Awww, the first sentence totally drew me in... Knowing you (and only because of what I've seen from you), awesome stuff is going to happen later ;D What a melancholy start. I want to read more!
Super-focused editing time!:
It was the sun that caused(made?) her to miss her boyfriend. The warmth she felt on the back of her neck compared to his lips on her cheek (I don't hate this sentence as such, but I think you could write it with more 'oomph'. 'The warmth she felt of its rays against the back of her neck was nothing compared to his tender lips against her cheek'). Even though she lay (was lying? had lain down? Not sure...somehow 'lay' just doesn't sound right) on her back in a sea of grass it still wasn’t the same (Not...very sure...of how a sea of grass helps...- love the imagery of a 'sea' of grass though). Her legs itched but it wasn't the same itch that she had felt when "they" would lay on "their" sea of grass and gaze up at the clouds(oh, it sort of makes sense now - ignore the previous comment). The bus honked a couple of times. She opened her eyes and stood. (Is the bus meant to startle her out of her thoughts? Or break the silence? I don't know ;D Just thinking out loud) Strands of auburn (ooh pretty) hair whipped across her face and she nearly lost her balance (But how, and why? Did she lose her balance just from hair whipping across her face? Sounding a bit fragile, poor girl). As she spat hair out of her mouth she watched as Gracie walked(if you're going for the 'as simple as possible approach' don't worry bout it, but you could always use something other than walked ;D Flounced? Bounded? Strode with purpose?) towards the bus. Gracie (Here! Here is your chance to describe Gracie instead of using her name! 'The blonde turned and returned her gaze with an unfriendly stare...' something like that) turned around and returned her stare but it wasn’t a friendly stare. Gracie (She, instead of Gracie here?) flipped her hair and curled her fingers into a fist behind her back (you could even describe what her back looks like...). Her middle finger straightened from her fist (well if it's your intention to make us dislike her from our first impression of her/or want to know what makes her hate our girl so much, you've succeeded ;) ) and she disappeared up the stairs. Well, she thought to herself, at least she acknowledged me. (I know that people are going to give you an 'o_o' expression at this. How do you differentiate thought from normal prose? Do you put the thoughts in italics? Do you put it between quotation marks?) Somehow, she knew that she would have more problems to worry about during summer camp than a broken heart. (This sentence would look great in a new paragraph ;D)
No idea why Gracie is mad at her D: ...am I slow?
Happy writing~ I'm a description junkie, so this may be a biased view but...YOU SHOULD ADD MORE DESCRIPTION~ <3 The overall tone is quite nice, I felt calm while reading (not that it didn't pique my interest)
Edit: (I've made about 4 edits already but anywho...) Gosh, I keep thinking back to this and turning it into a gory violent story. Like all the jealousy and bitterness building up between the two (and maybe even others) will grow into this massive blood-fest (or some other kind of disturbing business)...
I don't trust innocent looking scenes anymore, after watching some pretty disturbing animes...
'Are you pregnant? You slept with him didn't you? You slut!' She beat at the limp girl with her fists, vengeance glowing in her already mad eyes.
There was no answer. She was already unconscious, her purple face beaten into a swollen mess with barely recognizable features, her limbs splayed around her at unnatural angles.
She shrieked in rage when there was no response, 'I...I'll find out for myself then!' A long curved knife was pulled out from its bloody sheath. 'I'll cut you open and find out!' Her words were nothing but mad raving, but in her bitterness, the idea seemed to be an apt one. She plunged the knife i-
I'm thinking too much, aren't I? :|