Why am I expected to invite relatives I don't know or strongly dislike to our wedding?

My mom was really upset when I told her that my grandma's (her mother who's been passed away for about 7 years now) extended family wasn't invited. She expects me to invite my aunt's (her sister-in-law) step mother and step sister who have hosted Thanksgiving dinner the past few years for our families (She doesn't know that I'm not inviting them either), and I have no choice but to invite that actual aunt because she's married to my uncle (mom's brother) who I actually adore. His wife (my aunt...in case this is hard to follow) is a very mean person. She always goes out of her way to upset my mom and she always liked to compare me to her daughter who's a year older than me. She thinks her kids are so far above us that we aren't worthy of their friendship as cousins. She's a loony toon. I mean the woman suffered from empty nest syndrome and filled the void by buying 3 Chippewas that she calls her latin gang. The dogs all fit in my hand. My uncle hates them, and he's a dog person! My aunt never respects my uncle. She used to have 2 cats even though my uncle was always sneezing and puffy from allergies because he doesn't like to tell her no. Anyways, I have no choice but to invite her. My cousins are also invited. My crazy aunt asked why I didn't have any of my cousins standing up for our wedding, and I told her I already had plenty of bridesmaids and my fiance already chose his groomsmen. I feel bad that my mom is upset, but seriously, I'm almost 30 and this drama is so unnecessary. Can I just duct tape my aunt's mouth shut for the entire wedding and reception? That would really make my day that day.

Update:

She didn't buy 2 Chippewas. That was supposed to say 3 Chiuauas. The little dogs with the bulgy eyes.

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Oh do I understand where you are coming from. I got engaged last year, and I could see it coming from a mile away. My fiance is Mexican, and has an ubelievably HUGE family. 99% of the weddings are done in huge Catholic churches with everyone and their third cousins invited. Whereas I come from a small family consisting of four immediate families. That's it. When my fiance and I finally broke it to his mother that only 25 people were invited, she almost had a heart attack. His immediate family, his grandmother, and one of his aunts and uncles were invited. His mother flat out told me we couldn't invite one of his uncles with out inviting all 6 of them.. And their wives. Same for his aunts. We had to invite his aunt and uncle (their married) because we saw them at a fancy restaurant one day and the waiter came to our table and told us that our $100 bill was paid in full by them. They had unknowningly paid for our engagement dinner! There's no way we couldn't invite them after that. His mother attempted to tell us what we were "allowed" to do and not, but I simply told her it was our wedding, and that I was sorry that our decisions upset her. She never stopped trying to tell us what to do with OUR wedding.

    We both got so stressed out about it, that we decided that we are going to elope in Fiji. I'd much rather spend the same amount of money and spend a week in Fiji without having to worry if security kept out the other 200 family members that showed.

    Moral of the story- it's YOUR wedding. If it was your mother's wedding, then she could invite whomever she wanted. But it's not her wedding. So make your own decisions, and simply don't tell her about them, or just listen to her and nod your head and then just do what you want. It's YOUR wedding, YOUR guest list, and hopefully YOUR money. Do what you want, and don't listen to anything else. This day is about you and your hubby. You don't want to look back and remember your wedding day as that day where that crazy aunt of yours pissed you off do you?

    I hate when people try to make decisions for other people's wedding. Fyi, it's not YOUR wedding. Ugh.

    Source(s): We just recently told his mother we're eloping... Oh boy. Don't get me started! The tears were pouring!
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  • 9 years ago

    Well the luxury of paying for the wedding yourself is that YOU call the shots and determine the guest list. Now keep in mind that 20% of invitees won't attend for one reason or another, schedule conflict etc. So those who aren't really close to you are more likely to send a gift and their regrets than actually attend.

    My parents hosted my wedding so my mom added about 60 people to the guest list that I could care less about. My immediate family isn't huge, but my husband's is, so to compete with his side she invited all HER cousins and every friend she's ever had. So to control the headcount a little, I said we're having a destination wedding 5 hours away, because I knew those distant people wouldn't pay for 2 nights hotel and drive 10 hours for my wedding. And it worked! We had about 40% of guests decline the invitation. I never wanted 100 sets of eyeballs on me on my wedding day, but that was the bare minimum considering the groom's side of the family.

    Now no you can't exclude your aunt and invite your uncle alone, but you really don't have much contact with the guests during the reception anyway. After the receiving line, I didn't talk to most of the guests all night. They had dinner and dancing and I was hanging out with my friends, not the older crowd in the ballroom. So it's not like your unfavorite relatives are attached to your hip for your whole wedding day.

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  • 9 years ago

    I think if she is paying or willing to pay for all those extra people then yes invite them. But I agree with you duct tapping your mom's mouth is best! Its time for a good old fashion sit down. Show her the list, the price her person, the price to add extra invites etc. Let her know why you chose not to invite people.

    If she is willing to pay the difference then invite them. If she isn't then skip it. Some things are just not worth the drama on your day!

    Source(s): would love to duct tape mom & mom in laws mouth!!! (forever) lol 10-1-11 bride!!!
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  • 9 years ago

    Well, if your mom is paying for the wedding, she gets a say in the guest list. The person writing the checks gets to make the decisions.

    If you are paying for your own wedding, you are not obligated to invite anyone. Say to your mom, politely, "I understand how you feel, but we aren't inviting anyone to the wedding unless we feel close to them personally."

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Inviting relatives whether you like them or not I can understand but the point is YOU are not related to these people, Your aunt is only your aunt through marriage and they are only related to your aunt through marriage. That's just getting silly. Your day, Your guests, Your decision. Just think if it upsets your aunt enough she might just refuse to go to your wedding and make your uncle go on his own.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    people like you and especially the poster named sarah dont get the damage they are doing to themselves and their parents by cruelly excluding people at their weddings. the ignorance is quite breathtaking, the eagerness to hurt people is ugly.

    dont worry, these people you are snubbing, rudely hurting, believe me, believe me, these same people will still be in your life, all your life because they are still part of the family no matter that on your " your " day you decided to hurt them, and pretend they arent, and they will take particular, dellicious

    pleasure in doing the same to you. when your children are born and there are birthday parties for all the cousins who are your childrens ages YOUR children wont be WONT BE invited.

    when there are weddings, anniversaries, parties, birthdays, holidays, you YOU will be sitting all alone wondering why no one remembers your exisitence. why you are not part of the family.

    it may not matter to you now but oh boy will it matter later.

    so you can keep that chip on your shoulder, getting heavier and heavier as the years go by, and as you get older you will realize that being generous, kind and polite, words that are obviously unknown to you, would have helped your mother and family not have to make excuses for your cruelty, and would have made everyones life easier.

    people dont look down on you and sarah and all the rest of the brides who think this way because of poor upbringing and lack of class, they look down on you becasue you have a bad, ungracious attitude. you have a bad attitude, and this will cause destruction to you all your life.

    everyone at your wedding deserves a smile, a greeting, and a kind hug. give and you will receive so much. or dont, and reap what you sow. living your life to get revenge on people is called being poor in spirit. if you live your life that way it will seems as if everyone has more than you. but it is not about money. graciousness is free.

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  • Woods
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Sure! Tape her mouth shut, but make sure the tape has lace and beading on it so she will look good while not talking. ;-)

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  • 9 years ago

    You don't have to invite anyone you don't want. This is YOUR wedding. Even if your mom and dad are paying for the wedding.

    Put on your big girl panties and just say "no". If your mom doesn't want to come to the wedding when you say "no", you don't need her.

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  • 9 years ago

    Its not really your wedding, its your Mothers!

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