Anonymous asked in HealthWomen's Health · 9 years ago

I can't have a vaginal orgasm...and it's affecting my relationship?

I keep trying to reassure my bf that he completely satisfies me, but he won't believe it until I have a vaginal orgasm (which I've just never been able to achieve) and it's making me sad that it's upsetting him...

Am I abnormal that I can't have one??


Yes, there are such things as clitoral orgasms.

9 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your inability to have a vaginal orgasm is not what's affecting your relationship. You are fine, and your body is fine too.

    It's your boyfriend's attitude that's the problem here.

    You're not only normal, you're actually part of the majority. About 70% of women cannot have orgasms from vaginal stimulation alone, they need other stimulation of some kind, usually clitoral.

    If your boyfriend insists on feeling bad about something that's normal, common and out of anyone's control, he's wasting his energy.

    He'd better spend that energy on learning what does get you off, and how to make that a part of love making.

    If he learns how to stimulate your clit during intercourse, you'll both have great sex and a wonderfully intimate experience.

  • 9 years ago

    If he is expecting you to be like some body else - he has a problem. And having a vaginal orgasm is no different than a clitoral one - the only difference being where you like to be aroused. People are different and we need to recognize and accept that fact. By the way I'm 48 - never had what others call a vaginal orgasm.

    I don't consider myself abnoral nor should you,

    Source(s): Mom of four, RN
  • 4 years ago

    I laugh when I hear this.I'm sorry but you just are not doing it right. My girlfriend is able to have them every time.If I put in the proper effort meaning I know what it takes for her and I do those things. But I have made quite a few women have vaginal orgasims and before you think it yes I'm sure. It pretty much a given when you can feel them *** and hear it as well.My girl even had a close friend who had recently divorced her husband and said she had never orgasmed from sex. A few drinks things got a little crazy and my wife offered me up. 10 min was all it took, shakking like an epileptic seizure holding her genitals embarrassed and apologizeing I told her it was fine and normal changed her life. Guys you need to make them comfortable a little alcohol to remove inhibitions is OK too much forget it.If the don't feel safe or comftoble forget it.If your trying to force it forget it.Once it happens it's much easier to duplicate no girl is immune to the possibility. Size matters go big

  • 9 years ago

    Okay, now that that's cleared up, I can answer. It is not abnormal that you cannot have one. Many factors can affect the inability to orgasm. Causes such as 'stage fright' where you're worried about performing well enough or vice versa, stress, or just him not keeping a steady performance on your 'spot'. Guide him to the spot that feels best to you and that might help out a lot. Don't worry, this happens to other women besides yourself.

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  • 4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    I can't have a vaginal orgasm...and it's affecting my relationship?

    I keep trying to reassure my bf that he completely satisfies me, but he won't believe it until I have a vaginal orgasm (which I've just never been able to achieve) and it's making me sad that it's upsetting him...

    Am I abnormal that I can't have one??

    Source(s): 39 vaginal orgasm 39 affecting relationship:
  • 6 years ago


    I was reading your post and I am glad I am not the only one a bit curious about the lack of a vaginal orgasm. I hadn't orgasmed at all until I got with my partner now and felt comfortable enough to stimulate my clitoris in front of him while having sex. For the first time a few months ago I had my first ever vaginal orgasm but I haven't been able to achieve it again since. I did tell a difference between a vaginal orgasm verse a clitoral orgasm though. The vaginal orgasm wasn't nearly as intense as my clitoral orgasm and left me feeling like I hadn't completely climaxed even though I did. If your boyfriend is concerned about you climaxing it's because he is feeling like he can't properly satisfy you and that in adequacy he is feeling is probably what is effecting your relationship. I my relationship the shoe was on the other foot. My now fiancé' was uncircumcised and was self-conscious over it which in turned had an effect on his ability to climax. The situation for me left me feeling like there was something wrong with me because I had never encountered a man who was unable to climax during sex before. He struggled for the first almost two years being able to climax because he had not only issues with being self conscious but had high stamina and started to get discouraged after I had already climaxed and he was still getting there. Although 7 years later there is no issue, the first two years was hard and almost pulled us apart because I started to become self conscious wondering if there was something wrong with me. What got us through it was him reassuring me it wasn't me and us trying many different things. For me even though we have been together for 7 years I still feel a little awkward at times playing with myself while we are having sex because let's face it, real climax faces don't actually look like porn movies try to portray them to look so to make myself feel comfortable I like to pull the sheet over my face so that I can focus on the "O" and not think about the look on my face when I am getting there. Depending on how long yawl have been together will make a difference on your comfort levels with each other especially during intimacy. You need to figure out what makes you comfortable and what he is uncomfortable about and try to adjust to each others needs, wants and pleasures to insure a continuous fulfilled sex life.

  • kix333
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    i'm 29 and have never once had a vaginal orgasm, honestly, i don't know one girl who has! he needs to understand that you need clitoral stimulation and that it's not his fault that you can't orgasm from penetration alone.

    my boyfriends have either gotten me off before sex with their tongue or fingers, or after if they're not too sleepy. otherwise try doing it doggy style and rub clitoris while he's doing you, or have him do it for you.

    trust me, this is an extremely normal issue that needs to be talked about. talk to him! even let him read this answer!

    let him know that the sex is amazing with or without orgasm- which it is!

  • 9 years ago

    its a well known fact that acheiving a vaginal orgasm is hard to do.

    have him finger you and feel for your g-spot, once he figures out exactly where that is, he can then use his penis to do what his fingers were doing, eventually, you will acheive this type of orgasm.

    also if that doesnt work, switch to doggy style, (it pushes on the g-spot) and get him to rub your clit, cause then you will have an orgasm and he wont no the difference!

  • 9 years ago

    Tell him it is not an issue with you and please don't worry about it anymore. After all, it is not for his pleasure.

    An orgasm is an involuntary body response and has nothing to do with your feelings concerning his "performance".

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