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Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 9 years ago

Can someone tell me if my characters background story Is enjoyable to read? ? and rate it out of 10 thanks?

this is basicaly a rough copy, so my gramma and correct wording is not all there, i can stretch this out to maybe an extra 100 words, to get the perfect description etcetera. but is this description enjoyable to read?

Born in a village built on a Small Island, consisting of a Blacksmith, Tailor, markets and jobs of all kinds. Men born on this island are taken in for Training, as early as the age of 10. Undergoing Various tasks set out by the towns people, Proving the wit, Intelligence and strength, of each and every male on the island. men, that proved the wit, strength and intelligence of a Well bred Warrior, after 12 years, are Sent away from the island, to the mainland, a small town cornered away between mountains, surrounded by a lake. This is where all adventurers start, many thousands of miles, of land to discover and venture through, Monsters and creatures to defeat, lie within the mainland.

The men who did not pass the initial test to leave to the mainland, are required to stay on the islands, with the woman, Driving the community and economy of the merchants who ship overseas for trades and equipment.

Tefutakato Was born on this island, The son of Zumoariari Ridotochikushi. An Infamous hunter, Known for his Superior Bow abilities and specializing the elements of earth, water, air and fire. Passed away at the age of 44 in the mainlands, Death was still unkown, his armor was not torn or damaged. and no physical features of bruising, cuts, or burns, When he was sent back to the island for a proper burial. Tefutakato Underwent the traditions and tasks set out by Townspeople. Proving the infinite wisdom and strength of his Father. .Tefutakato was able to climb a wall lifting himself up with just one hand. He was given the job as a Hunter. A job that specialises in use of a Longbow, Cooking, Creating healing potions and herblore. And the hard leather armor with light sheets of metal for extra Protection and swift movement.

On Tefutakato's 22nd Birthday, The towns mayor presented Him with his fathers Superior Armor, Which was made by the Islands blacksmith, with the materials from the dungeons and monsters of the mainland. It consisted of Very Thick and Sturdy dark leather as FULL underbody protection, Golden dragon scales which were light but offered very strong protection against sharper weapons, which was harnessed ontop of the thick leather, giving his upper body and arms High protection.. and folded steel scales which covered the lower body, shins, legs and thigh. complete with light leather gloves and thick leather boots with steel sheet plates for added protection. His bow was made from materials found on the Home island itself except for one magical gem found deep within the mountains on the mainland. The bow consisted of a very thick iron base, blended with steel and iron, fused with the crushed magical gem, giving the bow a light purple colour, the sturdiness of iron, and the decoration of bright, shiny silver steel, patterned creatively around the bow. The bow was slightly heavy and very sturdy. used for long And short ranged accuracy and power, with the aura of the Gem in the bow, could help cast, Small, element spells, effective on smaller creatures.

The bow's abilities are. -Use fire damage with arrows which burns overtime. -Use ice damage with arrows, which slows movement down. -While gripping, able to cast small but effective element spells. But can not overuse, as the bow needs to recharge by itself.

Tefutakato's Abilities. - Mental concentration, *100% critical hit chance, for 1minute*

Tefutakato's Appearance. (Exactly Picture) -Brown hair. -Brown Eyes. -Olive Skin tone. -Sharp eyes and nose. -high cheekbones. -Rounded jawline. -6"ft -189pounds -Very Fit.

Tefutakato has set off into the mainland, adventuring through icy mountains, Forests, Other villages, and whatever paths he may come across.

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Also looking to know if i entered more description *say chapter one, is based on his father, collecting materials of his armor, and his death*

to the final chapter of maybe *need suggestings, have no idea what final chapter should be*

this is a linked picture to what my character kind of looks like.

http://img703.imageshack.us/i/111241.jpg/

*clearly see the leather, the armored scales, the steel around the boots and what not, working on the bow*

3 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Interesting setting and good framework. However, I would work on your character's responses to the events more (how do they feel, what do they do, what would they do differently under other circumstances). The back story also doesn't work so well without context. The character's back story must merge with their current motivations and behaviors.

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  • 9 years ago

    Okay, I don't have the time or energy to point out every flaw in this. So I'll keep it short.

    You spelled grammar wrong. Like, srsly. You could at least have gotten that word right.

    You have Random Capital Letters in sentences where They don't Really belong.

    Your character's name is too hard to pronounce or remember. Same with the dad. How did you even come up with something like that for a name?

    Flaming Arrows? Ice Arrows? I'm sorry this sounds way too much like Zelda. Where you playing it when you were thinking up your story?

    So yeah, there's other stuff but idc to mention it.

    btw how the hell is mental concentration an ability? If that's the case the majority of the human race might as well don there loin cloths, grab their spears, and set off into the woods to save mankind from Shere Khan.

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  • 9 years ago

    Yeah, sounds good. I hate having to read long names though. It's just annoying.

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