Do you Like the Start of my Story? (Revised)?
“Wake up, Blaze. Blaze!” The girl lowered her voice, “Flame, do you think he’ll remember what happened?” My vision was blurry. All I could see were two silhouettes standing over me, talking.
“He’ll remember. A Brother of Fire always has a good memory,” said a raspy voice known as Flame. “You need to calm down, Inferno,” explained Flame to Inferno, in a gentle voice. I tried to sit up, but my body felt numb.
“It’ll take time for Blaze to wake. After the attack from the Fire Hunters, it’ll take time, especially for the burns on his side to heal” finished Flame. I tried to speak, but nothing came out, as if my mouth was taken away. My vision began to clear a little, and I saw the faces of Flame and Inferno.
Flame was a man probably in his late 30s, with a small black goatee and flowing black hair with parts of gray in it. Flame was wearing a red robe.
Inferno was probably 14, my age, and had under-the-shoulder length blonde hair and wore a red robe, too.
The numbness of my body finally drained as my vision finally cleared fully. When Flame and Inferno weren’t looking, I quickly hopped off the small bed and held up my fists. “Who are you?” I asked. “Blaze, calm down. Let’s talk this over-” began Inferno, but I interrupted her. “My name is not Blaze! It’s Nathan! I want answers, now!” I demanded. “Blaze, get back on the bed, you’re still injured from the attack from the Fire Hunters” Flame said, calmly. “What the hell are Fire Hunters? Tell me how I got here, you… you… freaks!” I demanded again.
“Blaze, just sit down, and we can talk this out” promised Inferno. “Please.” “No! Who are you, and where am I?” I asked. “Inferno, we should just tell him; he lost his memory, so he needs to know what’s going on” said Flame. “Well, we better hurry because we still have a mission to do, and the Fire Hunters could find our camp any minute” reminded Inferno.
Things I can improve in it, do you like it, comments, criticism, etc. etc. Do you like it? Things I can do to make it better? Thanks everyone.