Lee Ben asked in 社會與文化語言 · 10 years ago

請英文高手幫我修改好點

This is Ben. I know it is random that I am writing this email to you, but there is something I think you should know, Jo just got surgery two days ago and now is in the hospital, because of the car accident. I am pretty sure the one that Jo needs right now is you. I know you guys are in the fight and I saw the email you sent to Jo. I know this is not my business, but I just want to tell you that I am the one posted the article online, Jo only wrote it but never post it, but when I saw it I did it. I am really sorry about it, I never thought the blog is connect to Jo's Microsoft Messenger, plus I know I shouldn't did it before asking Jo. But just know from the third person of view I understand the feeling of both of you guys, I know Jo was being really rude and shouldn't talk to you like that, but just know that I've never see Jo being like this before. You are the first person I know that Jo cares, and this makes Jo doesn't know what to do, Jo tried to hurts you, but when Jo started trying to, next second she stopped, because Jo just can't do it. Jo told me that everytime when she tried to do something that can threat you, there is a voice in her heart telling her to believed you and stop. Not to be rude, but I hate to see Jo like this, I hate to see Jo not trusting anyone, I hate to see Jo not smile anymore. From what I heard about you, I can tell that you love Jo a lot, and never want to let Jo go, I don't have any problem trusting someone, so I know you did and still do. Paloma, the feeling for someone can not get block and it shouldn't be block either, you have no idea how hard it is to find someone that you can be in love with in this whole world, you guys are really lucky to found each others,

3 Answers

Rating
  • 老登
    Lv 7
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    老登來回答

    This is Ben. I know it is random that I am writing this email to you, but there is something I think you should know,

    版主的 e-mail 下方一定會署名,所以不用寫明 This is Ben.

    Dear XXX

    I am sending this random e-mail just to let you know something about Jo.

    Jo just got surgery two days ago and now is in the hospital, because of the car accident. I am pretty sure the one that Jo needs right now is you.

    Jo is in the hospital now. She had a surgery two days ago owing to a car accident. I am pretty sure that the most important thing she needs now is the care from you .

    I know you guys are in the fight and I saw the email you sent to Jo. I know this is not my business, but I just want to tell you that I am the one posted the article online, Jo only wrote it but never post it, but when I saw it I did it.

    I know you guys were in fight by seeing the e-mails from you. This is not my business but I want to let you know that I was the one who posted the article whcih was written by Jo but never thought about to post it online.

    I am really sorry about it, I never thought the blog is connect to Jo's Microsoft Messenger, plus I know I shouldn't did it before asking Jo. But just know from the third person of view I understand the feeling of both of you guys, I know Jo was being really rude and shouldn't talk to you like that, but just know that I've never see Jo being like this before.

    I am sorry about that. I should not do that without getting Jo's approval, and I don't know the connection from her Microsift Messenger to the blog. Jo was rude this time. But trust me, she is never like this before.

    以 e-mail 來說,內容太長了,看信者不會仔細看,說重點請對方直接去醫院探訪再解釋可能比較好

    希望有幫助

  • 10 years ago

    hey, Ben... 我覺得你已經寫的不錯啦... 如果只是寫給朋友、平輩、非商業正式...等的信件,那麼這樣的語氣及格式,我個人覺得就算是恰當了...

    如果真要說,幾個地方提出來討論:

    "...Jo just got surgery two days ago and now is in the hospital, because of the car accident."

    此句的結尾,你寫信的對象知不知道這個女孩子出了車禍呢?如果他不知道的話,或許用 a car accident 會比較好,使用 the 是指特定的東西,例如對方也知道她出了車禍,那就是"那個你們兩個都知道的" 特定的那場車禍。

    "...Jo only wrote it but never post it, but when I saw it I did it. "

    這個 it 其實可以省略

    "...I never thought the blog is connect to Jo's Microsoft Messenger, plus I know I shouldn't did it before asking Jo."

    這裡是小小的文法失誤... I shouldn't did it 該用 I shouldn't have done it 比較恰當。因為你的意思是你不應該做,但是已經做了,是"與事實相反"的話就要用 shouldn't have done... (抱歉,我其實不太擅長文法解釋...)

    另外,小小的建議:這裡的 it ,可以改成 such thing,因為已經蠻多 did it/done it 在前面了,用such thing 可以是這件事或這類的事,參考看看,不一定要改...

    "But just know from the third person of view I understand the feeling of both of you guys, I know Jo was being really rude and shouldn't talk to you like that, but just know that I've never see Jo being like this before."

    稍作修改:

    "From my view as a third person , I understand the feeling of both of you guys, I know Jo was being really rude and shouldn't have talked to you like that, at the same time, I've never see Jo being like this before."

    at the same time - 前面你說... 我知道她不應該...,同時我也知道.....

    如果你要用原來的句子,可把後面的 just know 改成 also know 。 同個句子裡,最好不要用兩個以上的 but,有時甚至不需要。

    "...I can tell that you love Jo a lot, and never want to let Jo go, I don't have any problem trusting someone, so I know you did and still do...."

    這句的後面那段 "so I know you did and still do ",不太確定你要說的意思是指什麼。是說你知道他有信任人的障礙,還是他不想放手讓Jo走,而你信任他還是這麼想。

    "...get block and it shouldn't be block ..." get 改成 be ; 兩個 block 都加上 ed

    " ...you guys are really lucky to found each others."

    可修改成:

    ...you guys were really lucky to find each other. 或 ...you guys are really lucky to have found each other. (other 不需要 s )

    以上供你參考,但就如我先前所說,你寫的已經算很清楚了,我想就算不修改對方應該也看得懂,但好學不倦是美德。共勉之~

    2011-06-26 13:58:10 補充:

    "Jo tried to hurts you..." hurts 去掉s

    " ...next second... " 加上the

    "...everytime when she tried to ...: 可去掉 when

    2011-06-26 13:58:47 補充:

    "...there is a voice ..." is 改成 was (或乾脆用 there's, ; P )

    "...telling her to believed you ..." believed 去掉 d

    "...not smile anymore..." smile 加上 ing

    (連發表意見也限制字數.... ??!!)

    Source(s): I
  • ?
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    Lee Ben:

    It's a long-winded e-mail. Don't get wordy.

    001回答者的"語法獨特", 值得學習!!哈哈!!

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