Normal to feel hopeless as a first time mom?

"I lost myself before I could ever find myself" is the quote I created recently to explain how I feel about motherhood. I am happily married (husband is away a lot these days for business) and we have a beautiful 8 month old. We own a home and we have 2 vehicles. Life should feel incredible right? WRONG!

I can't seem to handle things very well at all. My baby cries a lot and so often I lose all control and start freaking out and yelling. I feel like a horrible mother when I so often can't contain my strong emotions. I wanted a child, I wanted more children. Lately, I don't want anymore children because I feel I can hardly handle this one. I always viewed children as a blessing, but I find myself wanting to get far away from my little blessing. Even when I go out and enjoy myself with friends, it's great for a time but then I know I come home to the crying all over again. It feels hopeless like I can't escape. I would have never viewed motherhood like this in a mission years...prior to motherhood that is...

I am venting right now. I really DO love my baby girl. But I'm worried that I can't do the job very well. I'm a SAHM and that too is what I always wanted and I'm thankful my husband provides for his family well. Then why do I feel so miserable and *gasps* trapped? I can't even believe I'm saying and have been thinking this way. This is NOT the real me, no way!

I want to be a great wife and mother. My husband thinks I'm an awesome wife and he's very happy, but motherhood seems to have knocked all the life out of me. A break to see friends or go to a coffee house by myself just isn't what I want, I want to know who I really am, I went from my father's house right into marriage and 2 years in, we have our first baby. Life is GREAT! I have every reason to be truly thankful...but I feel so miserable. Is this all normal and does it go away?


My biggest emotions recently in order are as follows: angry, exhausted, hopeless, guilty.

Update 2:

Because someone asked: I'm 24.

I feel so out of control all the time. There are moments when I simply am in love with my cute baby girl and want to kiss her and cuddle her and everything. But it changes so quickly into utter frustration. I feel so bipolar now that I'm a mom! Yikes! I want my kid to know stability in the home, but I don't even seem to have it.

8 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You should talk to your doctor about the possibility that you have post-partum depression. It is not your fault if you are depressed and feeling this way, it happens to a lot of moms. But you do have a responsibility to yourself and to your family to get treatment if you are depressed. You really owe it to yourself more than anything. You will feel better which will make caring for your daughter much more enjoyable. Treatment might consist of either or both: medication and talk therapy.

    I also wanted to suggest that you get involved with a hobby or activity on a regular basis. It sounds like you are overwhelmed with the way your life has changed in the past few years. If you are able to arrange for a weekly babysitter, it will help you get back in touch with yourself. Is there a sport you like? You could join an adult league. Do you like reading? You could join a book club. Do you belong to a religion? You could volunteer. Etc...Having a project, hobby or personal goals that you are working on can help give you a better sense of "finding yourself" than just hanging out with friends or going for some coffee (although those are important breaks to have, too :)

    Hope this helps!

  • ?
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    if your feeling this bad I think you should consider speaking to a doctor. You said you feel 'bipolar'? well you very well could be or maybe post-natel depression. You dont have to suffer in silence there is help available. Maybe its part of being a SAHM too your not getting any time away from things. Have you maybe considered going back to work and seeing how you get on.

    You ARE NOT a bad mum. Whatever this is its not your help and the sooner you get better the sooner your life will. money, cars and a nice house do not bring happiness to you or your family.

    hope this helps.


  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Well, I have no experience myself, being only 19, but from what I've seen most couples go through a phase like this, especially if the husband is away on business a lot.

    I think you'll just have to get through it until the crying dies down. I'm in no rush to have children due to the early years of it.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  • orla
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    I would really talk to your doctor because this sounds alot like postnatal depression. It's normal to feel anxious as a new mum but if you are feeling down most of the time that is a big problem. Babies also can sense our anxiety and depression and your daughter will not feel settled if you are feeling this way. Please don't feel ashamed to talk to your doctor, being depressed doesn't make you a bad mother.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    My suggestion love is to go to your family doctor and talk to them about it. You may have post-partum depression. I have read so much about that so I knew the signs for myself. I do not have it but I know someone who does. To make your life and everyone elses less tense go get checked for it. I wish you all the best. Good luck!

    Source(s): Mom of a 5 1/2 month old and What to Expect in the first Year book
  • 9 years ago

    Sorry, dear , this is what it's like, which is why people shouldn't have children until they are in their 30s. But don't worry - things do get better.

  • 9 years ago

    It's not you, it's hormones. It is not uncommon for Post-Partem depression to be affecting you now. talk to your docotr about this, you don't have to feel this way.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    How old are you ?

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