I am a failure, im almost 18 and ive never hugged/kissed/held hands/dated a girl yet?

I also met a girl about 4 months ago that i am absolutely crazy about, right now she is my best friend and im hers, ive liked her since about a week after i met her but i didn't tell her how i felt about her, and by now i am absolutely in love with her and ive actually managed to tell her this, but just as we started actually talking about dating, her and her ex start talking to eachother again, and it looks like they are going to date :(((((((((

and to answer some of the questions, I'm not ugly, I'm actually pretty good looking, i row crew so I'm in great shape, I'm 6 foot blonde and athletic, but my problem is that i actually take time to get to know a girl before i think about dating them, and by that time its already too late and im in the best friend zone and they are too worried about loosing me as a friend to date me, and i respect girls too much to the point where i don't want to act too soon, and every single girl i know says that I'm the nicest guy they know so it isn't a problem with that either, it just seems like no matter what the girls always go for the tools

and im not shy around girls, about half of my good friends are girls (allot of them are failed dating attempts where i landed in the friend zone), but this girl i am crazy about right now i think is the one, no i know she is and its just tearing me apart.

17 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I hate to tell you this, but "friend zone" is not something you fall into because of the way you treat women. It's a nice way for women to describe a guy as "nice, but not someone I'd want to date..." It has nothing to do with getting to know a girl before you think about dating them. Many, many people date friends that they've known for a while. "Friendzone" is bullsh*t feel good excuse for why people don't want to date others. Very few girls (or people, for that matter) are going to be so worried about losing the friend that they won't go ahead and date the guy. Maybe they should be, but in the real world...nope. They generally go ahead and take the plunge lol.

    "Ohhh well...see...You're SUCH a great friend, I would NEVER want to take a chance of losing that!"

    TRANSLATION: "Ohhh, you're such a good friend...but I don't want to date you, cause you're not my type/what I'm looking for.

    That's the truth of it. "I respect girls too much" Lol, have you ever dated? Girls aren't deserving of any more respect than guys. Everyone deserves respect. You're suffering from nice-guy syndrome.

    FYI, there is no such thing as "THE ONE". There is "THIS ONE" then later there will be ANOTHER ONE. and ANOTHER, and so on. They all feel like "THE ONE" when you're infatuated with them, but honestly, soul mates don't exist so it just comes down to who you're interested in at the moment.

    If she's interested in her ex and you know she isn't interested in you, best thing you can do is move on. Branch out and try to find some new girls, don't waste your time with ones you know don't want to date you. And maybe stop worrying so much about respecting them and all that, as long as you're not a TOTAL jerk to them, they'll be fine. Not saying you shouldn't respect them, but stop treating them like potential little princesses and start treating them like regular people, because they are.

    Honestly, I don't see how nice-guys ever pass on their genetic material lol. That whole "oh he's so nice and considerate and sweet!" thing works on a small group of girls, but honestly you're better off being a bit more masculine and a bit less feminine.

    Acting like a tool to women is the reverse of a girl playing hard to get. And yah, it works lol. It's not something that can really be learned though if it doesn't come naturally. So try to make the best of your nice-guy persona, but don't go overboard with all that "I respect you and want to go get to know you and don't want to hurt your feelings EVER!"...cause even girls typically roll their eyes at that anymore.

    Source(s): I'm one of the tools you described.
  • 9 years ago

    I think when u r "crazy about" someone as you say you are you just want someone to wave a magic wand and make them fall in love with you and adore you and all those lovely things. Life and complicated situations such as her ex and the crummy timing seem like the biggest injustices in the world... You just wish all that stuff would disappear and she'd just fall easily and awesomely into your life, right? You are not the only one in the world who feels this way. I feel your pain, guy - I'm in basically the same situation.

