Is my mom cheating? how to tell my dad?

This all happened when my mom got a new blackberry phone. I could tell you in more detail but my question got deleted I think..?

- On the new phone my brother and I found a message from an unknown number. In it said, "I hate seeing you every blue moon.

- Now my mom locks her phone, keeps it in her bra, saying she "cannot hear it". We ask her, "if there is nothing on that phone to worry about, why not show us?" and her reply is always, "It's none of your business".

- She locked the phone when my dad asked to see it.

- She says she is going to meetings, but they last for hours longer than she says they end.

- She bought KY Jelly, and my brother found the hiding spot. She went to a meeting the next day, and it was gone.

- We went to a vacation and she sent a text message while hiding her phone below her thigh, "I wanan be in your arms again. Seeing you once everywhile is not enough. I <3 YOU!!!!".

- My mom always exits out of Internet browsers when I walk into the room.

- Her Verizon Wireless phone messaging is passworded with a credit card # and her password.

- She locks her phone, and yells and grabs then phone for when we reach for it.

- She was caught looking at a "How to not get caught cheating" browser while my sister pulled up history.

- Yesterday I saw her reading a book, in a book store, named, "The truth about Cheating".

- We think the guy she is cheating with is a mexican because his name is (a common mexican name) and he was on a group she was involved in with the "meetings". And that is the text message we saw her texting to. So she is always talking about mexican traditions 24/7 as if you wanted to be one.

- She is always insulting our dad behind his back saying, "He looks like a grand-pa" "He is ridicilous"

- My dad's parents just passed away leaving some money to my dad. My mom lost her job, and doesn't even LOOK for a job. I think she is just staying until my dad runs out and she will leave him?

- She owes my dad ALOT ALOT of money.

- She doesn't give a **** about my brother, my sister, or myself.

- Everytime my dad tells a joke you can completely tell she is fake laughing. Possibly to act like the love is still there?

Please help! I need to know if this is clear evidence she is cheating! If so, how do I deal with this? Tell my dad, confront my mom? Should I call the "Cheaters" television show? Please help, I will update this with more, "cheater" actions.

Update:

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When i tell my dad, he thinks it is a joke and laughs about it.

Update 2:

My dad has already had a terrible life with what he has gone through.

My mom will lie about it the whole time, she lies all the time. My dad will never believe us. But we can't let this keep happend, or "let nature figure it's way out". She is manipulating my father for all his money, and he is paying her taxes, all the house notes, everything!

And if my parents do get a divorce, can I choose to go to my fathers?

13 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Mind your own business.

    That is my advice. Please listen to me. Mind your own business. Stay out of it.

    This is between your parents.

    Let your father figure out his own problems. Let your mother figure hers out.

    For all you know, your dad might be aware of what is going on, and would be really embarrassed and resentful if you were a little "gopher" with messages.

    You are not responsible for your mother. You are not responsible for your father. You are responsible for you, and having your life in order.

    I REPEAT ...stay out of it.

    You know why? It is your mom and your dad that have to deal with the consequences. Let nature take its course. Do not interfere.

    Plus, how do you know that this isn't some sex game that is between your parents? You have no idea what is going on. And it is none of your business.

    And you are a CHILD and they are adults. Therefore, she does not owe you any explanations for any aspect of her life, and she certainly does not have to show you her phone.

    When you come clean with her about your own sexuality and secrets, maybe she will talk to you about hers.

    EDIT: Your mom sounds like a piece of work. But it is in your interest that your parents stay together. HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT SHE IS CHEATING. So respect that. It is clearly obvious.

    If you are that dumb to have a webpage about cheating in your computer, you are not leaving breadcrumbs behind you, but rather a freaking road-map. Hello, cookies anybody? Recently visited history?

    Dad obviously wants to remain in the dark about this. Let him be in a state of denial. Don't harp on it.

    She can't "manipulate your father for his money" because she is his wife. If they are not married, that is a different story. But she is married to him, and it is "their" finances.

    Your father has a lot of problems. If he is being walked all over like a door mat, do you think that you are going to make his life better by forcing him to confront his cheating wife (your mother??)

    OMG ... you will make it 10 X worse for him.

    Your father has had a hard life, and you are about to make it REALLY hard for him. Because now he is going to have to face what he is trying to avoid. You don't know. You have no idea why your father is evading this issue. Maybe it is the path of least resistance, and he is not man enough to deal with it the hard way, and divorce her.

    She will still get the house, the car and the kids, plus alimony, unless there is some kind of miracle in the courtroom.

    Cheating is not even considered grounds for divorce these days, especially in a "no fault" divorce state.

    Honey, you are way over your head. And you are about kill your old man with this stuff. Your mother is stabbing him to death slowly, but you will be the lethal wound. This of course, being a metaphor. I am not actually talking about murder.

    MY ADVICE:

    Be your old man's best friend. Bring him a beer when he comes home, make him a tea, brew him a pot of coffee in the morning. Clean the living room, and make his favorite chair the most comfortable place for him in the house.

    Tell him what a great dad he is, and how lucky you are to have him for a father.

