Why does my dad hate me for being gay (long story)?
I want to believe that God still loves me no matter what but with a dad like mine it is hard to believe. I guess I was expecting a lot from the man who used to make me get naked as a kid just so he could beat the crap out of me with the belt until my body was red all over. I have post traumatic stress disorder so I barely sleep. 5 out of 7 nights of the week I do not sleep. My mom and little sis both know I'm gay and they are ok with it and mom even said she was proud of me. She told my dad that if he did not accept me as his gay son she would leave him so he accepted. I want my dad to accept me because he wants to not because someone made him. But now he ever since yesterday he has been hurting my feelings. I got no sleep last night. I was up so anxious to know some answers and was crying and crying because I feel that no one likes me for who I am. When I was in high school all my friends got up and left me because they said they did not want to be friends with a gay guy. I remember that day all to well when they got up all 5 of them and moved to a different table. I barely have friends except for the people here on yahoo that I meet and my one guy friend who lives in my town.
I am 22 years old now and a college student. My town is homophobic and I see no gays here and if there are any gay singles they are hiding. There are no LGBT centers here and no gay clubs either. Money is a problem because I can't drop out of school and I have tuition and rent to pay so moving is not an option now. I am so sad and depressed I just feel like ending the pain once and for all. This morning I went to work out at the gym and when I came out all I wanted to do was to run my car into the nearest building hoping it killed me. I kept thinking of suicide all last night saying if I was not good enough for my dad I was not good enough for anyone. My mom said she would have another talk with him but I doubt he will listen. He knows she will not leave him. These are empty words she says to fool him.
What should I do? All I want is to be loved by someone and I do not have that. Am I such a bad person that I am going burn in hell like everyone tells me? Does God hate me for being gay? I am proud to be gay but with my life it is so bad I just want to end it and like now.