Discovered my married friend on Plenty of Fish...awkward!?

I really like this guy, I've worked with him on an occasional basis for about 2 yrs, and I've always thought of him as just a really good guy, like the kind of guy who makes me believe there are still nice guys out there. I always have really nice long conversations with him, he's a great listener, and he also shares very personal stories about his own life and his family. He got married last year, and I remember in the months leading upto his wedding, he was so excited (like in the way you normally only see from the bride), he was really into all the planning, he talked so lovingly about his bride. I have him on facebook, and he has all his wedding and vacation photos of the 2 of them looking so happy.

Last night I worked with him (actually hadn't worked with him in quite awhile, so I was excited to see him). We had a nice talk about marriage and kids (he said they are starting to think about having kids, and I'm a single mom). He brought me treats from the coffee shop. I have to admit, I kinda have a little crush on him, but never thought to act on that, as he seemed so happily in love.

Anyways, after he had left for the night, I went to use our computer (we have 1 for all staff to use), and when I wiggled the mouse, it opened to his email inbox. He had forgotten to sign out. My eye went straight to an email from Plenty of Fish, I opened it and it was a message thanking him for signing up that day. I'm very confused by this, there's a little part of me that's excited by this, but I'm also kinda angry and disappointed. But mostly I'm confused, I mean he used his real full name as his username, what kinda married guy looking to cheat does that?! but then he lists his marital status as "living together" and says he's looking for "talk/e-mail". Should I say something to him? and what should I say? it's really awkward to know this and keep it a secret.


Plenty of Fish is an online dating website... in case any of you didn't know

9 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    His engaging with you = going online easily discovered (no accident he left his inbox open).

    He's not real serious but what he's doing is. Here's why you should stop the friend thing. A good guy friend wouldn't have written this. He would have called him right away. Said "Are you crazy, man? What are you even thinking of? Stop that **** right now. You got a big family depending on what you do."

    Your hesitation is your crush talking. Really. Be the friend you should have been. Tell him to stop that ****. Loudly. Then back off. It's too darn tempting to you.

  • Si Si.
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    Dear opened this man`s e.mail?Anyway,the best thing is to stay out of his business.Ask yourself what is your reason for "saying something to him" regarding the e.mail from dating site.You are obviously very interested in him,and it would seem would like to have some kind of relationship with him yourself. It may be that he uses his real name and only lists talking etc. because he wants to tell himself that he is doing nothing wrong{in case he gets caught} many married men start off this telling themselves they are doing nothing wrong...but if he really only wanted to talk ..and e.mail someone why does he then choose a dating site to do it??He sounds like the type of man who unrealistically romanticises and married life...and when the true reality of life hits him..he can`t handle that.he would be that way with you too. Firstly,do remember if he was to "cheat"on his wife ,either with you or anyone else that makes him a very bad bet for a relationship..he is then a deceiver within is marriage and do you think for one moment he would be any different with anyone else?Do you want to be the kind of person who {knowingly} instigates sex with a married man?It would most likely end in disaster for you you know.You are the one who would be left hurt and alone {again}You are a single mother who is lonely..and that makes you vulnerable. Do focus on other things in your life. take up something new..find more self worth in taking up a new challenge....

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    There are all types of marriages - some that are working some not and more than a few -although many would never admit to it - that are marriages for kids or partnerships in a home but not exclusive sexually

    If he just signed up it may be a sign of unhappiness in his marriage

    If could mean many things but asa general rule you are better off leaving things alone

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    trust me i know what plenty of fish is, my husband cheated by finding a whore on that site, the first day they met they were in bed.

    so now you see this guy cheats, thats why i never fall for it when i see pictures of couples saying how happy they are and how excited they are about the wedding, especially men.

    there's very few men who won't cheat.

    yes i would mention it to him, there shouldn't be ''any little part of you that's excited by this''.

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  • Rocky
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    yes I'm a member too, and many men after e-mailing admit they are married and talk to other women about the arguments not wanting to make the same mistakes twice, like women they are worried they are being used, when step children are involved they ask for advice on it.

    Never would I meet these gus but I understand that they can't ask any females for that point of view (female) so on line is animus, and using his real name someone that would think it's an excuse for not meeting can check.

    Yes it's deceptive but half the men just want to understand their wife's better and a female friend would cause her to be jealous, and family problems.

  • 10 years ago

    maybe its like the movie "I Love You Man" and hes there to try to find more friends...idk. i would bring it up but in kinda a side conversation like "i joined this website called Plenty of Fish, have you ever heard of it?" or something like that...

  • 10 years ago

    I wouldn't say a word. Act like you never saw it. Leave it alone.

  • 10 years ago

    well I can understand that and I would just keep it to your self because if you talk to him about it work will be more awkward for you and him.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    no , don't say anything to him, let his wife find out or tell her

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