Heather asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

I wrote this peom..any feedback?

I wrote this peom..

is it good?


can be happy

can be sad

sometimes you want it

sometimes you don't

sometimes you love some one who doesn't

love you back

7 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi. I love your poem , you wrote it from your heart, i respect that, your poem is simple, natural, clear , and yet powerful , and easy to understand . I like your topic about love. Keep it up.

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  • 9 years ago

    Your poem does make sense on what you said throughout the whole thing-

    The thing is you can tell you are a young teenager who wrote the poem.

    The good thing to know and good thing about being a writer is digging deep

    Into your heart. I know and I can feel that you could have done so much better

    With this piece you wrote here. It seems like you just sat down and wrote it within

    Matter of seconds. Now, this time sit down with no noise whatsoever- clear your mind

    Dig deep into your heart- now write down everything that comes to your mind

    Let the words flow and then you will have the most heart touching poem EVER

    Source(s): True love is something so very true- not everyone will be that lucky to share such a thing but when you do and you find someone you love so dearly. Make sure you hang to them as if they were something for very precious because you will not ever find another true love. It is one chance in a lifetime. Hold it close as if it is something you treasure... ....♥.... Shrink Nettie Age- 31 Years Old Married 17 ½ years
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  • 9 years ago

    It is worth reading you might hear or read poems so detailed so magical but also so fake but this is real it comes from the heart and enters the soul and exits out the mind ,once again ready to be told

    great poem this poem speaks to me cuz im going through the same problem sometimes you just have to learn to recycle the happy and throw away the sad

    hope this is the kind of answer your looking for

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    i dont think u meant to do this intentionally (and if u did, props, and if u didnt, even more amazing props) but u connect the 3rd line and last line by a little kind of rhyme with the "a" sound, which makes the whole poem flow together. i love it<33

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  • 3 years ago

    THEIR eyes met around the room and THEIR perception MELTED right into a MOLTEN, swirling puddle of incomprhension. (Repetitiveness, and Melted and molten are synonyms). colorations mixed together and the own, maximum virbant purple---with intensities resmbling the organic, deep blush of existence in one's cheeks---switched over right into a easy, icy blue refracted from the blackest corners of the room. (Sentence shape) An intimate, passionate longing exceeded between them, barreling interior the path of the merging passerby like melted butter. (How does melted butter barrel by using somebody - in line with risk part of the metaphor is lacking, and additionally, attempt to dodge adjectives as much as a threat - it distracts from the action) Their hands tingled with the unhappy yearning to gently brush the different's cheek or gently caress their hair. hundreds of thoughts of gentle kisses, of dozing together in innocence and not something extra, inspired upon their minds and crushed their senses, evaporating the present actuality that threatened to invade. Locked in a reverie of days previous and candy targets yet to return, the ever judgemental public eye dwindled into nonexistence. Etiquette meant no longer something to them now. ok - my opinion is you need to circulate returned and X out quite a few the adjectives. the two enable this is "An intimate longing...." or "A passionate longing..." The sentence shape is complicated additionally. good success on your rewrites.

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  • 9 years ago

    let me guess... if you are just a toothy in the realm of poetry, it is not bad at all...

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  • 9 years ago

    i think it is very obvious

    if u know what i mean

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