I'm having a Battle against cutting please HELP me!?

My life is falling apart i don't know what to do, my mum is bipolar and she is always so angry with me for my reason, i used to have so many friends they all ran off and hated me and turned into a gang on bully's against me everyone seems to hate me my dad is always pressuring me telling me how small and... show more My life is falling apart i don't know what to do, my mum is bipolar and she is always so angry with me for my reason, i used to have so many friends they all ran off and hated me and turned into a gang on bully's against me everyone seems to hate me my dad is always pressuring me telling me how small and rubbish i am how i could never amount to be what i want to be and how i could never be good enough plus with my mum shouting at me constantly when i haven't done anything because of her bipolar and with everything at school i desperately want home schooling but with my parents i can't have that my mum is remarried to a person who also have mentel problems so he doesn't understand how it effects me as he has a similar condition to my mum i have horrible mood swings because of my age. and it's always so hard to make myself happy. and i really don't know what to do, people tell me to get counselling but i had it and all they did was make me feel 10 times worse it was horrible. i had a history with cutting in the past, and it wasn't like i wanted to do it it would just happen and i would find the blade in my hand i don't know what to do, as everything mounts up all i have is one close friend who understands what i feel but he's always says things that he has so many problems nobody has any problems compared to him and no one will ever understand how he feels when in reality he's only upset about a girl not loving him. where as i don't know how to deal with this. i feel like nobody understands me, so last week i found myself buying a bottle of foundation a sharpener and a huge handful of wrist bands there must've been about 15 to cover my entire forearm, i don't know why i bought it, i just did as if i couldn't control what i was doing, i thought that i would be able to screw the blade out of the sharpener and hurt myself with it like before then the foundation would cover the scars and the bracelets could go over it just to be sure, i'm really frightened that i will hurt myself, and i really don't want to, but it's like when i bought them, i couldn't stop myself, please help me i don't know what to do :( and i don't know how to deal with this, i'm only 14 if i tell someone i'll feel worse i remember before they gave me 4 councillors then 3 teachers to talk to me, i felt horrible, but the pain mounts up i remember some of my closest friends started smoking and doing drugs and drinking heavily, i thought how could they do that as many teens do, some people think because i have cut myself that i'm the kind of person to do drugs but i would never do that, i would never even want to drink, its like everything leaves me, i feel i'm started to develop bulimia, i've never been able to put on any Weight but i don't know i feel like i should make myself throw up just to make myself feel better, an escape from hurting myself i suppose, to the eye i look like such a happy person people say i'm really cheery but they don't know whats underneath, i have a reputation in school for emo, they say justin emo cuts himself (justin emo meaning my hair is long and when i flip it it will go into place perfectly and the fact that somebody saw my wrist and decided to tell the whole school) anyway they don't understand it, they say why would you cut yourself are you an emo!? they don't understand that i'm not trying to kill myself i'm looking for a way to cope, and i find myself unleashing pain on myself as a distraction, just like how throwing up stops me from hurting myself, i'm a strong person i can tune out these problems but it reaching a point where its all mounting up and becoming hard to cope, please help, that's my story, i don't know what to do to stop myself from hurting myself, please help :(
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