Should I stay in my marriage?

Married for 7 years together for 16 years and for the past 7 years our relationship has been everything but a marriage. Im getting tired. We have a one child that's nine yrs old. Im starting to feel like I've wasted so much time. There's nothing we havent been through and yet with all that has been done... show more Married for 7 years together for 16 years and for the past 7 years our relationship has been everything but a marriage. Im getting tired. We have a one child that's nine yrs old. Im starting to feel like I've wasted so much time. There's nothing we havent been through and yet with all that has been done Im tired disgusted turned off, but still dont know if its right to end this marriage. Over the yrs I have been physically abused mostly hair pulling, shoved, kicked in my legs. We dont have normal agruments, he has a short fuse, Hes disrepected me infront of our child verbally, by child hears him say things like Im a bum *****, Im a Cu__*, just really alot he hears us fight all the time but he so into his dad that he ignores it as if hes just use to it. He kind of turns my son sometimes on me and makes me look like bad cop. I have strick rules with our son as far as homework very into his school bedtime etc he if hes in one of his moods with me to get back at me he overrules what i say and my son gets his way. Ive been embarassed infront of strangers, family and friends. We gone through 2 major seperations and I always let him back in. Everything will be great for a few months and the minute something dont go his way thats it back at square 1. Ive narrowed it down to his past his childhood and i get it, he has severe anger issues, and hes a kid in a grown mans body, when he doesnt get his way in anything the child comes out. I told him try counseling etc he laughs at that like i dont have a problem you do. Yeah you think.! Anywho theres been alot of infedility ive been through a lot with other women. Ive tried so many times to leave but i really dont have the strength, when i do try i wake up the next morning with anxiety i start panicking, & thats a horrible feeling so im so scared of feeling like that i give in. Its been so many years hes all I know, i listen to other relationship stories from friend, family and i think oh i dont have it that bad, but every relationship has its own problems. Well today right now what im feeling is disgust, im getting older, im tired, im drained, my health isnt that great, hes very sexually active & i just cant keep up besides im not even physically attracted to hom anymore and i guess thats because of all ive been through. He doesnt work, he hustles here and there to get things paid, im currently on disabilty cause of bone issues with pain, if i deny him sex thats when the devil comes out he has not respect for how i feel, i could be dying if he wants it and i say no its growns for DRAMA...until i give in. Im the one who does everything at home, if i dont cook no one will eat, i wash clothes cause he will let it pile up beyond, i have to do food shopping he will only go to the store or out shopping if it benefits him, i have to clean the house, take care of our child, get him up and ready for school, take care of homework, bathtime, sports practice he doesnt even take him to sports all me,, haircuts i have to do that, i could go on and on again all me. Holidays come and go cant remeber getting gifts i dont know how it feels to open gifts anymore. Dinner haha thats a joke unless hes feeling it. I have never been on a vacation with him in 161/2 yrs. I just really dont know what to do anymore some other post from another site say work it out find the connection but Really?? Some say why do i stay, or why I stayed so long, took me along time to finally admit im too scared to leave, hes all i know, im scared to be alone..thats the truth. I know I dont deserve this i cant help but think is it me maybe i need to change ive tried that too. I dont like changed and starting over is a nightmare. The worst part of it something i know im not confused about is i have to say as much as it hurts Im not in love with him at all, I mean i care if he lives or dies but im so not in love. I dont even know how to love him anymore theres so much hate and anger and disgust. Please after reading this tell me some honest advise im at my breaking point i feel like time is passing me by..:( Thanks
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