Weird phenomenon occurring in family conflict?
I am very baffled by an observation I have made many times over, which I wish to find an explanation for scientifically.
There was a family argument between my mother, father, brother, Nan and Granddad etc; which was so severe that the family remained in a state of non-togetherness and non-talkativeness for about 30 months or so.
My Grandmother is getting close to death due to a combination of heart problem and Parkinson's disease, and requested that everyone makes up again; and they did, all but me with one person which is my uncle.
I will not make friends with my uncle, which is because of how he behaves. I do not make friends with bullies.
When I was little, he would be threatening to hit people and smack them constantly; and yell at them extremely loud. He threatened to put my sister's head into a wall when she was about 17, and my mother recons he kept a brick with him for many years to return through someone’s car windscreen because they chucked this brick through his windscreen years ago!
He blackmailed my mother into not wanting to know her because he 'claims' that he did not want to go to my brother's wedding if there is his biological father there (which I think is an excuse to cover against something else).
My mother and I have seen evidence of it; she has been left out by my grandparents on many occasions, when it comes to things like them helping my uncle or my mother.
I do not want to know this man anymore. He is a bully, and I do want to know bullies; I do not mix with these kinds of people. I only want kind and caring people around me.
What I am shocked by is that fact that despite people have been on the receiving end of this abuse, they want to be friends with him, which means that he might do all this again.
What got to me the most of all is when I was a child, the way he was so abusive me, my brother and sister (which makes up about 80% of the reason that I do not want to know him anymore).
The arguments with my family and this wedding etc, it was the last straw.
I have had enough problems with my mother and father in relation to the topic of spanking and threats of using physical force; which has left me in a horrific state in terms of how I feel about it. A suicide attempt in September 2008 occurred where I stopped taking my medication.
However my mother is closer, and my uncle’s abuse was worse.
It has strained my ability to feel attached to my mother, but I felt that I had to sever the relationship with my uncle altogether because of it (because the abuse was worse, and because he is less close to me; that amount to cope with proved too extreme).
But, someone explain to me why...
My brother and sister would want to be friends with him without even considering what happened to them when they were younger? I am confused.
Also, when I talk about this aspect of his behavior and how it affected me when I was little; it is somehow like to everyone else hearing it, somehow not a valid issue like the issues with the blackmail to mother and the arguments about the wedding etc.
I don't get this.
I would tell people about an incident in which he was threatening me and the Christmas tree fell down, when I was about 18. It is like "Oh that, well that's nothing", and the same to the corporal punishment issues. If it is something to me, so clearly is isn't nothing; so why are they surprised by this?
Another reason that I should not know him any more, is because if I do so; he will think that this behavior is OK, and will not learn to stop it. I am protecting other people this way, especially his son!
I want to know why. Is there is a scientific explanation to this freak of human behavior? Why would my family give him immunity in relationship to child abuse, as if this is not a problem, but no immunity to everything else?
My mother even claims that she is surprised that my uncle would do not want to know her, and could not understand why I was on her side when it came to him behaving this way; yet I am not at all surprised he did this, because if he can do what he was doing when I was little, then since this occurrence is consistent with that kind of behavior, what is there to be surprised about?
It is like it never occurred to her, like all this took place in another dimension.
I want someone to tell me if they have an idea what this all means?