What Do You Think Of The Beginning Of My Book?

Sky awoke to the sound of a horrible coughing. He knew that curdled up across the hall was his father, sitting in his cotton sheets on his king sized bed. Hacking his lungs up. Smoking kills, but it's addictive. Sky looked over at the clock on the left side of his double bed. The bright red numbers made his eyes sting. He squinted and thought to himself, 5:00 is to early to get up, just an hour longer. But no matter how hard he tried to fall back asleep, the sound of his bedridden father kept him wide awake.

Through the darkness Sky could see the outline of the sunrise, glistening between the cracks of the blinds on his window. The birds chirping gave him a sense of comfort, as if all was going to be okay, just because they were singing their song. He decided that laying there trying to fall asleep wasn't going to do him any good. Sky slid the covers from his bed down to his ankles and swerved around to get up and find some clothes for school. Skinny jeans or baggy jeans? He thought. He went with a black pair of skinny jeans and a band T-shirt. The Used. His next to favourite. Sky slid on his pants and shirt in the darkness and cold, when he realized that he needed a belt he flicked the switch on and the room around him lit up in a dull, boring sort of way. All of his walls were black with bright, neon pictures and posters taped to the wall. His sheets were black, his carpet was white, his blinds were white and his closet's border lines were lime green. Nothing too extravagant, just his style. He searched for a belt in the back of his closet. Hot pink, neon blue, white, black with yellow skulls. He couldn't decide. What would Trent choose? Sky pondered, Trent was Sky's boyfriend. He got picked on a lot at school because of his sexuality, but he didn't mind. Sky stood there for a moment, thinking about Trent. Was it love? Or just a false sense of love that kept them going for the two years they had been together.

He didn't know, but he did know he needed to find a belt. Or else he would be mooning people all day. And that wouldn't be very good.Sky thought and finally went with the hot pink belt to go along with the white lettering on his band T-shirt. Sky closed his closet doors and looked at himself in the mirror. There was something missing in his outfit. For some reason he knew that it wasn't complete just yet. He looked around the room trying to find out what it needed. Something, but what something? Sky thought to himself. He spotted a couple of his wrist bands laying on a side table beside his bed. One with rings in it, to make it look like it was full of holes. One with spikes, and one with studs. The spikes were too dangerous, the rings didn't match, so Sky put on the wrist band with the studs. There now it looked good.

He then proceeded to the bathroom where he would do his hair and make-up. Surprisingly enough, it took Sky close to two hours to do his hair that morning. For some strange reason it wouldn't cooperate for him. The bathroom smelt like a mixture of candles and hairspray by the time he finished. Sky waited until the straightener cooled down and then he moved on to his make-up. He didn't go all out like a cross dresser, just some lash blast and eye liner did the trick. As if his eyes needed to stand out more. They were already a shade of bright blue, almost a sea blue, if it wern't for the golden outline around his eyes you would almost think he had contacts in. Sky hated the color of his eyes, he thought they made him look vulnerable. And he was. But he rarely showed his emotions to anyone accept Trent.

Skylar checked the clock once again. 7:13, ****! Sky bolted down the stairs and rounded the kitchen where is mother was standing at the window having a cigarette.

" Morning, Sky. How did you sleep? " She wheezed at she talked, her voice was scratchy and her skin was pale.

" Fine, mom, but I really have to go. I'll see you later. Bye! " Sky didn't like talking to people very much. He was always quiet and when he was younger his parents thought that he was depressed. He wasn't. He just wasn't the social type. Which he always thought was funny because Trent was the complete opposite, he was very social. But there wasn't very many people to talk to these days. All the hate and flaque they both got when people found out they were dating nearly tore Sky apart. He changed. And now he was this. People have stereotypes, they call him and Trent emo. Short form for emotional. But Sky was everything but. Well, that wasn't entirely true, Sky was emotional, just so emotional that he hardly felt anything at all.

He headed down near the end of the street to the bus stop. He was the only one there. He was always the only one there.

If you want to read the rest, go to my page and click the the one with Q2 at the end :)

2 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Best Answer

    i know this goes against probably everything you've been taught/think is right, but there are too many words!! the descriptions are too wordy.

    "Skinny jeans or baggy jeans? He thought. He went with a black pair of skinny jeans and a band T-shirt. The Used. His next to favourite. Sky slid on his pants and shirt in the darkness and cold, when he realized that he needed a belt he flicked the switch on and the room around him lit up in a dull, boring sort of way. All of his walls were black with bright, neon pictures and posters taped to the wall. His sheets were black, his carpet was white, his blinds were white and his closet's border lines were lime green"

    ^^all of that is just color after color after COLOR.

    but wait, there's more!

    "They were already a shade of bright blue, almost a sea blue, if it wern't for the golden outline around his eyes you would almost think he had contacts in. Sky hated the color of his eyes, he thought they made him look vulnerable"

    it's a really good description, but do you really need like...30 sentences on him getting dressed?

    it's kind of like...sky did that, then sky did this. doing this made sky feel like that, but then he did this and that, making him seem like this.

    it's a good start, mind you: i'm not trying to be like aarrrgh this is nasty, because it's not!! it's just really, really wordy. but some authors do write like this and do a fantastic job at it. :))) good luck with your writings.

  • 9 years ago

    The second sentence sounds like a question. Shouldn't there me a question mark? Sky is a guy's name? Since when? I'm just kidding :) But seriously, you lost my interest. Try to make it less... like a munch of unappealing words that no one has time to read. Good luck with that.

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