Sounds like you need to know God, our spiritual Father --- who is love -- and pray about your life. Then, He can help you live a better life. As God is love, life is primarily about love and relationships in order to have a rich and full life. To do this, you can ask God for the faith to know and follow Him -- just speak out and ask God for that faith. Also, you need to know God's Son, Jesus Christ, in your life as your Lord and Savior as Jesus died on the cross as payment for our sins and so having Him with you will give you God's blessing and forgiveness, as you live God's way. We need to know and follow God in this life so we can go to heaven after we die, and so we can get God's help now. There is an important prayer to pray to do this and become a born again Christian. This prayer should be said with faith in God and a sincere heart:
"Dear God, I know that I am a sinful person and I don't want to be like this anymore. I know that Jesus Christ died on the cross as payment for our sins, and I want to accept Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior forever so I can receive God's forgiveness, guidance, and go to heaven after I die. Thank you, dear God, for your mercy and guidance; in Jesus' name. Amen."
After saying this prayer, you should check out a Christian church like Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran.
Also, get into their Bible study group so you can learn more about God, Jesus, and God's will for your life. The Bible is God's instruction book about how to live a God-honoring life so you can go to heaven after you die. The church can also get you baptized and prayed for. You can pray for yourself daily too. God guide your life.