My husbands not in love with me anymore :( he says he'll stay but thinks it best we split. Do I go or fight?

My husband and I have been arguing since day one and we honestly don't know how we ended up married. We lives in separate states hardly knew each other and I already had 3 kids he was very young. We've been fighting since and worse and worse each time. I just had his first child his son and he's my only boy and I feel like he needs his father. It hurts to even think about him not seeing his son for 3 years (were stationed in japan so I'd have to leave if we divorce) he says he loves me and cares about me so he will stay but says he doesn't really think we should stay together and also says he's not in love anymore :( and that he just doesn't feel a connection anymore and he walks around like I'm not here. Just last week we split for a week and when we got back together he was all over me saying he felt a connection and like he was in love then we fought again and now he says there's nothing left. I'm so hurt and feel so alone. I don't believe in divorce and my mom says to pray and God will save my marriage. What are your opinions? Help please :(

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  • 9 years ago
    Best Answer

    Nobody ever likes my opinions on marriage...why, well because they are biblical and what i base my marriage on. Do I think you need to feel miserable the rest of your life? No. However, you chose this man to marry and while you can't remember why right now, there was a reason. He chose you and while he can't remember why right now there is a reason. You have to realize that every marriage faces tough times, and love is a not a feeling, it is a decision. The problem is we listen to romantic movies, pop songs and such and thing, oh i need to feel in love with them, I need to want them, they need to want me. It isn't true. Most marriage start off with 2 people crazy about each other, but they don't stay that way. Sometimes things get hard, sometimes work demand alot, kids don't always help marriage it gets tough, but God didn't make marriage to be a seasonal thing, when the wind changes it doesn't mean you can move on. I heard a great marriage speech one time in where the man asked, if there was nobody else would you get a divorce? Re-marriage is wrong according to the bible, so one of the best things you can do is realize if this is it, then this is it forever. It really puts things into perspective. Have you all tried counseling. Many problems needs outside help, it's stuff you cannot fix by yourself. Your mother is wise, prayer is a very strong tool, but you also have to be proactive in fixing what is broken. You may need to send the kids with mom for a week and hit up a marriage seminar with the hubby. Just try and remember LOVE is a decision, people stay married for 50 plus years because they choose to, not because they feel like it. The good news is eventually you get over the rough spots and you find the feeling again. It can work, if your willing to work on it. See why most people don't like my philosophy of marriage. Because most people thing marriages aren't made to last and I disagree.

    Source(s): Laugh your way to a better marriage-http://www.laughyourway.com/ Book Gary Smalley- Love is a Decision Book Gray D. Chapman- The 5 love languages
  • 9 years ago

    God is not going to save your marriage. Sounds like you have a great plan there a guy tells you he doesnt love you. And you think you should stay. Youre like all these other women who go after military men and marry them in seconds and then wonder, Huh why doesnt it work? cause you two are not compatible, so either get a divorce or bang other people. If there is a god, trust me theres more important **** going on then two people who rushed into marriage and have been fighting ever since they did. Maybe next time use common sense and not your greedy selfish ways

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    God won't answer your prayers. It's all in your hands.That's why we have brains so we can make decisions on what to do with our life's problems.You can sit back and pray.But nothing will happen.Figure out why you are arguing and stop doing it.My husband and I argued for a long time in the first years of our marriage them I realized why .So I stopped being annoyed by those things he did to make me so angry and now we get along much better.No one never argues with someone they deal with on a daily basis.Ask him if he is willing to go to counseling.I am sure whatever branch of service he is in has people you two could talk to.

    Source(s): Been married 23 years.The first 15 were the hardest.That's how long it took to work it out.But you both must be willing to do so.
  • 9 years ago

    Wow, some of y'all are harsh! Sorry but this does sound like a typical military marriage (saying "I DO" without knowing each other first). There's no point in being with a man who don't want to be with you. If you love him, let him go and maintain a civil and friendly relationship for your son's sake. If you make him stay you'll regret it later, you can't force someone to be with you and if they're unhappy just let em go.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Any kind of relationship that is like a roller coaster wil never be happy. Some people stay together for the sake of children, but then find ways to stray in order to make the situation bearable. I think ultimately the two of you would be better off apart.

  • 9 years ago

    Things said during conflict can destroy even the best of relationships. It can bring upon resentment and anger and make one feel not in love anymore. The love is still there, he is just not feeling it anymore. You both need to see what it is that makes you both argue all of the time. Sometimes the reasons behind disagreements seem important at the time but what truly is happening most times is this. You both gave up trying to please one another. When one falls in love we do so because the one we love won us over with kindness and acts of love. The problem is, once one feels they won the love of their life, they give up trying to sustain it, thinking they do not have to. So instead of doing acts of kindness in its place comes acts of demanding certain things from one another. This makes one feel obligated to give love and it causes one to have resentment. Why not stop destroying the relationship and begin to do acts fo kindness to win your love over? Most time when a man feels criticized by his woman he begins to feel disrespected, thinking he is not good enough, so he gives up trying to please her. Get that book Love & Respect and you will find in it all the information you need to get your marriage back on track. Good luck to you!

  • 9 years ago

    Let Me Break It Down like this! First of all some questions for you?

    1. Do you love him?

    2.Always fight for your man!

    3.Don't act needy or like a lil *****!

    Act like you don't care mabey even leave a hint u might be interested in someone else!

  • 9 years ago

    troll troll shut up. This isn't funny. The poor woman is hurting here. My sista PRAY, ask God if he can restore your marriage, ask him to enter your husbands heart and make him see sense. God brought you too togther when you got married (I'm assuming) and he will keep you two together, but you have to just pray!

  • 9 years ago

    Honestly it's not Healthy to argue all the Time I would Split to be honest, you both deserve to be happy and There is Some one out there for You! Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I would pack my things, take the kids with me, and leave. I'd tell him he better pay me child support and if he wants to see his son, he can figure out how to do that! I'd send him divorce papers ASAP! I'd make it perfectly clear to him I am not going to play this bullshit game with him. I don't believe in going through that crap for any man.

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