Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 9 years ago

Is a rape victim not mentally stable enough to make their own decisions?

Hello, My name is Marlena. I am 20 years old, and engaged to a wonderful person, but my mother does not approve of him because she thinks that I am not mentally stable enough to make my own decisions, therefore, she does not trust my judgment of people and thinks I can be easily taken advantage of and deceived. She thinks that because I was raped as a young child that it affected me way too much mentally and need to be looked after constantly and she does not trust any of my friends so I have no friends other than online friends because she does not trust my judgment so she won't get to know any of them because she just assumes that they're bad people trying to take advantage of me. I introduced her to my fiance over the phone a week ago since she refuses to meet him face to face and their conversation seemed to go well and I was happy about that. But, around 3 days later she started saying she does not like him for the stupidest reasons. My mother is schizophrenic, so she is double-minded, so she can say something one day and completely change her mind the next day about anything and she is super religious. On Thursday, my fiance came to see me and introduce me to his family but my mother almost did not let me leave the house but I left anyways. Then, when I came back home I told her he was coming to see me the next day and he was taking me to his family's place to spend the weekend and she didn't like the idea at first but then said she trusts me to make the right decision. Then, when he came with his aunt Friday night to pick me up my mother followed me out, got in their faces and it almost got physical on my mother's part. But, we left anyways and when we got to their place his aunt told my fiance's mother about it and she got mad at my mom for upsetting her sister and called my mom and they got into a huge argument and my mom threatened to go down there and cause all kinds of drama if they didn't bring me back so they told her they would bring me back in the morning which ruined our plans. I cried my eyes out the whole ride home, and I was afraid to go home because my mother can get physical when too upset. But, luckily when I got home she didn't hit me. Instead, she had a long talk with me and yelled at me and accused me of having sex outside of marriage which we're not doing nor do we plan on doing until we're married and anyways that is out business not her's. She said if I'm going to continue going over his place I might as well get married and I know if I don't listen to her and go there unmarried again I will have to worry about her hurting us. So even though we can't afford a wedding, we are thinking about eloping and then having a ceremony later on when we can afford it. But, I hate how my mother treats me like I am a little girl and uses the fact that I was raped as a child which was HER FAULT because she decided to make the stupidest decision of bringing some asshole from Mexico she met at the bar home. I think I can make my own decisions! I have made way better decisions than she has ever made. I graduated high school, went to college and am planning on going back, did not get pregnant, abstained from sex, and waited till I was an adult to date. She didn't do any of those things and if I were to point that out she would call me arrogant and judgmental when in fact she is arrogant and judgmental because she thinks she is better than everyone else because she is a Christian and she judges everyone even other Christians. I cannot press charges on my mother when she gets physical because I have a mentally challenged sister who needs her, and we have no one else to take care of her but my mother. Please, someone help me, I don't know what to do! She has healthy problems too so I'm afraid to leave because she gets really sick when she is under too much stress, it is potentially fatal and she has told me that she would die if I left her before. I am so scared.....

3 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You deciding to type your story and dilemma out and place you privacy in the trust of anyone and everyone online proves that you are somewhat capable of a dignified logical process. Which would imply that you are a "stable-minded" person. There is no harm in wanting someone else's help or opinions when you are in a dire situation. Learn from your mothers mistakes and never look down on her for the shitty decisions she made or will make. She obviously doesn't know what is right for you seeing as instead of encouraging you, revealing truths and making sure you are mentally equipped and that your rape experience didn't have any permanent damage, she filled your head with the ideas that you are not capable of making your own decisions e.g. romance. She is the one who has some issues involving love. I'm sorry you had to experience something as horrible as rape, but remember, some experiences must happen in order for you the evolve as a person. You must be confident in yourself and in every decisions you make whether good or bad. If you love yourself it will reflect in who you decide to confide in and place your trust and love. I don't have much advice because i am a completely different person who has no knowledge of what you are going through. Although, the one ground i can stand on as a man and tell you with complete conviction, is that your man needs to be your rock. He needs to stand beside you and go through this ordeal with you with 100% certainty that he is fighting for your right, that is if he truly loves you. And I am sure that he is and he does. There is no room for his uncertainties.

    Everyone has their problems but what makes you an individual is how you decide to handle it. I will pray for you even though i have know idea who you are and you should also seek help from an eternal wisdom.

    Source(s): None. I'm just some guy. I hope my pep talk had some encouraging affects on your psyche. Peace love fuck damn shit. Ahhh
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  • 9 years ago

    Hi, Marlena! I'm really sorry about your problem and I'm going to try to give you some advice to help.

    You're 20 years old now. That means you're a legal adult, and legally, your mom can't tell you what to do. It's also not right for her to guilt you into doing things you don't want to. Maybe you should have a psychologist evaluate her to see whether she needs to be in a mental hospital. They aren't like the bad places you see on TV: actually, they're nice places with only one goal: to make your mom better and to help her be happy! Schizophrenia is a scary disease that will only get worse with time. She could end up hurting herself or others, without caring. That's why she needs to get professional help - so they can treat her so she doesn't end up like that!

    If you're in love stick with the guy. True love is hard enough to find without worrying what other people think.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You need to set boundaries with your mother. It is YOUR life and she has no right to tell you what to do. If she doesn't like it that's her problem. She will nto change until you set boundaries and stick to them. You should never have cut your weekend short because your mother was upset..... until you make changes in how you react to her your mother will never change.

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