L i l i* asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

What do you think of my poem? Please, I need some constructive criticism?

I need some criticism on this poem, the harsher the better.

Thank you.

Title: Each night.

Date: 6/16/2011

Each night,

Before I close my eyes,

Moon surrounded by tiny shining star jewels,

And hair still misty and aroma still sugary,

Something, like grandma’s blanket,

Warms me up inside;

I get afraid but never shrug it off

And swirl up calmly and place my head

In this soft, feather pillow,

Like a crying child

Who has lost her imaginary friend.

And I just lay here,

Holding on to those dreams

That makes me feel sheltered,

Like your hand.

This is how it has always been,

Each night,

Inside my head and in my heart,

Listening to your own voice

Like the breeze of the trees,

Until the morning time arrives

To see you,

To see the start again.

5 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Best Answer

    This is a wonderful poem, I love it! Though, in this line, "swirl up calmly and place my head" did you mean to say "curl up calmly and place my head"? That's the only thing I could find to "critique" because it's really very good. Sorry! :)

  • 3 years ago

    it is a superb topic however the metaphor of flame as love--- problematic to make it clean and alive. The metaphors pile up and get inconsistent and at a loss for words. "what's longing made out of that it would not positioned on out with use?" it somewhat is the beginning up of a poem approximately longing. Play alongside with your topic. Ask it questions or ask questions approximately it. what's love made out of? what's hearth made out of? think of how mysterious it appeared as a infant. look into it afresh. Make a small bonfire and fairly attempt to work out and hear and journey it, the approach. word the meanderings of your strategies. this could deliver approximately a clean way of expressing your topic in a fashion others can no longer. Can a hearth burn with out ingesting all? What can it leave in the back of?

  • 9 years ago

    Wow! That was amazing! I could find almost nothing wrong with it! the only thing i would say is look at line 6 and instead of saying "I get afraid", say "I become afraid" or "i am afraid". Other than that it was really good! GREAT JOB!!!!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Personally I see nothing wrong with this precious work of art. I can't find anything wrong with it. To find a flaw in these lines of poetry would be too much to ask. Well done :)

    Source(s): me
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    MY GOD.

    That is amazing! I love your poem!

    there should be no critics at all!

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.