Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdolescent · 9 years ago

Serious answers only please (Kinda long, but I really need help)?

Ok, first of all, I'm asking this question for help. Keep your f*cking sympathy to yourself, I don't want it. I'll start off in January 2010.

In January 2010 I attempted suicide by overdosing. I didn't succeed and became a cutter/burner. In May 2010 my parents found out about all this, and sent me off to a treatment facility. While I was there, I was molested and so were several of my peers. My parents still kept me in there once they found out that I'd been sexually abused. Anyways, August 9th 2010 I come out of treatment.

I then begin to get hallucinations of a red eyed shillouete man with a knife in his hands. He begins to talk to me and I begin to talk back. His name was Ben. Ben and me became pretty good friends, until the end. In late september-early october he began to hurt me (aka I was hurting myself without realizing it) To cut a long story short, in the end I burned away my upper-torso because of a gas fire.

After the fire, Ben went away. My parents sent me off to a pysch ward after my 3 weeks of hospilization for the burns. At the pysch ward they decide I need more treatment. Now, keep in mind that Ben was the only thing that was a danger to me, and now he was gone. But they still thought I needed treatment. They gave my parents the choice of having me do treatment or taking me home, and my parents decide to take me to treatment.

Well, they sent me off to the state mental hospital, and I was deeply affected by this. I felt like from the time after the fire to now that I was completely sane again. But I was stuck in a house of crazies. (And when I mean CRAZY i mean CRAZY) while I was there one of my peers attempted suicide, and it deeply affected me. Not because I had ties to the kid but just because of the concept of it all. I begged my parents to take me out, but they wouldn't. Finally though, on my birthday (March 23rd) the hospital delcared me "sane" enough to leave.

Since then, I've been self-harming again. I keep having flashbacks of everything that's happened. I feel suicidal (I'm not planning on attempting it though, I don't want to risk going back to the hell called treatment) and wish I would just die. Most of my friends don't talk to me anymore, and I really don't have anyone I can really talk to. I go to therapy, but it's not really working out cause I just pretend to be happy. Me and my parents don't get along, and I just feel like sh*t all the time.

I don't know why I typed all this, because there's not much advice you can really give me. I just needed to vent so........sorry about that. Thanks for reading though. Have a good night.

Update:

Oh and starring would be most appreciated.

12 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hey man, I feel you. (Not intended as sympathy) I just have some similar experiences and I want you to know you are not alone. Many people have gone through these kind of things. There are a lot of people who hallucinate (I do as well). I know you feel the need to vent to Y!A because in real life, no one wants to listen and if they do listen, they think "What the hell did I just get myself into with this person?" I go through the same **** :/

    Sometimes, suicide seems like a pretty damn good idea, but one thing that strays me from attempting again, and maybe it will help you too, is this one saying my therapist would tell me. The quote is "This too shall pass." I have never gone into soooo much depth about one little quote. But it made me realize that even though I feel like committing suicide, that feeling will not be with me forever. It will pass. I will feel better. You will feel better.

    I recommend getting a psychologist, being open to any treatment, medication, therapy. And hospitals are just the most horrible places to be, especially for that long. Try to do anything to stay away from them unless you feel another suicide attempt coming on.

    Feel free to email me

  • 9 years ago

    First off, your hallucinations may be diagnosed as a form of schizophrenia. It may even be multiple personality disorder; though that is very rare. You may want to tell your therapist about Ben and talk to a doctor. Second, suicide is never the answer, so it's good that you're not attempting that again. From your time-line, you have been self-harming for over a year, so it's not going to go away like that, especially if treatment was traumatic (the molestation), and ineffective. Gradually, though, try to stop self-harming. Don't pretend to be happy to please your therapist and your parents. Pretending to feel something won't eventually make you feel it, it'll just be a ruse, and you won't get the help you need, cuz sweetie, you do need help. I'm sorry, but what your parents did was not right. They should have reported the molestation incident and removed you from that treatment facility IMMEDIATELY. They might just be scared about losing you, but what they did was even more harmful to you. I suggest you talk to your therapist about the self-harming, so you can figure out a reason for doing it. Because if I sit here and start spouting off a bunch of reasons like self-loathing and poor self-esteem, then that's not going to do sh*t cuz I'm not a mental health professional. I do hope you get the help you need and flashbacks are to be expected after such trauma. Talk to someone. If not your therapist, then a trusted adult. Try to find a friend outside the treatment facility, even though I know how extremely difficult that can be.

