Please help Im a 43 year old virgin and I want to die?

Sorry for posting this so many times. Im really lonely, Im not ugly or a horrible person. A few weeks ago I went to my mums house for dinner, I hadn't seen her in weeks. When I got there, I thought is this what its like to be married? I know thats wierd cos its my mum, but I meant coming home to a house with... show more Sorry for posting this so many times.
Im really lonely, Im not ugly or a horrible person. A few weeks ago I went to my mums house for dinner, I hadn't seen her in weeks. When I got there, I thought is this what its like to be married? I know thats wierd cos its my mum, but I meant coming home to a house with dinner prepared and someone else being there. After a while the conversation drifted to her lack of grandchildren, and she asked why I never got married, was it cos of my career...and I said it was because no girl wanted to marry me. She thought I was joking at first but when she realised I was serious there was an awkward silence, then I suddenly broke down. 20 years of lonliness and emotion just came pouring out in a flood of tears, I felt like such a baby, I wish I was a baby again, no worries or anything. I ended up hugging my mum, telling her about how lonely I was, how I wanted to get married, how I had thought about suicide so many times...I didnt say I was a virgin but I reckon she knew, it was nice to feel loved after all these years though. I stayed the night then had to get back t my place first thing in the morning, Im a surgeon and I was in early that day. Going back to my empty house was hard, having a microwave dinner for tea made me feel so lonely, I saw a married couple which made me feel jeaous then I saw a couple of kids, no more than 14 or 15, a third of my age holding hands and kissing, that boy was a third of my age and hes already done more with a girl than me. I nearly swallowed a bottle of pills than evening. Please help me, Im so lonely, dont tell me to use an escort because thats wrong, I want to find love. I dont have many friends and I find i hard to make friends, and although my friends may be able to set me up tbh all of my frieds are married and i think all of their friends will be too. Do those dating sites work?
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