B&A: What do you think of this introduction to my novel?:) Thanks for reading guys<3?

It was the sun that caused her to miss her boyfriend. The warmth she felt on the back of her neck compared to his lips on her cheek. Even though she lay on her back in a sea of grass it still wasn’t the same. Her legs itched but it wasn’t the same itch that she had felt when "they" would lay on... show more It was the sun that caused her to miss her boyfriend. The warmth she felt on the back of her neck compared to his lips on her cheek. Even though she lay on her back in a sea of grass it still wasn’t the same. Her legs itched but it wasn’t the same itch that she had felt when "they" would lay on "their" sea of grass and gaze up at the clouds. The bus honked a couple of times. She opened her eyes and stood. Strands of auburn hair whipped across her face and she nearly lost her balance. As she spat hair out of her mouth she watched as Gracie walked towards the bus. Gracie turned around and returned her stare but it wasn’t a friendly stare. Gracie flipped her hair and curled her fingers into a fist behind her back. Her middle finger straightened from her fist and she disappeared up the stairs. Well, she thought to herself, at least she acknowledged me. Somehow, she knew that she would have more problems to worry about during summer camp than a broken heart.


Just about a girl who goes to summer camp:) I bet you can guess why Gracie is mad at her and who the person is that she's day dreaming about.

Anyway, tell me what you think. There is always room for improvement of course but this is what I have so far:)

Thanks for reading<3
Update: Paul- Thanks!!!:) And for your advice also:) Silly Turtle- aha yeah I see what you mean:) but I hope that a reader would forgive me for the first two sentences if they didn't like them. I would only have one paragraph to draw them in so I am still polishing this. After that everything else I write afterward I'll... show more Paul- Thanks!!!:) And for your advice also:)

Silly Turtle- aha yeah I see what you mean:) but I hope that a reader would forgive me for the first two sentences if they didn't like them. I would only have one paragraph to draw them in so I am still polishing this. After that everything else I write afterward I'll edit after the novel is done. Thanks for your comment nonetheless:)<333
Update 2: thanks for your suggestions but adverbs are like weeds in a garden.......>.> lol:)

Update 3: you are right about the punctuation though. But I was kind of scribbling this out. I'll go revise and make the necessary corrections. Once again thanks!:)
Update 4: IRKEN- yeah I KNOW. Lol like I think that is where "structure" comes in. I need to figure out a way that will prevent that from happening. Cause her name being repeated several times annoyed me too. Meh, I'll figure it out. Thanks so much for your help and comment:)
Update 5: Chae- Damn lol you sure wrote a lot:) thanks for your critique:) i rewrote the entire thing, and am almost done with my first chapter:)
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