on me with when I was 7 and half months pregnant) Keeps telling him to take me to court and get SOLE custody and the court papers say he wants me to have supervised visits as if I'm some crack head or something (I DO NOT DO DRUGS) I am a good mother and take care of my son better then my sons father (his sisters and his girlfirned take care of my son and pick him up from day care since my sons father works 9-5 Job) when my son is with me he gets my FULL attention I am a young single beautiful mother and live on my own and make sure there is breakfast lunch and dinner on the table for my son at all times, I bath him at all times he is with me and take him with me everywhere i go when he is with me. I have court on Thursday at 11AM (June 30th) he lied and said i have no food in my fridge, and says my house is always dirty (I had the police investigate my house and said they have never seen a place so clean and nice since i keep my place well kept and they seen i had food in the fridge!) He says my hallway stinks of marijuana (witch is true) but only because my neighbors are pot heads and they are getting evicted they are moving next month my landlord found out they are selling drugs in the building so she evicted them! CLEARY my sons father is doing everything he can to lie on me just to win, wont it show he is trying to take my child from me because he clearly does not want to pay child support and he says he is takin me to court because I have no MONEY!!! Obviously not I only get enough to pay my rent and my mother provides the groceries since he refusees to pay child support but instead Pays the daycare teacher 800 DOLLARS a month! to do my job !! The only thing I am bringing with me is my witness's and my mother (my second sons father should I say) and the paper stating how much CHILD SUPPORT he owes me. My sons father filed for court BEHIND MY BACK but he gave me the court papers LATE (he filed for court MAY 12 2011, AND GAVE ME THE COURT PAPERS ON MAY 31st!) and kept saying he is not going to take me to court if we have a decent custody agreement HENCE why I do not have a LAWYER!!! But I don't believe I need one I am a good mother and I will be honest with the job! Who will be in the court room with us will it just be me and my sons father? or are we allowed to bring our own people? What do you think is going to happen when I go please be specific and detailed please, and thank you!???? (PS... WE are NOT Married and never were.

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    First, you should do some research on your particular state. States vary widely on how they settle custody issues. So no one on YA! will be able to answer your questions completely without knowing the state. You can call the court that you are going to and ask them how their procedures work. Which is always a good option. As for me, I have battled in court twice for custody, once in Pennsylvania and once in Montana. Two totally different approaches on how they handled them. In Montana nothing was done without a judge sitting right in front of you and you were able to have witnesses, they came into the court room one at a time, gave their testimony and left right after, and they were kept separate during the hearing so they could not converse with each other.

    Pennsylvania did not allow any witnesses. I could not even use my ex-wife's recent arrest against her even though she was convicted and served time and was on probation/parole for selling drugs out of the house my kids were living in. The judge came to us and told us to sit down and each of us had to write out what we wanted. And she warned us ahead of time, that if either of us were unreasonable in what we asked for the other would win and if we were both unreasonable we would both lose and the children would go to foster care. I was not allowed to even mention my ex-wife's history in the document. When we were done, she looked at both of them, my ex-wife, I reckon, was unreasonable because the judge looked at me and told my that I did a good job, she signed it and exactly what I had put down was our custody order. She didn't even have it typed up. It is still in my handwriting.

    From these two examples, I hope you see that the judges can have whatever technique they want. I still go back to what I said before, call the court and ask what type of procedure the judge uses normally. Which they may change from time to time.

    I am curious about something though. You say right now that you share custody. And from the way it sounds here you share the time pretty evenly also. That being said, why does welfare think he owes child support? That doesn't make sense to me. Especially for $198 per month. I have heard of rich people pay the other parent some support so the child could have a more balanced life while sharing parents, but I have never heard of it unless it is extremely different and then the amount was much larger.

