How do women really feel about pornography?

I am 31 years old and I can categorically, and shamefully, admit that I have had an addiction to pornography for around 10 years. It recently caused my wife and I to split up, because I couldn't stop lying about it to try and hide it from her - but she kept finding out anyway.

Deep down I feel it is morally wrong because I am sure that women do not want to be made to feel like they are "pieces of meat" simply there for man's viewing pleasure, and I am trying to overcome my addiction following my split up by realising that women, like men, have feelings, emotions and personalities which are to be respected and admired (just as all individuals on this planet). I want to know how it makes women feel when they know a man looks at pornography.

The truth is, I now want to turn my life around and end this pointless and demeaning obsession, and I would be very grateful for comments from women so that I can see what damage is being done to women's feelings by men looking at this stuff (because pornography is very good at hiding the fact that these are real people). Of course, men are very visual creatures, and it is no wonder why men get tempted by this sort of thing, but I don't believe that justifies it at all. I would now very much appreciate a woman's perspective on this issue, and the primary reason for that is because pornography hides women's personalities and emotions, and I believe that unless you see that women have personalities and emotions you will never see pornography as a problem.

I would perhaps also be interested to know whether knowing that a man has had a problem with pornography is something which puts women off, and makes them think of men as "sad" or a "loser". I ask because I am trying to begin my life again and would hate myself if I ever hurt anyone else like I hurt my ex, so I wouldn't ever like to think that I would be thought of that way because I consider myself to be a genuinely nice guy whose simply struggled with a personal issue, and now wants to move on from that.

Are women intuitive as to how a man who has viewed pornography regularly acts towards them; in other words, can a woman "sense" pornography when they meet a man? It would be interesting to know whether a man's behaviour towards women changes in a subtle way when they look at pornography.

Any thoughts on these issues, particularly from women, would be very much appreciated. By the way, I am not a Christian or of any other religion so my morals on this are coming from an entirely secular point of view, although any comments would be gratefully received.

8 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am a 35 year old woman with a strong distaste for pornography, period! I have had to " compete for attention with it, in the past". It was very demeaning and hurtfull. My ex was also addicted to porn.

    If a man enjoys porn, it's a complete turnoff to me! I am an attractive, smart, witty, funny woman who enjoys feeling like the sensual, sexy goddess that I am. If I am interested in someone who frequents strip bars or adult stores, I will lose interest instantly.

    I do not want to be compared to porn, nor be expected to enact porn of any kind. Most women are intimately creative in the bedroom and do not require any sort of porn suggestion to satisfy their partners and themselves.

    I think it is great that you want to rid your life of this addiction and better your future. Good luck in success, and I hope you find lasting love.

    Source(s): personal experience
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  • 10 years ago

    how it makes women feel when they know a man looks at pornography - insecure, inadequate, disgusted, turned off, worried that you may want her to enact some of the scenes etc.

    can a woman "sense" pornography when they meet a man - Initially? No, unless the man behaves like a complete perv. But there may be other more subtle facets of his character or behaviour that will put the woman off, specfic to a man who is addicted to pornography or has any other addictive behaviours for that matter. Emotionally unavailable, obsessive, sexist attitudes including not treating women as equals, dysfunctional, unreliable or not dependable etc.

    Other than that, most women will accept that their guys will enjoy pornography occassionally and some couples enjoy watching it together. The crux of the matter is how much time you were devoting to your addiction - and by addiction, it sounds like it was excessive, eating into your normal life and became a problem. It's admirable that you realize it's a problem and want to stop. Like any other addiction, professional help may be required if personal willpower isn't enough.

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  • 10 years ago

    We all have urges and it's pretty natural, everyone has attractions at different levels, you need to be honest about what you do and explain. Pornography appeals to most people. If you have an addiction maybe it is time to lower the amount of exposure but gradually and at manageable amounts until you can say I don't need to but I can watch porn, enjoy it and stop. Very much like any addiction... There are clubs out there for people in the same boat as you, join a meeting, it maybe a plunge but it's worth it in the long run.

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    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I watch porn on occasion. It's hilarious--these women are so obviously faking it. The guys do too. I don't give a flying leap off a two foot ladder about porn as long as there aren't any children in it (child pornography needs to be stopped) and everything is consensual.

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  • 10 years ago

    Pornography isn't an issue in a marriage unless your wife isn't getting as much sex as she would like because you are masturbating to it all of the time. Then you have a problem.

    If the frequency of intimacy is satisfactory to both sides and the woman doesn't like the fact that you are occasionally viewing pornography, than usually the hangup a woman then has with it is that she fears that you are comparing the women that you see in the pornography to her and that she doesn't, in her mind, quite stack up.

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  • 10 years ago

    Wooooooow. Your thinking far too much about this. Addicted to porn? What do you watch hours of it a day or something? I think its crazy that your wife left you over it. Were you neglecting her in favor of the porn? Anything in gross excess can be damaging I guess.

    This has never been an issue for me. My wife and every single girlfriend prior to her has always looked at porn nearly as much as (in a few cases more than) myself. These people volunteer themselves to be taped having sex. Lots of them enjoy their job. I don't see the crime in it. Then again, I don't stay glued to my computer monitor for hours on end either, and my wife is satisfied regularly. As in, every other day, at least. She knows I find her attractive and shes the woman i want to be with. Were only human dude, we weren't wired to be turned on by a single person for our entire lives.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    everyone is different mate! im not bothered to see porn or that my bf views it! however if my sex life was affected by my bf viewing porn that would be really annoying- temporarily because I'd leave him and get a sex life elsewhere!!!!

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  • 10 years ago

    Your wife was a prude, you're better off without her mate.

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