Auburn P asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

how would you fix this poem and make it longer if this was yours, plz sincerely help me?

Every word she spoke

Was like a fresh breath of heaven

Washing away the stale smell of earth

Her lovely voice cleared my senses so true

Her voice alone awakened a dead river inside me

To attend her

As her words kept flowing

The river inside me kept growing

Sweeping me dreamily on a journey through heaven

The moment she stopped talking

The heavens answered by shutting their gates in my face

Oh beautiful maiden speak once more

do not deprive me of the beauty of heaven

oh what I would give to bring out your radiant smile

I am content with life, I would not mind if I lived not another day

for I have seen the gates of heaven

2 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Her gentle words were spoken like

    the fresh and quiet breath of heaven

    Washing from a withered earth

    the dead and vanquished senses.

    From her sweetness flowed the river

    That ran again in me, from the dead

    and frozen waste in my disheveled soul

    Her voice alone awakened.

    As her words kept flowing the river

    inside kept growing sweeping me

    dreamily on a journey through heaven.

    The moment she stopped speaking

    The heavens answered by shutting

    their flowered gates to my presence.

    Oh beautiful maiden speak once more

    do not deprive me of your essence

    What can I do please let me know

    to invoke your smile which contents me so

    So that I wouldn't need to live another day

    For to heaven I would be taken.

  • siers
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

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