    Tell him how much you appreciate everything he does for you. Spend an afternoon doing what he likes, be it a pick-up soccer game, listening to him drone on about history, or whatever it is. Just spend a few hours out of the week 'solid dad time.' Listen to his words, and make him feel like the most important man in the world.

    That is what you can do to help your father. You say he has had a hard life? Make his life easier. Ask yourself every day "what can I do to make dad's life better right now?"

    That is how mature people handle these things. Telling him about his cheating, lying, conniving head-case of a wife, will only remind him of his bad choices. It will do nothing to change his character (make him a stronger man) and it will also not make your mom a more honest wife.

    If you think that telling your dad about this will "punish" your mom, and "justice" will be served, forget it.

    She will get child-support, the car, the house, the pets, the china ... he will be in a studio apt.

    And your old man will be strapped with legal fees the size of the national debt.

    Good luck.

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  • 9 years ago

    I don't know what to say. I hope everything works out OK for your family. The most damaging evidence is that you've caught her browsing websites that give advise on how to avoid being caught cheating. I think that's the answer to your question. Although, I'm confused about your time line. You say she's goes to meetings and stays a lot longer than expected. Then you say she's unemployed. So those meetings she was going to were what? work meetings? or what kind of meetings? I ask because that's an important part of the details. Also, you mentioned the guy she may be having an affair with is Mexican. Is your family white? Just curious.

    Regardless it seems that even though you've told your dad. He seems to be in denial or simply doesn't care. You obviously do care. I would just propose an ultimatum to your mom, and tell her how much she's hurt you guys, and that you won't tolerate it anymore. Thus, if she continues you won't speak to her or she can't be a part of you lives. That also depends on how old you guys are. Are you guys 18 and older?

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  • Leah
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    For the best answers, search on this site https://shorturl.im/avBCL

    You need to tell your dad and let him handle it. Try to remember what the guy looked like, how old he was, what time it should have been (if you bought something in town itll have the time on the receipt so youll be able to work it out from that). In relationships like your parents, there can often be serious problems which they manage to keep the kids from knowing about. So, while you may think that your parents are happy and in a healthy relationship, clearly their relationship isnt healthy and in fact, they could be unhappy. This could cause things to happen which allows them both to either clear the air and sort their problems or change they way they live so they can both seek happiness elsewhere, like your mother clearly is doing by cheating. Remember, she isnt just cheating on your dad, shes cheating on you and the whole family. Tell dad, dont tell mom, let him work it out and see how it goes.

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  • 9 years ago

    I'm so sorry you're going through this....i've actually been through something very similar. About 3 years ago I also had my suspicions that my mom was cheating on my dad. I hate to say it but it does sound like your mom is having an affair and your dad doesn't deserve it and neither do you and your siblings. I ended up getting so mad at my mom that I screamed at her one night when my dad wasn't home I called her some really horrible names and told her she needed to fix it because if she didn't do what was right by my father I'd stop talking to her. Well she made it right with my dad but then did it again a month later, so my dad kicked her out and I didn't speak to her for a year. And it took another year after that for me to actually be ok with her. I still don't forgive her for ruining my family but I have moved past it and the 2 of us have a good relationship now. I don't know if what I did is right or what but I do remember contemplating what to do and I didn't plan on things playing out the way they did but I was so hurt that I ended up blowing up.

    I'm so sorry once again and I hope things work out ok. Just remember it's not your fault and you just need to be strong for the rest of your family.

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  • Zoe
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I would first ask my mom about the encounter and ask who he was and why. Then I would tell her to confess to your father. Although it does seem harsh to just step into their marriage like that but trust me it would be better to end whatever is happening now and have it over with than to have this go on and possibly cause more emotional damage to your father later in life knowing that he was cheated for a long time without him suspecting anything. Please do not keep this to yourself because it can and will eventually hurt someone in some way or another.

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  • 9 years ago

    Stay out of it.

    If your mother is cheating and you know, then your father already knows.

    Marriage is far more complicated than you can possibly imagine.

    "And if my parents do get a divorce, can I choose to go to my fathers?"

    Yes, but this only counts for 1 or 2 points out of about 12 or 14.

    Custody is determined by an "objective point system" that is grossly sexist in favor of women.

    In 95% of cases the mother has been awarded custody. It's not like it's "close".

    Since your mother does not work, she will win about 10 custody points hands-down for being a "SAHM".

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  • 9 years ago

    sadly it seems like your mom is cheating on your dad. Kinda difficult to deal with this and to actually tell your dad about it. Talk to your mom about it. She has to understand that she already have a family and she doesnt need mexican babies running around (am mexican, am not racist) But try to work things out, dont make them divorce.

    Source(s): Well..
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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    If you can't tell, I'm sorry. But, I'm almost completely certain that she is cheating. Its your call if you should tell your dad. I'd make her tell him, or get a Grandparent or other relative to tell him.

    My husband says, he would save your dad from the hurt.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Don't make this public. Just bring it to your dads attention and tell him what you told us on here. it sounds like your mom is cheating, and you need to do something about it. If you were in a relationship, you would want to know sooner than later if your boyfriend or spouse were cheating on you.

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  • 9 years ago

    This is way too Much for a kid to bear! Call cheaters

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