Is it tacky or shameful to have children out-of-wedlock?
My husband and I were both born out-of-wedlock. My younger sister was, too. Our faith is highly against it and we both thought it was a mistake for both out parents to do it. Therefore, we didn't repeat the mistakes of our parents. We are proud of ourselves for it. However, it seems that having children out-of-wedlock is becoming the norm in the USA.
If our parents had children out of outside of marriage and it was a mistake to them and they wished they had made better choices, why is it ok now?
I'm not judging because I was born out-of-wedlock too.Keep that in mind. I'm just interested in what people really thing is acceptable.
Curiously, I also posted this in the Etiquette section of Yahoo!. If you choose to look there, the answers are VERY different than most of the responses here. Just something to note :)
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Here is the breakdown for everyone:
Children, themselves, are not tacky or shameful but little blessings on the world. Who doesn't love babies?
What IS TACKY and SHAMEFUL are the people who have children when they are not ready or have the means of support for not only themselves but their children throughout their life. The major TACKY part about it is that as one of the most medically advanced nations in the world people still can't understand that unprotected sex leads to a possible pregnancy. "oh it was an accident" Yeah right...you spread your legs that can happen. Duh!
Unfortunately, the correlation is people who are unmarried and have children are also MOST likely to be the people who can't afford them and don't have the means to properly take care of them. That is not me saying that, it is science and statistics (go yell at them about it).
You should feel proud of your situation that you were married before having children for the sheer benefit that you have a LEGALLY-binding contract. It is a good insurance policy and I am puzzled to why people don't realize that and the importance of that when you go to court! Also, isn't better to be in love and deeply committed to the person you want to have a child with? This would be the foundation of having children and why we usually say "making love" rather than saying "having sex".
So overall, Children are not shameful or tacky, but the situation that led to their conception and the aftermath of how their parents raise them is. In this country and more so in certain states, marriage is more beneficial for children overtime. However, the more babies born out of wedlock, the more marriage is being devalued. So, who knows what is going to happen?
The overall importance of marriage was the design that you no longer are an individual but a set. If you don't get married, you get to keep your individuality and not have to commit to your partner.
Look at it like this: if marriage is not important (like most people here like you to think), than why are Gay and Lesbians fighting so hard for it like women did in the past for the right to vote? Any bells going off, yet?Source(s): Logic
- 4 years ago
I think people have given up on the whole marriage thing (with almost 50% ending in divorce), so everything else following suit. In this day and age, you'll find you are lucky if the kid even has a good mother and father in their life. I think having a child in wedlock helps with the odds, since at least at some point the parents did get along... even if THAT too ends in divorce. (Exception being a "shotgun wedding.") My personal opinion: I think it is tacky to have a child out of wedlock to someone you aren't serious about relationship-wise. If you are serious about them and plan to spend the rest of your lives with them, married or not, then having a child is fine.
- AdeleLv 41 decade ago
People more and more are coming around to it not being so important. And its really not. Marriage is a word. And when it comes to faith, that is what really matters. My husbands mother had him out of wedlock, and she loves him just as much as any married woman would. I don't think marriage matters in the way most people think it does. I am currently pregnant. My husband and I waited until we were just about to get married to get pregnant, so we will be having our first child in June. I don't think it shameful to have a baby out of wedlock, but I do think you give yourself and your child a stabler life if you are in a loving commited relationship, that however doesnt necessarily mean you have to be married. I know a couple that never got married, had 2 children, and have been together for nearly 30 years. My husband and I honestly just wanted to get the marriage out of the way before we had children....because we knew we wouldn't have much time afterwards.
- 1 decade ago
Neither. My husband and I had our 3 kids before we got married. My children weren't mistakes. We really didn't care to get married at the time. I don't care if people have kids out of wedlock or not, it's none of my business. All that matters is they are a happy family.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I had my son almost 3 months ago out of wedlock and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I think that WEDLOCK is just something that old school people say but some people don't believe in marriage but want kids there's nothing wrong with that!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Isn't pride a sin?
Anyways, no, I don't think its tacky or shameful to have children out of wedlock. Some people don't believe in marriage and being married does not make someone a better parent.
- JulieLv 61 decade ago
My Mother became pregnant with me when she was raped - I've only ever known her as my parent I've never had a Father-figure around. I don't think it matters it's 2010 and the ability to love your child and take care of it is more important than what your relationship was with the kids father at conception and afterwards.
- jo2Lv 51 decade ago
OMG get of your high horse. Of course it is not tacky nor is it shamefull. No longer do we live in the 50's. My first baby was born before my husband were married, am i ashamed and am i "tacky" heck no. May i add my minister had no issues christening our son knowing he was born outof wedlock. This is the 2nd time i have answered a question along these lines, quite frankly i am discusted and insuled at such questions. You say you are not judging, but i think you are, you make like you are ashamed of your roots. Shame on you.Source(s): my opinion
- Anonymous1 decade ago
As long as both parents are being responsible parents I don't think a marriage certificate matters/.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think what is 'right' in one family isn't in another. Same way with faiths.
My *personal* opinion is that getting married simply because you get knocked up is insane. Marriage does not equal love in far too many cases. Marriage should be reserved for 2 people who are in love and feel they can commit forever. Not 2 people who had sex and accidentally made a baby.