winning the custody case?

Me and the mom live in NYC. We have a 4 year old daughter who lives with the mother and goes to school. she works m-f and i also work but only Friday as i work temporary as a security officer.We had court before i filed for physical custody but it wasn't address so i had visitation alternating weekends and Holiday from Friday to Sunday 5pm and drop-off the child Sunday at 6pm. I had the Holiday on thanksgiving from 12-7 i text the mother asking her, to have my Daughter ready with in a hr or so.So she gave me a lot of crap saying."she not here that my parents took her,i don't deserve her etc." So i went to the parents house where she does live and ask her mother where she at? she said." oh she not here my husband took her to to her."I said alright fine and left. so the next day i filed for a violation on her and was seeking joint legal and joint physical.So on Dec 10th 2010 i ask her again please have my daughter ready.Same thing talking crap saying ."NO u not having her i don't do nothing for her,I'm going to neglect u change my number she has a real father" like come on i love my kid she know I'm her dad, i bath feed her,go out places,never lay one finger on her and the way she acted ain't the best interest for my daughter so i went to the police to file a report that she refuse. The police told me to go over there to see if she there i went her grandmother answer saying" u cant come in and she not here." I said alright so i went back the precint and filed it and I'm going back Monday to file another violation she already in contempt of court she don't care basically so do i have the right modify for sole custody of daughter? or seek primary? i went to school to ask how my daughter doing and she if went to school today and i ask if i was in the emergency contact the blue card in the school she told me no i wasnt did i violate anything by going to the school?

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  • Anne
    Lv 5
    9 years ago
    Best Answer

    No, you violated nothing by going to school. You have a right to talk to the school and to be included in all parent-teacher meetings. You also have a right to copies of all medical records and to talk to her pediatrician.

    You don't address child support. It's important that you pay it, whether you like the mother or not. It shows the judge that you care.

    If the mother blocks you from your court ordered visitation and you take her to court about that enough, then you have a better chance for gaining custody. Judges don't have much patience for mothers who clutter up their docket with petty fighting with their ex.

    As one poster stated, it would be best if you and the mother could work this out, but it sounds like that isn't a real possibility. If co-parenting isn't working, then you'll need to do some things to help your daughter through this difficult situation.

    When you have her, never say anything negative about her mother or her mother's family. It doesn't matter that they are in violation of court orders and care more about hurting you than doing what's best for the little girl. That is not something that your daughter needs to know about or have an opinion about. Children love their mothers, even the ones that beat and forget to feed their children, so she needs for it to be okay with you that she love her mother. Let her, because it's natural and healthy for her to love her mother, who doesn't show her bad side to her daughter like she does for you anyway.

    When, if, she parrots something negative about you that she's heard from her mother, just laugh it off. Ask her if it sounds true to her. Tell her you don't know why anyone would say (whatever) about you, but it's not true. Most likely she'll be told that you don't care about anyone but yourself. Plan your response now so it will be calm and low-key because if you get angry about it, you'll put her in a bad situation.

    Don't mention going to court. That is between you and the mother. Your daughter cannot change anything and should not be in the position of choosing between mother and father. So, no matter how much you want to ask her, NEVER ask her who she wants to live with. If she knows about court, it's just going to stress the little girl out about something she has not control over.

    Finally, go to counseling. A good counselor can help you deal with your angry, resentful ex in a more civil manner so that possibly someday you two can work together to raise your daughter. A good counselor can also help you help your daughter through this. You can take your daughter to counseling too, if you want, if she is exhibiting signs of stress.

    A lot of fathers give up because parenting after divorce, especially if you aren't the custodial parent, is very hard. That would only hurt your daughter, so don't give up on her just because you ex makes a scene every time. You're a good dad.

    Good luck to you.

  • 9 years ago

    Just tell her straight up "look this is what the custody agreement is if you don't like it take me back to court and try to get it changed but until then follow the agreement or I'll file papers saying your in contempt which wont help you get her full-time." if you tell her that your serious she may realize what she is doing and go along with the agreement. If not continue filling the papers and yes it will give you a decent chance on getting more custody of your daughter but if you only work 1 day a week you may not get full custody because you may have a problem being able to fully support your daughter without government help.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    A custody case is like a game of poker. You have to have a straight poker face when you're in court. Don't try to win the judge's sympathy. Just stay calm, have the facts straight (maybe tell a white lie if you want to take a bigger gamble)

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    cant you guys work this out between yourselves? All this court stuffs going to make all of you upset. Hope you work it out

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