One huge issue came to my mind while reading this. But before I say that, I want to say that you really should seek out legal counsel from a licensed attorney in your state immediately. There are a number of reasons for this, ranging from learning how to best safeguard yourself and your interests should a divorce happen, strategy to what you should and should not do.
So here is the big issue. Snooping may have great costs associsted with it. Legally, they include criminal charges and civil liability. Not only could you run afoul of the FWA and the SCA, you could violate state counterparts. You could also commit torts (wrongs against persons) for invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress, stalking, defamation, and a host of other wrongs.
I suggest that you don't jeopardize your status with your wife or your position should you divorce merely for the sake of obtaining information about your wife that neither your attorney nor the judge will likely want to hear/use anyhow? Remember that all states are now no-fault states which means that evidence of adultery is not what the courts want to hear in most cases.
Strategically, you lose considerable credibility in your case if you stoop so low as to snoop. While compromising photographs posted on Facebook, revealing instant messages about your children, e-mails confirming your spouse’s secret stash of money, etc., do have their place in court, the everyday chatter with a new lover, the occasional trip to the mall, the mundane e-mail that you think has a secret message, and the other things clients typically bring to their lawyers, do not.
They may shed light on the breakdown in your marriage. They may prove that your spouse really is cheating on you. But unless they are relevant to child custody or (in some states) spousal support and property division, they are unhelpful. You will only annoy the judge, waste your limited court time (and your money) and look like the crazy spouse with the suspicious mind – or, worse yet, the unfriendly, overbearing, untrustworthy, sneaky spouse who most certainly will not raise friendly, loving, trusting children who respect their mother.
In other words, you jeopardize your chance of obtaining a favorable case outcome.
If, after considering the costs and the benefits, you do intend to snoop, be sure to discuss your plans thoroughly with your lawyer in your state.
Not all snooping is bad, and some could be profitable in court. But the costs of going-it-alone without appropriate legal advice could be greater.
I have attached three articles from DadsDivorce.com, a free resource for men facing divorce, that discuss in much more depth the complexities of what I have just described above. Please be careful with what you say to your wife and what your next move is as these things could be used against you in court.