Im 17, i have no friends, Im ugly and I think im gay, I need serious advice and help please?
Hey, I am a 17 year old guy, Lately, almost a year now, I have been feeling quite down and unhappy with myself and its really getting to me, I dunno what to do, but just there is so much on my mind and its really killing me inside.
First thing is, I dont have any friends. I have tried hard to make friends in school, but noone wants to know me or cares for me. I feel a lot of the time, people just ignore me and hate me, it hurts. I have been going to this school for 5 years, and Since I went there I havent made any friends. Its hard because all the time I feel lonely and I always feel I have nothing to do with anyone and get bored all the time. In school, people just dont want to know me so I am always by myself, but people verbally bully me and call me a loner because of this, even though I dont want to be alone.Also in class, if I say something people verbally say things to me and slag me and its not nice, so I just say nothing now. I find it hard to talk with people, I have lost all the confidence in myself. I feel if I try and talk with someone, they dont want me there, plus I feel noone else in school has the same interests as me. I just want a good friend that I can have fun with and talk with.
Another problem I have is the way I look, I feel i look so ugly, I hate looking at myself, I feel I have this huge nose and horrible hair just look disgusting and everyone else just looks nice and good looking, i find it hard, I also feel its why I have no friends, because noone wants to be around me. I have heard people commenting saying ''i look weird'' and people just laugh at the way I look, and it hurts, but I dunno what to do or how to make myself better looking, im just really ugly but I dont want to be.
Lastly, but my biggest problem, I think i am gay, but I dont want to be. I really dont. I have dreamed of being with a girl and having children and looking after them, but I have never been attracted to women. I am also not attracted to every guy, but there is one guy I have felt something towards him for nearly two years. I dunno, just whenever I see him I feel something in my heart that no words can explain, I feel I just want to hug him and kiss him, and just share my life with him and care for him. I dream that some day I can live with him and maybe adopt a child with him.
I have known him for 3 years, 2 years ago we sat beside each other in class for a year, and I guess I got to know him and he was a really cool, good looking, sporty and smart guy and I really liked him, I guess I looked up to him, and then the next year we changed class groups and I realized I really missed him and wished I could spend more time with him, so I tried my best to befriend him, but I am so shy, its hard for me. Next we went on a school trip, and one day I sat down for dinner with some people from school who got up soon after I sat down, and this guy made room beside him for me to sit with him and talk with him, which was really sweet and it touched me. I really liked that, no other person has ever done something like that for me before.
I began thinking about him a lot, and my feelings really grew for him, I have such strong emotional and sexual feeling (sounds a bit dirt i know). Whenever I see him, i feel just this happiness inside , that no other person has ever made me feel, just knowing he's near me makes me happy, I just dream of sharing my life with him and becoming friends with him. I think of him every day. Its a year on since that trip now, Ive thought of him every day since and everyday the feelings get stronger. We dont see each other though as much as we only have 1 class together, but when I am there, its just really nice. We dont talk to each other a lot, just maybe he would say Hi to me and stuff. I just wish I was closer to him. I wish I could tell him my feelings for him,but I am not close enough to tell him. I am afraid if I tell him he would freak and tell his friends and it would spread and I would get hurt and bullied for being gay. I dont want that, and I dont want to scare him or make school uncomfortable for him. I just feel he is the closest person to me, and he is so beautiful and caring and touching and the type of person I would like to share my life with. I dream of being able to live with him some day in a house near the beach and have a small family and to care for each other and stuff.
He has really touched me, but it hurts to think of him and not able to tell him.
I dont know what to do about all this, but its really getting me down, and I am finding it hard to handle, I am finishing school next year, and I am afraid after I will never see him again, that thought makes me cry. I really like him no words can explain it. I just wish I knew what to do.
I just need help and advice for all this, anything that can help. Its really emotional for me
PLEASE DONT WRITE ANY SILLY OR HURTFUL COMMENTS
- 9 years agoFavorite Answer
i'm 17 and bi, and i have the same problem. people always tell me i look average and sometimes pretty. but i know i'm not. show us a picture your probably not as bad as you think.
i've fancied guys who other people considered ugly, so.....Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
- 9 years ago
Well, you say you will be leaving school next year, so as far as the bullying is concerned that will be one less problem eventually. As for the guy you like, the only thing I can say is that the only way you can sort this is if you talk to him. I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but I can't see any other way round it other than to forget him, which you clearly are afraid of doing. All I can say is that you are not alone in your feelings, there are plenty of others in your situation. Don't get emotional because it won't help you. Just make the most of your school life, work hard and forget the bullies - they are not worth getting upset over. I doubt you are 'ugly' as you say...it's your personality that defines you, not looks.
