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Is my writing any good?
--Hey. I wrote this because i had a boy on my mind =P I just wanted to know if it was any good? I write for me, but i thought it would be cool to get someone else's opinion. im not afraid of constructiv criticism --
As I sit here and stare at my cracked image in the mirror, I think of you. I think of the way you shyly told me you thought I was beautiful. Your voice slowly unravelling down to an uncertain whisper, and incoherent mumblings. You never knew how much that meant to me. I don’t know if you knew it or not, but with each quietly whispered compliment, and lopsided grin, my brick wall finally began to crack. Just a little at a time. With each beep of my phone, hope swirled into my heart, making me dizzy with anticipation. With each time however, I was sorely disappointed.
I miss you. I really do. I miss our late night talks. At the darkest hour of the night, I would slowly tell you bits and pieces about myself. Letting you get a short glimpse of my childhood. A short glimpse at who I actually am. Eventually, that brick wall that I worked so hard to build around myself like a medieval shield, finally came tumbling down all around me. I believed your words. I think you did to. You made me a promise. A promise that you couldn’t keep. You reassured me, that I was going to be alright. I believed you. But with the following days, I realized what I had done. With my brick shield gone, there was nothing to protect me from that first breath taking blow. Confusion twisted and twirled in my mind, creating mock illusions. I’ve never quite known a pain so sharp. It spun me into darkness. It was as if I was a little girl again, trapped in a dark room. With not a single hope of ever finding a way out. I lost all hope. As time went on, I found a way to climb out. Now anger bursted and bloomed in front of my eyes. For crystallized moments, I hated you. I couldn’t stand you. Couldn’t believe you did that to me. That is until, I would see your smiling face walking down the hallway towards me. Just like that, my anger was washed away. Like nothing ever happened.
Im not sure what happened to you. To us. I guess I wont ever know. So, as I sit her, and stare at my cracked image in the mirror, thinking of you for the last time, I must thank you. Thank you for tearing down my brick wall. Bit by bit. Thank you for that one month of pure happiness. Thank you for all that you have taught me.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
However, instead of squealing over it like, "OMG, LUV ITTT!!!", I will give you intellectual feedback:
Your use of metaphors is simply fantastic. There are a few typos. The way that this character, whoever they may be, tells their story about a blooming love spiraling into hatred is beautiful, really. The note of triumph at the end ("Thank you for tearing down my brick wall") puts this piece into perspective. Great work.
Are you planning to get this published? You should.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
This is amazing! "Your voice slowly unravelling down to an uncertain whisper, and incoherent mumblings." is my favorite part, such well-chosen words for the description! I love how many of the sentences in the second paragraph are short. It really packs the emotion behind the words and allows it to have a true ring to it. This is just extremely good writing!
There were just a few errors though, to me. I would change "...my brick wall finally began to crack. Just a little at a time." to "...my brick wall would crack, just a little at a time." or something similar, the way it is now sounds awkward in number agreement with what's earlier in the sentence. Also, changing the brick wall to a brick shield was a bit off-putting and confusing. Comparing it to the shield was good, but when you called it a shield later on, that could be called wall again. Also, just a little closer proofreading, I noticed a few typos.
But overall, excellent work! :)
- ?Lv 45 years ago
Listen to a crap load of track. Since the guitar is absolutely very simular to a piano, I uncover being attentive to many classical portions, speradically places some thing into my head. One more thing, I as a rule begin out gambling a riff particularly gradual. I am speakme like 15 to twenty BPM. This offers me an certain suppose for what I am gambling from the begin, being equipped to take away out of place notes, and even an complete scale. Then at the same time escalading the pace extra matters come to mild. So in my difficult to understand system the begin to a riff could also be the identical or whole oposite from the normal while 20 BPM becomes two hundred BPM
- 1 decade ago
This SERIOUSLY reminds me of my friends and there issues :D i like it (even for a guy) it also reminds me of Owl City in the beginning and Paramore at the end :] good jobSource(s): Myself :]
- 1 decade ago
Well OMG! That there is amazingness. If that was a book....and even if that JUST that was in the book, I'd still buy it.
I love it and always will.
You made my day.
:DSource(s): I love it. Sorry, I'm getting annoying. But I can't state how awsome that was!
- 1 decade ago
THIS ALMOST MADE ME CRY!!!!
So beautiful, so charming, so elegant; pure genius.
I do hope you publish something, because I really liked this. :)