  • 9 years ago

    Well, either your parents are total jerks, or they didn't believe you were being sexually abused. Also, sometimes it takes a while to find the right therapist who helps. And never pretend to be happy, or you'll never get real help. I know it seems like it's rough now, but I find it helps to think of people who are worse off than me, like people dying in the hospital would would love to run in the park one last time, people who are not dying but are paralyzed and can't run at all, stuff like that. Isn't there another adult you can go to for help? I think your meds may need adjusting (if you take them) or you need to be on them. Lots of people with your issues find the right meds and cannot believe how much it helps. Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    u know what everybody has their reasons for doing thing they do if you still feel that way then get away from those that dont help. your so called friends dont need them if they are not their not worth it find others do do care and dont put you as a freak of a lunatic u ever want to talk just email me because is bull sht what happens to people and then they are the out cast and open up just how you did in hear open up in ur sessions take a copy of this if you want no point of talking yet show them. anelg15@yahoo.com any time u feel like talking or even joking email me i dont mind

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  • 9 years ago

    sometimes when i pretend to be happy...i get so into pretending or i get so distracted in my act, that i actually end up feeling a bit of real happiness.

    this is a weird concept to think about, but weird is my specialty:

    i'm sitting here at my computer typing to you right? picture me sitting here...you are sitting in front of your computer or laptop or itouch whatev reading this. think of all the possible differences between us. you wouldn't know what i look like or where i come from or all the people i've met in my life and things i've thought about. there is SO MUCH variety in the world. there are better things than you know...whether you chose to believe that or not.

    and i just wanted to say that i can't pin point when, but when i felt really happy before, i told myself (mental note) to remember later that happiness is possible. right now i don't feel like its possible and i don't remember what it felt like.

    but i know that i felt it once so i will wait until i find it again.

    have lovely day and lovely days long after~

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Suicide is never the answer. To get visions out of my head I usually think about the better things in life. I don't have many friends either. And Ben. Does he look familiar from any where? Like school or anywhere. If you do have these visions and you want to kill yourself, you need help. So go to therapy.

    Source(s): Me :D
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    How old are you?

    I would reccomend that you get away from your parents and go and see a psychiatrist or a psychologist just to talk to.

    I'm not sure what else to tell you. I hope you feel better soon. I have 'severe' depression, which isn't so bad, but I sort of understand.

  • 9 years ago

    Wow thats deep, uhm.. If your old enough to leave home I would deeply suggest that. maybe something happened when you were younger that could of triggered this all?? Why did you OD in the first place? I have no idea what to say. Thats ****** up though

  • 9 years ago

    first off your symptoms of hallucination is a form of schizophrenia! your suicidal thought attempt may be due to depression. you probably have depressive mood disorder. by pretending to be happy in therapy is not going to help because your not showing your real symptoms.therefore you not gonna receive the help u actually need. do your doctors know that your suicidal? because you can acually receive meds for your suicidal thoughts without being in a inpatient therapy.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    My name is Candy and im 17 years old i live in houston tx..

    Im sorry of what happened to you.. but like others say.. " trying to kill yourself is never the answer" sometimes i use to think of killing myself with a overdosing of any kind of medicine because i had lil problems but for me they were BIG. well to make it shorter i just wanna say that having faith to God is the best thing u can do. i dont want to sound sooo RELIGIOUS because im not.. well my e-mail is gomezabigail60@yahoo.com in case u wanna talk.. =) take care

    Source(s): yahoo
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