Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

I have a big problem and alot of stress on my plate, and I need more then 1 brain right now.?

I don't know where to start, I feel like my boyfriend is a huge annoyance and burden in my life. He is always ruining things for me and getting in my way of being successful. He is rude, has poor hygiene(like really poor), never on time, tells me one thing and does another, lies about little dumb **** all the time, acts like a little kid. He is 27 and I'm 20, we recently had a baby boy 5 months ago, and he couldn't be there for the entire pregnancy and birth because he was in jail, he doesn't have a job. He sits on his *** all day, and smokes weed while all his buddies come and go.he lives off of me as I am getting money from government to live until he's old enough for daycare and i can ho to work. We live in a really bad part of town and I'm trying to leave this part and get a bigger place, so I put down a damage deposit on a new place and was waiting for e reply when they told me he needed to prove his income----and he can't, because there isn't one, and when we went to look at the place he lied to them and told them he gets $1000 a month.....his mom said she would co-sign no problem, but my boyfriend said unless he's on the lease he's gonna tell his mom not to co-sign. He also thinks he's gonna be the next big rapper and set up a recording studio wherever I move...... Which is another problem because he has no back up plan for nothin. Do I need a new man? I'm thinking about my son having 2 parents all the time, and I want to ensure he doesn't grow up like I did..... I am so frustrated, and there is so many more problems in this relationship, I would be here all day explaining, and I'm just generally miserable. I don't want to do anything, or go anywhere, nothing interests me anymore, I'm not attracted to him in any way really, he grosses me out, and this isn't the first problem in the 5 years we have been everything is falling to pieces, and I'm afraid to be alone, I don't want to be on my own, but I pretty much am anyways because even though he has alot of drug money I still pay bills, groceries, rent, etc. He won't even help with nothing unless it's going out to a restaurant that he suggested...... God, I don't know what to do, and he's made it so I have no friends, I literally have no family because of how I grew in the streets everyone left me alone, all I have is my social worker, and my son--- what am I supposed to do?

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are dealing with an enormous amount of stress right now. You sound incredibly strong and mature.

    It sounds like you know what to do deep down, but you're afraid to do it, and you're trying to do what's best for your son, which is admirable.

    Ask yourself this: is it better to have your son grow up with two parents, but one of whom (his dad, who he will look at to model what kind of man he's to become) is irresponsible, childish, has poor hygiene and NO work ethic, and doesn't respect women or himself - or would it be better to grow up in a single parent household with one very mature, loving, protective, strong mother who will make sure he gets everything he needs? Neither is ideal, but he will be healthier and happier in the long run with the latter choice.

    Your boyfriend is manipulating and controlling you, and he does this by isolating you. It is completely classic, stereotypical abusive behaviour. He wants to control you, so he isolates you from other influences that might make you see what a loser he is, which would then mean he'd actually have to get off his sorry *** and take responsibility for his life. If he ACTUALLY wanted to be a successful rapper, he would be working towards it, and he would be working hard, instead of wasting his brain and energy on smoking pot and just talking about it. He's using you to get a free ride.

    I know being alone is scary sometimes, but you won't be. You have a social worker, and you have your son, and you do have a family and friends that I'm sure would be happy to be part of your life - you've just alienated them because your boyfriend worked it out that way. Being single sucks in a lot of ways, but you said yourself that you're basically as good as single now. Your boyfriend doesn't give you support of any kind, on any level. All he does is tear you down, drag you down, bring you down. It sounds like you have depression - lack of interest in activities that you normally find fun is a huge sign of this. All your energy is being sucked out of you by the leech on your couch.

    I know it's hard, but I think you need to end it with him, for your good and your son's good. Try looking at the big picture. What kind of man do you want your son to become?

    Good luck, girl. Ask for support from the people you love and trust, and let them help you. Do what's right for you and your son.

    Sending strength to you.

    Source(s): Life
  • 1 decade ago

    Do you think it is really healthy for your son to grow up in that type of environment? Two parents or not, that is a VERY disfunctional situation. I need you to get it together and move on. How can you even ask if you need a new man? Clearly, you need just you and your son first, then work on a new man. You need to talk to your social worker and get help before your son gets taken from the both of you.

  • 1 decade ago

    poor lady, you have your own with you, don't shy or hesitate to be out from him and work whatever you get,

    God help those who help themselves.

    all the best.

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