Can you edit my paragraph for my history essay about the Civil War?!!!!!! :)?

The controversy of slavery was a huge issue between the North and South. A few people became abolitionists such as Fredrick Douglas, John Greenleaf Whittier, and James Russell Lowell. In document 4, William Lloyd Garrison spoke out against the evils of slavery. Often abolitionists were condemned and persecuted. Anti slavery offices were mobbed and burned. Southerners judged and critiqued especially white abolitionists who had not personally experienced slavery. South preachers even said that slavery was sanctioned in the Bible. “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” was a fiction book written by Harriet Beecher Stowe that inflamed the abolitionists and was the turning point that started the war. A popular court case was Dredford vs. Stanford where a slave sued for his freedom. The South quickly secedes and a war is started.

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  • 9 years ago
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    The controversy of slavery was a huge issue between the North and South prior to the Civil War. A few people became famous and outspoken abolitionists such as Fredrick Douglas, John Greenleaf Whittier, and James Russell Lowell. William Lloyd Garrison also spoke out against the evils of slavery. Often, abolitionists were condemned and persecuted. Anti-slavery offices were mobbed and burned. Southerners judged and condemned the white abolitionists who had not personally experienced slavery. Southern preachers even said that slavery was sanctioned in the Bible. “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” was a fiction book written by Harriet Beecher Stowe that both enraged and encouraged the abolitionist movement. A monumental court case was Dredford vs. Stanford, where a slave sued for his freedom.

    is this your introduction? Ok, up to that point that point above, I am assuming you have sentences about your sub-topics and are going to talk in more detail about each of those subjects in your body paragraphs? But this last sentence, below. It just jumps in out of the blue and does not fit at all. I am not sure where you are going with this, but you need to rethink that last sentence, big time:

    The South quickly secedes and a war is started.

    A couple of other major points:

    - I have no idea what "Document 4" is, so I took it out. What in the world are you talking about? If it is an actual document then you need to call it by its real name.

    - And, in no way was "Uncle Tom's Cabin" responsible for starting the civil war! Did it contribute to the growing tensions between North and South? Yes. But it was not the turning point that started the war.

    If this is an intro, it needs work, but that is not a bad thing. What you should do is come up with a good draft thesis statement, then, brainstorm some body topics and write them, then write your conclusion, then go back and finalize your thesis statement and write your introduction. It sounds backwards, but it works.

    Go to my website and get two excellent sets of instructions for writing essays. Get the first link under "Thesis Statement" and the first link under "How to Create an Essay". They will both help you enormously. You have a decent start, don't be discouraged, as you are going to clean this all up later in the process.

    Here is the website. It is small and easy to get around and find what you need. No ads and only essay writing help:

    http://users.wowway.com/~amerimama/index.html

    First link for Thesis Statement and first link for How to Create an Essay and you will do just fine!

    Good luck!

    ADDED: Uncle Tom's Cabin was fiction!!!!

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Always indent at the beginning of the paragraph. And Its Southern preachers. Non-fiction book, not fiction.

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