Can you give me a critical review for my introduction?

Introduction-

Past the war, hunger, anger, disease, and all of the other evils of this world, there is one place that stands where present day Seattle is. The year is 2911, the 11th year of the 30th century. The city is now called Eltteas and after centuries of war and corruption the city is largely populated but is filled with poisonous fumes in the air that can make you sick within a few days of continuously breathing them in. The city is filled with gleaming lights of building tops and citizens covering their faces with masks. Eltteas is a canopy of toxic fumes and smog. Yet, this is the most largely populated city in all of present day North America, which is known in the 30th century as West Acirema, or The West.

After years and years, in the 22nd century, a man invented a nuclear bomb that made a huge bowl in the ocean. All the water, strangely, moved away from the hole and flooded the continents. Now The West is filled with massive bodies of water and The Great Lakes are part of the world’s smallest oceans, Lake Superior isn’t all that superior anymore. The flood made the seven continents split up into 3 large ones,Sector 1, Sector 2, and Sector 3, Sector 1 being West Acirema. Each Sector has a different climate and seasonal pattern. Earth’s magnetic field also switched around within the centuries and all compasses point south.

Most people lost all ways of etiquette and became barbarous monsters. Eventually they became a bit more civilized and started using utensils when they ate. Then the world sped up and moved to the point where iPods and iPhones were being used frequently, and to the point where ‘Google it’ became a common term. Now in the 30th century the world is even more advanced than it used to be. The world is filled with massively populated cities and advanced technology; cities are created on an island and expanded using narrow roadways. The roadways and the cities themselves are swarmed with bordering water.

Sector 2 actually stayed behind in history and kept their nature as barbarous people, Sector 2 is the only Sector without any cities bordered by a large body of water that practically engulfs the city itself. Sector 3 and Sector 1 however are the two Sectors that chose to expand all the way to advanced technology. Now we come to what is happening and why you are reading this at all. Today, Friday May 13th, 2911, a group of people who are extremely gifted are about to stop history from repeating…

Thanks!

3 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It pretty good! here are some critiques:

    First of all, I could tell you were turning the names Seattle and America backwards, so unless that's what you were aiming for, try to find a different name that's not so obvious.

    Second, I feel like the introduction was half serious, half laid back. Like it was a mix of written by a REALLY good 16 year old writer, or and adult. I don't know, but the way you used your grammar and language made it feel like a mix of both which was a little confusing to read. It was still good, but just a little confusing. Then again, that might just be me.

    But other than that, I'm serious, it was really good. I kinda want to read the book now.........!

  • 10 years ago

    It's good but what is the story about, like is this the story or just the introduction? either way you should leave some details out for people to find out as they read.

    Source(s): writer
  • Wow. Nice, that sort of halfway freaked me out, halfway made me intrigued.

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