First few chapters of my novel. What do you think?

If any of you would like to check out the first few chapters of the young adult fantasy novel I'm working on (I promise, no vampires/gorgeous immortals), I would appreciate it immensely. I would really love some honest review. Thank you so much! If the site doesn't work for you here are the first couple of paragraphs.

Freedom was sweet. As sweet as the fresh and floral tinged night air pressing against Robin's face, as sweet as the feel as the horse's silky mane weaving through her fingers and the cadence of it's hooves as they padded against the muddy ground. Horse and rider galloped across the uneven land, no destination in mind.

Robin smiled, still high on the adrenaline of power and intoxicated with the knowledge that she was no longer a girl, but something more beautiful and fierce and terrible all at the same time. No longer did she feel any of the bitter emotion that had built up over the last year. All of her hunger, all of her weariness and fear, had disappeared. Her thoughts blurred, and for this moment, the misery of the last few months faded into something less than a memory.

Replacing all this feeling was a slightly dizzying warm sensation. Numbness. If she would have been in a sensible state of mind she would have defined it numbing, but not being quite sensible, at the time she could only describe it as pleasant.

So she just continued riding, quickening pace. She could see ahead, not just into the night, but into a future full of power and a world of happiness that had been long forgotten. As her matted dark hair blew out behind her and the night breeze tickled her skin, a new wild sparkle reached her violet eyes, and she gave a drunken laugh.

4 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    fantastic! the description is impeccable and i would definetly purchase it when published. keep up the good work

  • 4 years ago

    sure, i do no longer even end the books. that's particularly tempting to have the drama of in basic terms verbal substitute -- even though it hardly works; there are strikes that are happening. undergo in ideas the action picture "Six Days, Seven Nights" with Harrison Ford and Anne Heche. They have been stranded on an island, yet there grew to become right into a great style of action as they attempted to locate a manner off. you decide on action to construct suspense. they gained't stay in one place perpetually. What approximately water? nutrition? you decide on strikes.

  • 10 years ago

    I wouldn't begin a story this way, too much detail.

    I'd start it out with her maybe putting her horse away and describing how she missed the feeling she got while riding, then have another character enter and her talk to them, because that will create a bond with us and the character

  • 10 years ago

    That is beautifully written.

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