How can I deal with the other woman who was a friend?

My husband and I have been together over 20 years and have a son who is 13! We live in a very small community and my husband has lived here his entire life. Our son is very involved in sports in the community, as is my husband. During all of the sports with our son, we become close friends with another couple and our children are best friends. We've been friends with them for about 5 years now, and have spent all sorts of time together at games, going to dinner, doing various activities, and going on vacations. Our children have the type of relationship that when one is not at home, they are at the others house. My so-called friend and I did things together without the children or the husbands. We were friends. So I thought!

About a year ago, I began have suspicions about my husband and this woman. They were getting a little too close. There were the subtle actions, looks, touches and the blatant late night phone calls. I confronted my husband 3 or so times with certain things I had witnessed and he kept telling me there was nothing going on, they were just friends. Uh huh! I told him that I was a pretty smart cookie and if there was anything to tell, he'd best do it while he had the chance.

8 months ago, I accessed his work e-mail account on my laptop and found all of the e-mails between the 2 of them. Hundreds of them. I confronted him and told him to try and lie to me some more. He was busted and he knew it. He confessed. He also said he didn't want a divorce and wanted to work things out.

A few months later, he moved out. After another month, she left her husband and moved into the apartment beside him. I'm still absolutely sick over this. Our divorce isn't final, and our son stays with me and is with his father every other weekend. But most of the time when he's at his father's house, he is at her house staying the night with his friend. Logically, I know this is fine, but the other part of me believes I couldn't trust her with my husband so how can I trust her with my child.

I have to see her at sporting events all year round and even had to watch her spend the Christmas holiday's at my in-laws, where I've spent the same holiday for the past 24 years.

One minute, I think I'm doing fine and the next, I feel sick and enraged? Will this feeling ever go away? Will I ever be okay with having my son around her? BTW, all of the kids know, to the point that her son who is my son's friend supposedly punched my soon to be ex. It's hard enough for me, but I know it's even harder for them.

I was hit with a double whammy. My husband stabbed me in the heart and my friend stabbed me in the back! Now, when my child is with her I feel like I'm getting stabbed again (not by my son).

I just don't know how to get over all of this!! Any thoughts?

6 Answers

    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    Time heals all wounds. I am sorry that you are going through this, I know how devastated you must be. I think in time you will come to realize that these two deserve each other. They will think that it is heaven until all their traits come out. Then you ex will know that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I do feel for the kids, they are the ones that suffer the most. Cry your eyes out when ever the kids are not around. By the way you don't have to be nice to either one of them, even for the kids.

  • gma
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    Well, not only do you feel like you got stabbed twice you really did! So your feelings are valid. However, your son will always be yours. As for the other two deserve each other. Believe in yourself, end the pity party that you were entitled to but now it's time to move on with yourself.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    You are the class act to not get your child involved. Kids are not stupid and will that daddy left mommy for her friend. Just be cold to her and when no one is in ear shot ask her what it is like to be a dirty whore! You can tell her that he was seen talking to another woman and enjoy the ride because when he is through another will come along. Hire an escort working girl for his birthday! That will piss her off and worth the 100 bucks to watch her scream!

  • ?
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    My heart really goes out to you - you are in a very tough spot. Talk to your atty see if you can't get his visitation rights modified forbidding her to see or be with your son. But I have to tell you I don't hold out much hope for that because it's like a restraining order when she hasn't exhibited any physically harmful behavior toward your son. But I'd ask.

    Good luck - you are overdue.

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  • 10 years ago

    sorry honey think you need some counseling make him pay for it before your divorce is final, oh you can also sue her for being the other woman and destroying your marriage. that is called sweet revenge suing the other woman making it public knowledge will destroy her reputation in that town let alone it is legal to sue the other woman for this. the other women in this little town will not want their husbands anywhere she is that much i can tell you once she is branded a home-wrecker for life.

    Source(s): check the internet there was a woman who sued the mistress and won in court.
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    It will take time.

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