    I heard of one case when I was in the last custody battle that I really liked. I don't remember where it was but the judge ordered the children to stay at their home, the one they had always lived in. There were 4 or 5 children in this case also. But whichever parent had custody that week had to bear the burden of moving their clothes in and out every week. I mention this because I think it is the most fair hearing I had ever heard of for the sake of the children. One week dad lived in the house and the next week mom did, they both had to pay equal amounts for electric and other utilities. I also mention this for anyone else who reads this and is going through a custody battle, This may be best for their children.

    If I were you, in case the judge will not accept testimony from witnesses or an affidavit from the police. I would take pictures of your home. Lots of them. Show the judge how clean your house is, even behind your fridge, stove, toilet, sinks, and so forth. Take pictures of the food in the fridge. That way your cleanliness is not in question. If the marijuana smell is coming from a hallway that is outside of your apartment I would take pictures of it as well. Explain to the judge that you should have full custody and the father should have liberal visitation. Explain that you have more time for your child. That your ex should pay a little more child support so his son could have a better place to live. That you are doing the best you can.

    I would also call and do research on the daycare that your son is in. Most have at least one or two complaints. These complaints you can use to your benefit. It shows you have real concerns about your sons safety, especially when he is with his father. It also would show your ex has not got the best judgment if there are complaints especially if those complaints are listed with the BBB.

    I hope this helps some. Good luck in court.

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  • 9 years ago

    Yes, you should get a lawyer. That's just common sense. It doesn't matter whether or not you are a good mother.

    Are you going to keep asking this indefinitely? What answer are you wanting?

    You seem very immature. You're ranting, and asking the same question over and over. Yesterday you asked how to get your ex arrested, even though you haven't shown he's broken any laws. You share custody, yet you whine you're not getting child support. You complain your son was put in daycare at your ex's expense. I have no idea what's going through your head, but you don't seem to have reasonable expectations.

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  • 9 years ago

    Call legal aid and see if they can help you with a lawyer. Also to the other people notice how she mentions a SECOND son. While yes she should get a job maybe at this point she can't. Childcare is expensive. There are plenty of women who do work and still need welfare. You don't know the facts of her entire life. She's just trying to get USEFUL information not a lecture. And no I'm not a jobless mother who lives off of welfare coming to her defense. I am a stay at home mom and my fiance supports us by himself 100%. We have personally hit hard times before though.

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  • 9 years ago

    Sounds like you two never had a legal agreement. As such, he can do what he wants...for now.

    So, I recommend you -

    1) Get an attorney, see legal services as you would likely qualify for a pro bono attorney

    2) Get a JOB - seeing as daycare is no longer an issue for you - you can now find employment

    3) Gather up every report your social worker has and be prepared to review them in court

    4) Ask for joint custody, primary residence and then work with mediation to figure out a reasonable visitation schedule; and don't forget to ask for child support

    The papers getting to you late - no biggie - file for a continuance so you can find an attorney. That will delay things long enough for you to get the other things done (like finding a job!).

    As for the groceries...seriously? Do what the rest of us do - get a job and pay for yourself! Nobody buys my groceries for me or pays my rent for me - I actually have to work!

    Add: And then I noticed this...amongst others... http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjjJ8...

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  • 9 years ago

    So, your ex bf pays for child care while you sit at home on welfare? Why don't you get a job? If he's in arrears in child support, he is not going to get any sort of change in custody.It's especially important to know that you're beautiful. Get a job!

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Someone who tries to represent themselves has a fool for counsel.

    GO GET COUNSEL.

    No amount of ranting will keep you from getting screwed in court.

    The only thing which will keep him from getting the elevator and you getting the shaft is A LAWYER.

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  • DM
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    You should want him to participate in his childs life. Get things done legally to protect your child, your parental rights and the fathers parental rights.

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  • 9 years ago

    My answer is the same as when you asked this question a couple days ago.

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  • Darcy
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Get an attorney and fight it.

    No one can tell you what may or may not happen.

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  • 9 years ago

    my answer is also the same as when you asked this a few days ago.

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