Sorry if that was all a bit vague. If you are really upset or emotional, talk to someone like a councilor.
- Anonymous9 years ago
Wow, long question. Um, let's see. The no friends part. Well, it is high school. Kids are the meanest people on earth. I learned in high school that I could say hi to people, be friendly and what not, but I was not really friends with any of them. I had a couple friends that I had known since grade school, but I was not one of the "popular" kids, so I did not fit in . I was overweight, did not have the best clothes, and I was shy. Not easy to make friends being that way. My advice to you is get involved outside of school. Given your age, will you be graduating this year? Get a job or volunteer. Hospitals, nursing homes, animal shelters, etc. all need people to volunteer and you will be making a difference in the world. Contact your town hall and ask them for ideas on where to volunteer. You might not meet your mate there, but you will make friends.
The ugly part - Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you are clean, wear clean clothes, get your hair cut into something fashionable, treat your acne if you have any, and brush your teeth, then it is up to the beholder what he/she sees. Smile once in a while too, that helps. You cannot change the face you were born with, unless you are rich enough for plastic surgery, so do the best with what you have.
The gay part - only you know who you are attracted to. If you are not attracted to women and only are attracted to men, they you might be gay. Aren't there any counselors at the schools anymore? You could talk to you counselor about it. Or your doctor, they will listen to you.
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- MisanthropLv 59 years ago
I promise I won't write anything hurtful cause I understand what you are going through and trust me I have been there bro.
When I was in high school I gave in to what I was labelled as and believed that I was just as ugly and that I was not worth anyone's time or friendship but I'm a different person now. I hated the fact that I realised I'm gay. When I came to uni I was a bit shocked cause I received a completey opposite reception to what I had in high school, I'm abroad for further studies and apparently here, I'm smoking hot. Long story short, it's not about how others see you, value yourself based on how you value yourself. If you hate yourself and aren't happy, not at peace it shows bro so you need to first of all start by changing your attitude. You shouldn't define yourself based on the friends you have, but be careful too cause friends make you or break you. So what if you like the same sex? Hating it ain't goin to remove the feelings away or change the fact that you may very well just be gay! By hating yourself for being gay, that's like saying you don't deserve to be appreciated for being you. You don't have to conform to anything or anyone, until you learn to love and appreaciate yourself. There is always an answer to your problems you just have to know where to find them.
- Whatev' Yo'Lv 59 years ago
What you need is a fresh new look on life. Your first two problems are in fact linked to each other, but not how you may think. Your real problem is that you don't like yourself. If you don't like yourself, how can you expect others to like you. They may see you as someone who doesn't care about himself, so why should they. Fixing this problem will be hard and seeing a therapist may help drastically. BUT I do recommend that you pick up the book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. It's all about positive attraction and dispelling negativity from your life, which you seem to have in spades. It isn't a quick fix but I think reading it may help alter some, if not all, of your gloomy thoughts.
As for being gay, if that's how you are you should just embrace it. Trying to change it or repress it will only hurt you more in the end.
and to Fish... GET OVER YOURSELF! This isn't about you. May what you wish upon this hurting individual come back to you. You are much more pathetic than you claim him to be.
- SBDLv 59 years ago
Well, first of all - you need to like yourself more. I bet you're not ugly at all. The thing is when you lose confidence, that shows in the way you hold yourself and the look in your eye. Unfortunatley it's human nature to pick on people who don't fit in, and it seems that you don't fit in. You should try to carry yourself taller, and look confident even if you don't feel it. I bet there are people in the school who are uglier than you, but who think they're great - and because they think they're great others do too.
Believe me though, you won't be the only one who feels like you do. There must be other people who hang around by themselves sometimes. How about trying to befriend one of them? Or maybe joining a club you're interested in? Don't join a club because you think it's "cool" but one which suits your tastes - then you're more likely to get a friend like you.
As for being gay - well perhaps you are. And if so - well - big deal. Why would that matter? However, I think it's more likely that starved of other affection and attention you crushed on the boy who you sat next to because he was moderately kind to you - and also happened to be cool. It's likely that you were just grateful that someone so great would (in your eyes) stoop so low as to even notice you.
I don't know why you have such low self esteem. Only you know that - but that and a lack of confidence is your main problem - not whether or not you're gay, or whether you have friends.
You need to start believing in yourself and liking yourself more.
17 is a tough age. Stick with it. Life is an amazing gift when you think how amazing it is we even exist. Be grateful for it and do something with it.
Fcuk all the people who are nasty to you. Rise above it.
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- Anonymous9 years ago
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