My boyfriend wont tell his parents about me, what do I do?
So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over 2 months now. We are both seniors, he is 17 (his b-day is in summer) and i am 19 (i started school late). He is the sweetest guy ever and we are perfect for each other. We have the same religious views and relationship ideas.
The only problem is his parents. They told him he cant date b/c he is going into the service this summer and they don't want anything to distract him. But against their wishes we are dating. He always has to tell them where he's going and who hes gonna be with which makes things complicated. And on top of that he has several younger sibling so when ever his parents leave the house he has to stay to watch them, and they leave the house a lot. So i never really get to see him.
I see him everyday for school but we have no classes together so its in passing and i see him Thursdays for church but thats only for 2 hours. And we sometimes see each other on the weekends if he can come up with a good lie to get out of the house. His parents know that he sometimes hangs out with me but he always says there are other ppl there too which is not ever true.
At first it was fine but now its really starting to upset me a lot b/c i get stood up a lot and i feel like I'm being pushed to the back burner. I'm always the one to ask him to hang out and when we set a time and day he always pushes the plans back a day cause of his parents and/or family. And i always tell my parents what my plans are when i make plans with someone so they see me getting stood up constantly which doesn't sit well with them. And they don't know that I'm a secret from his parents either.
He even stood me up for prom.. It was just going to be me and him going and he told me the Thursday before Prom weekend in the morning before school that he wasn't able to go b/c he didn't tell his parents about it sooner than that Wednesday. So i got to find another group within a day.
He's taken me on a total of 2 evening dates and one day date. And hes been over to my house only 4 times since we started dating. I still haven't met his parents or family or even been to his house. I feel like I'm doing all the work. I decided to not ask him to hang out this weekend to see if he would make plans with me. He didn't ask me to hang out till today (Sunday at 3 o'clock) and even then he was like "Im going to a movie with my dad, do you want to meet somewhere after? I want to see you, i miss you." I would really have rather him asked me to a movie (preferably dinner then a movie) And! They are going to go see a movie that i've been wanting to see for a while now... This is the 3rd weekend in a row that i havent see him.
Another thing is that he doesnt have a job and he cant ask his parents for money cause why would he need to pay for someone who's not his girlfriend right? I cant help but to lose a little bit of respect for him every time he stands me up b/c of this parent or says we can't do something b/c he has no money. I feel like i want to break up with him b/c of all this but when I'm with him I'm happy. I really like him.
I want(ed) to wait for him when he goes off to the navy but how am i supposed to wait for someone who gonna come home every few months for 2 or 3 weeks and i might see them once or twice? And i dont want to break his heart cause he really really likes me, i can tell. It just extremely upsets me. I feel like im not worth it for him to tell his parents or take me on dates. I understand if you have stuff to do like work or hw or something but a lot of the time he doesnt do much but watch his siblings. What do i do?
(sorry for writing so much i just wanted to get every detail in there so i can get the best possible answer)
- 9 years agoFavorite Answer
go on fun outdoor dates, that dont involve money.
that way you guys can have fun and hang out and talk. for example, me and my girl (even tho we DO make money and CAN spend it on each other), even with that, we still often go on fun dates that are either completely free, or very very cheap. and cheap in the GOOD sense of "there are some amazing things money cant buy", not in the "im a cheap bas*trd sense" hahaha.
examples: go cliffdiving up at this place called "great falls", where we: hike for about 30 minutes to get to this spot where theres a tiny waterfall we can slide down, and theres a little lagoon/cave where we can sip brew (yea we drink sometimes) and theres even cup holders carved into the rocks, and sometimes we have sex in this hiding spot there if nobodys there. then after relaxing and sliding down the waterfall and swimming around and having fun, we hike another 20 minutes up to the "falls"- where we jump off 15- to 40- foot cliffs (they actually go up to 100, but were not that crazy). also, sometimes when we go do this (or other dates) we'll bring a blanket and some food, and well relax and have a picnic some point thru when were feeling hungry.
its really tight and trust me, paying for a nice wine and dine dinner- even a dinner at a fancy as*s restaurant with amazing food- cant compare to that, and idc HOW prissy or spoiled or inside-girl you are, if you get out and try that you will have the time of your life and slap yourself for all the wasted years.
anyway, theres a million things like that me and her do. try experiencing life.
and if you do outdoor stuff, best part? He can use the excuse "im going running in different spots lately, to get my cardio/endurance/in shape for the military service, and if you dont let me go out, im not going to pass advanced on my PT tests and i wont get paid extra and i wont do as well and i may even get shot and die".
They are OBLIGATED to let this dude go out and run, since he will be fighting and dying very likely very soon. You feel me?
You kids need to use your heads. If this n*gga cant even think of something this simple yet clever, with weeks and months to dwell on it? hes either simply not that smart, or hes cheating on you, or he simply doesnt like hanging around you as much and as often as you like hanging around him. sorry bud. good luck with those dates tho anyway =)
- SherryLv 44 years ago
If you dont want him to find out then send an anonymous letter to them or something like that. If you want to tell them yourself which is what i recommend, then you could do it a cute way like making up an album of your pregnancy. Like if u took pregnancy pictures every month then include them and they will get the idea. I believe you should tell them because its not fair they werent apart of the pregnancy. They may feel like they were left out so you have to be prepared for them to be caught off guard and upset for not knowing at the same time. Your bf should not be ashamed of his baby. After all he made the baby. I would really tell his parents. What are they gonna say if they see you out one day with a baby and you tell them its yours? They would be very angry that they didnt know their grandchild! Good luck and I hope you make the right choice!