Try this version of the 23rd Psalm:
1. The Lord and I are in a shepherd-sheep relationship, and I am in a position of negative need.
2. He prostrates me in a green-belt grazing area, and conducts me into lateral proximity with non-torrential aqueous material.
3. He restores to original satisfaction my psychological makeup.
4. Albeit I make ambulatory progress through the non-illuminated geologic interstice of mortality, terror sensations shall not be manifest within me due to the proximity of omnipotence; Your pastoral walking aid and quaduped-restraint module induce in me a pleasured mood state.
5. You design and produce a nutrient-bearing support structure in the context of non-cooperative elements; You enact a folk ritual upon my cranium utilizing oleaceous vegetable extracts, and my beverage container exhibits overwhelming volumetric parameters.
6. Certainly, it must be an intrinsic factor that your inter-relational emphatic and non-vengeful attitudes will pursue me as their target focus for the duration of my current non-death period; And I will posses tenant rights in the residential facility of the Lord on a permantent, open-ended time basis.
The Anglican Diaspora