My mother has a brother (via my grandfather) who was lost to adoption in the early 50's. They have been in contact, he has stated that he does not want an ongoing relationship, and my mother is very respectful of that.
She did say, though, that she wanted to keep the doors open always "in case he needs a kidney or something". :-) So, I guess, if my uncle came a-knockin', my mother would be more than willing to do what she could for him.
I'm not sure what the dynamics are for most families, I can only speak for my own. I can only hope that compassion would prevail in most cases, but I could understand if anyone thought that was too much to ask, adoption-related or not. I would love to have a relationship with my uncle, but he's simply not interested. So, if he called me for the sole purpose of medical help...? I don't know. Who's to say that the timing wasn't just wrong, he wanted to meet anyway, but it turned out he needed help?
I'd love to be there for him and his family, my cousins, if I was ever given the chance.
I don't know if one is more acceptable than the other. I guess...the way I see it in my family is that my uncle is sort of "in charge" of how things go down, because he is the one who is not wanting a relationship, so given the dynamic, it might be odd if one of us contacted him, though desperation could lead to anything, I suppose. I'm just wondering if the dynamic of who found whom, and who wants a relationship, who's most invested, etc., could play a role in how such a request would be received...
Thought provoking question!
Foster/Adoptive Mom of 2 siblings