Please comment on my written short story. Is it good?
Here it is:
Bella was my next door neighbour for three years, until the incident occurred last year, on the night of Sunday the 13th of October 1997; a formidable event that changed my life forever.
To me Bella was more than a friend, but to Bella, it seemed that I was a mere acquaintance. She felt that I had no reason to be in her life; that I had no purpose. She made that clear, and that is why I did it. I trust that I had no choice in the matter; I have to, in order to keep that last bit of sanity that I have, but now, it seems everything is turning against me. What I did to Bella was unforgivable. I crossed the threshold. For the past year I have been living in guilt. Unimaginable guilt. Guilt which I need to get rid of, but there is only one way, and there is no going back. I’ve been having nightmares about Bella ever since I… ever since she left me. I can’t live with this anymore, it has to stop.
September 1993. My family and I had just moved into Wyoming. My father enjoyed travelling around the country; California, New Jersey, Arkansas, Pennsylvania…. He loved it. I hated it. I hated it among many other things. I believe I was one of those few children who were actually capable of hate. That is, until Bella moved in next door, and changed me. When I first saw her my eyes couldn’t stop staring at her resplendent face, her flaxen hair, her fascinating figure. She was the only person who I felt had power over me. Her beauty controlled me.
My mother was murdered in 1978, a year after my birth. What happened to her was unclear to me. My father said she was shot dead, but the San Francisco Chronicle claimed that she was kidnapped and drowned by a serial killer, a psychopath. I didn’t know what to believe. I didn’t trust my father; I didn’t trust anybody. Perhaps if I knew my mother I would have turned out a different person; maybe then I wouldn’t have committed such unforgivable acts. In New Jersey I had a school fight at the mere age of eight. I punched another boy in the eye. He became partially blind yet I did not feel a bit of remorse. That’s when my father knew that something was wrong with me. He thought my emotions were suppressed because of my mother’s death. Little did my father know; I’ve done much worse things than taking away somebody’s sight. Much, much worse.
Settling into Wyoming was one of the most difficult times of my life. As I walked down the street people kept staring at me. It was obvious that I wasn’t mentally “right”. My father said I “looked like a wild beast”-“something out of the woods”. That upset me. Made me angry.
October 1994. Despite being neighbours, Bella and I hardly spoke to each other. I didn’t go anywhere near her in fear of hurting her. In fact I didn’t go near anyone. People saw me as a dangerous psychotic sociopath; except Bella, or so I thought. She always smiled at me from her bedroom window. In fact I recall hearing her calling my name one night; “Damon! Damon!” – Though I wasn’t sure if that was real. My mind is in a state where I can’t tell if anything is real.
Good good I need constructive feedback like that, keep it coming!