    But I'm a little older than you so let me share what ive learnt...even though I know you're sure you're in love with her you are not. You are infatuated, obsessed, full of adoration. This is lovely and there's nothing wrong/foolish about it but it is not love. I know that's hard to hear but trust me (and if you feel like I do as I've described above youll know you can trust me, right?) it isn't love. Love takes time and when you meet the right girl and the situation's right, Some girl'll come along and love you like you love her. But I still acknowledge it bloody really hurts to feel the way we do. I'm a girl of 26 and I'm hurting so bad about this guy I know - and he's leaving the country in 4 days. I KNOW YOUR PAIN!!!

    What really makes me sad is that you think you're a loser. Everyones different and finds their special someone at a different point in life. All those friends ur prob comparing yourself to who've got girls etc may not have found what you seem to crave- real love.

    You sound like a really kind guy with a heart of pure gold- someone will love you for this but you MUSNT let yourself feel bad about yourself- this will erode your loving kindness and turn you bad. Then noone will love you if you can't love yourself.

    Join a club with people you 100% don't know- this will be hard at first but if it's a fun activity you can throw yourself into you'll make friends and maybe even find that special someone whilst taking your mind off your current object of affection.

    Good luck and cheer up!

  • Jason
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Do you mind me saying how funny this whining is. I am, of course assuming you're not just trolling here...

    You're not a failure! Have you seen the number of questions on this forum alone written by people in a position so like yours? There are tonnes of them, you're not alone in this, and you're certainly not a failure. Besides, you're 18, that means you're leaving school at the end of this year, probably going to university as well. That's a fresh start - a clean slate. There'll be no more sitting in the same girl's friendzone for years, you'll have a chance to meet new people and be how you really want to be.

    Anyway, about this girl, sometimes you just have to do as you feel. It might seem harsh, to pip this other guy to the post, but you have to tell this girl how you feel. So what if it makes things awkward, you're going to be apart in a few months time anyway - you owe as much to yourself that you can at least say you tried!

    Go get her. ;)

  • 9 years ago

    Edit: Are you thumbing down all these answers? You must be really depressed. Some of these people are trying to help you and you won't do a thing? How can you expect to get a girl if you don't take action? But besides, if it doesn't work out, there's plenty of girls out there. Besides, not having a girl doesn't make yyou a failure.

    Big deal, you've never hugged/kissed/anything else with a girl. So what's the problem you want us to solve? It sounds more like you're complaining to be honest.

    Source(s): me
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  • 9 years ago

    i know how u feel. last year i met a girl that wanted to go out basically right away but i wanted to get to know her first and i wanted to go out with her a couple months ago and then she thought about it and she said she is scared if we date we will no longer be friends which i think could be true cause im not friends with any ex's but i always want to be friends with her no matter what. shes the best girl i ever met and i love everything about her. i think she is the one for me too and i could be the right guy for her if i get that chance.

  • 4 years ago

    just because your almost 18 and havent kissed anyone or hugged and whatever does NOT make you a failure. it means you just havent found someone whos worth your time and deserves to be kissed or hugged by you. teen romance sucks anyway. and not to mention its pretty much pointless until you get to college. dont worry about it. youll find somebody and have all the fun you want.(not in the bad way) just give it some time.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You can hold hands or kiss someone without making yourself seem like a "tool". If you ask for sex quickly it's probably not good but if you do little things to just get yourself into a not friend zone than you'll be a lot better off.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Seriously a lot of girls will respect you due to the fact you don't rush into these things. If it doesn't work out with her, just be patient and you'll find the girl for you, it will definitely be worth the wait and hopefully she'll show as much respect to you as you do to girls, it'll work out eventually for the best I'm sure.

  • 9 years ago

    Marry me? ;) jk ermm well i was like that but as a girl and i did have a lot of close friends that were lads and now im dating one, he just told me how good i am and how perfect i am while i was upset and he kissed me =]

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    okay first you not a failure you just haven't found the right one, or gone along breaking other girls hearts because you thought they were the one. and have a little confidence it's okay if u mess up on holding hands, kissing, etc. it's what makes us human and I'm sure she'll understand

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